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Re: I'm Making a Book

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UndeadLordBen is not online. UndeadLordBen
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 4170
29 Jan 2012 02:05 PM
Here is the first chapter, tell me if I should publish it or not.

"MOVE KENYON MOVE!" my gym teacher, Mr. Pukalo, yells. My name is Matthew Kenyon. I have black hair and bangs that cover my right eye. I have brown eyes and I am also an orphan. I'm not the most athletic person in the world. I jog across the gym for the fifth time. As I cross it, I start to notice Jace stare at me. I don't really know Jace. He always keeps a distance from me, but will stare at me CONSTANTLEY. He has blonde hair with red tips on his bangs. He has strikingley red eyes that can pierce right through your soul. I try to ignore it, but I can feel his eyes on me. "FASTER KENYON!" Mr. Pukalo rips through my thoughts. I start to run faster. By the time i cath up to Jace he stares back at me than runs as fast as hell. "HOLY S---!" I yell. I feel a slap on the back of my head. I turn around to see Mr. Pukalo staring at me. "NP SWEARING!" he screams. "If I HEAR THAT FOWL LANGUAGE ONE MORE TIME, YOU GET DETENTION FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!" I stare at him, than I say, "Fine... I'm good with that" Mr. Pukalo grunts than walks away. I get back up and start my game again. By the time I finish the jog, everyone else has finished. I sit down on the bleachers with everyone lese only to hear the bell. I walk of to the boys locker room, get changed, than I walk off to Lunch.


I walk out of school with all the others. And of course, I get the usual "Johnson Nuggy" "How ya' doing, Kenyon?" John said. John is one of those big, muscular bully guys. He has brown hair and an army cut. John kicks me than walks off laughing. I get back up only to look to the forest next to my school. To my suprise, I see a black wolf standing there with it's red peircing eyes. Than I relize something... it looks JUSt like Jace. I sit there and stare with all the others walking off. "Follow me, Matthew."the wolf says. I stare at it in shock, than I say, "You... you can talk?" the wolf stares, than says, "Just follow me." Suprised, I follow it. We walk towards the center of the forest and than stop in a clearing. There, the wolf explodes into shadows and than turns into.. Jace. "We have to go soon. And real soon."
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moose1997 is not online. moose1997
Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 12502
29 Jan 2012 02:07 PM
no

Gappo gappo
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noisyjones1 is not online. noisyjones1
Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 5397
29 Jan 2012 02:09 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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knilytsrihT is not online. knilytsrihT
Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 9561
29 Jan 2012 02:10 PM
TEXT HEAVY GAAAAAAAH. Press enter before starting new dialogue.

-GG NO RE BEACH-
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UndeadLordBen is not online. UndeadLordBen
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 4170
29 Jan 2012 02:10 PM
What did I do wrong -.-

This has NOTHING to do with any sort of Clan nor Guild. This is a book I'm writing.
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UndeadLordBen is not online. UndeadLordBen
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 4170
29 Jan 2012 02:11 PM
Bumpity bump.
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logan1182 is not online. logan1182
Joined: 14 Apr 2009
Total Posts: 1188
29 Jan 2012 02:12 PM
It's good so far. Except for some of the spelling...
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UndeadLordBen is not online. UndeadLordBen
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 4170
29 Jan 2012 02:14 PM
In the book, I'll actually CHECK the spelling. Right now I just rushed ^.^
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UndeadLordBen is not online. UndeadLordBen
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 4170
29 Jan 2012 02:16 PM
Bump.
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knilytsrihT is not online. knilytsrihT
Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 9561
29 Jan 2012 02:17 PM
The story's cliche btw.

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UndeadLordBen is not online. UndeadLordBen
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 4170
29 Jan 2012 02:19 PM
Just say if you like it or not -.-
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knilytsrihT is not online. knilytsrihT
Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 9561
29 Jan 2012 02:22 PM
Saying if I like it or not isn't gonna help you in trying to make it good, getting feedback from other people on saying what you can improve on it is gonna help you.

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JimiJami is not online. JimiJami
Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 4509
29 Jan 2012 02:25 PM
I do not like it.
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UndeadLordBen is not online. UndeadLordBen
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 4170
29 Jan 2012 03:01 PM
@Jimi
And WHY?
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gsterman is not online. gsterman
Joined: 14 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 7165
29 Jan 2012 03:06 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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gsterman is not online. gsterman
Joined: 14 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 7165
29 Jan 2012 03:07 PM
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knilytsrihT is not online. knilytsrihT
Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 9561
29 Jan 2012 03:07 PM
@gsterman Agreed. Around maybe Chapter 2-3 the wolf should start talking, Chapter 1 is just an introductory.

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Rico5326 is not online. Rico5326
Joined: 20 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 344
29 Jan 2012 03:08 PM
reported for bad words
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gsterman is not online. gsterman
Joined: 14 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 7165
29 Jan 2012 03:09 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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xGabbyx is not online. xGabbyx
Joined: 03 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 2089
29 Jan 2012 03:09 PM
Good i guess.
Just don't post on OT ( Off Topic. )
You will get trolls saying crap that don't make any sense.
:P

~ Blame the poptart. >.> ~
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gsterman is not online. gsterman
Joined: 14 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 7165
29 Jan 2012 03:09 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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lolman451 is not online. lolman451
Joined: 01 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 262
29 Jan 2012 03:10 PM
Eat a cookie it'll help make the book :3
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gsterman is not online. gsterman
Joined: 14 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 7165
29 Jan 2012 03:23 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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TheNextGod is not online. TheNextGod
Joined: 27 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 438
29 Jan 2012 03:24 PM
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UndeadLordBen is not online. UndeadLordBen
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 4170
29 Jan 2012 06:29 PM
Again, this is an introduction, of what MAY happen.
I take your suggestions and put them in the book to make it better. ;D

Did I put that in..? .3.
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