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Re: The 7G Plans [Prologue]

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shinypikachu1234 is not online. shinypikachu1234
Joined: 09 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 799
29 Dec 2011 11:51 AM
Thepwnageone was walking down a long hallway with a RAT Conscript. “How is the 7G testing going, sir?” asks the RAT conscript. Annoyed, thepwnageone replies,” For the last time they’re going fine. I just need to take a little look over the plans.” Just as he was nearing the end of the hallway, he saw a dark figure, holding a roll of paper which almost looked like…THE 7G PLANS!! Thepwnageone quickly ran towards the figure, tackling him in mid-air. The Conscript was just standing nearby, watching the whole thing. He could not believe what was happening. Just then, the top of the roof burst open, and the Conscript could barely make out a helicopter, and it was moving down towards the hole in the roof. The Conscript urged pwnage to move out of the way, or else he would be taken away. “Go…save…yourself…,” replied pwnage. The Conscript ran for his life, looking back just one more time. He saw the dark figure going into the helicopter with the plans in one hand and a gun in the other. The Figure stared at the Conscript. “Hasta Lavista.” And everything went black…
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tamuhobbit is not online. tamuhobbit
Joined: 22 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 60
29 Dec 2011 11:56 AM
First and EPIK
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shinypikachu1234 is not online. shinypikachu1234
Joined: 09 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 799
29 Dec 2011 11:57 AM
Post your feedback here. Who knows? You might be in the next chapter.
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Shadowluigi64 is not online. Shadowluigi64
Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Total Posts: 24334
29 Dec 2011 11:58 AM
eh
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ethanta67 is not online. ethanta67
Joined: 09 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 1417
29 Dec 2011 11:58 AM
Epic story
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57rusted is not online. 57rusted
Joined: 13 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 290
29 Dec 2011 12:02 PM
Woah nice...I wanna read more :3
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tamuhobbit is not online. tamuhobbit
Joined: 22 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 60
29 Dec 2011 12:02 PM
ME, Me! ITS ME ISN'T IT?
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ForTheShire is not online. ForTheShire
Joined: 26 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 3740
29 Dec 2011 12:04 PM
Aaaaah, THE GRAMMAR! IIITTT BURNS!!!!!!

I'll try to fix it as best I can.

Thepwnageone was walking down a long hallway with a RAT Conscript.

“How is the 7G testing going, sir?” asked the RAT conscript.

Annoyed, thepwnageone replied,” For the last time, they’re going fine. I just need to take a little look over the plans.”

Just as he was nearing the end of the hallway, he saw a dark figure, holding a roll of paper which almost looked like…THE 7G PLANS!! Thepwnageone quickly ran towards the figure, tackling him in mid-air. The Conscript was just standing nearby, watching the whole thing. He could not believe what was happening.

Just then, the top of the roof burst open, and the Conscript could barely make out a helicopter which was moving down towards the hole in the roof. The Conscript urged pwnage to move out of the way, or else he would be taken away.

“Go… save…yourself…,” replied pwnage.

The Conscript ran for his life, looking back just one more time. He saw the dark figure going into the helicopter with the plans in one hand and a gun in the other.
The Figure stared at the Conscript,“Hasta la vista.”
And everything went black.


Better?
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shinypikachu1234 is not online. shinypikachu1234
Joined: 09 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 799
29 Dec 2011 12:06 PM
Lol I got my 1st hater :3
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gatolin is not online. gatolin
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Total Posts: 8183
29 Dec 2011 12:06 PM
did pwnage die? oh yes he died yeah he must be dead
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Shadowluigi64 is not online. Shadowluigi64
Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Total Posts: 24334
29 Dec 2011 12:07 PM
one who fixes your grammar ~= hater
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ForTheShire is not online. ForTheShire
Joined: 26 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 3740
29 Dec 2011 12:07 PM
Nooooo,
just use better grammar
and not blocks of text.
and we chill, man.
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xXTheStrykerXx is not online. xXTheStrykerXx
Joined: 05 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 2913
29 Dec 2011 12:09 PM
i don't see how it's that great.

-lrn2skill-
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LordRobbery is not online. LordRobbery
Joined: 16 May 2011
Total Posts: 733
29 Dec 2011 12:11 PM
LEARN HOW TO RITE CH00B
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SMELLYJOJOJOJOJOJOJO is not online. SMELLYJOJOJOJOJOJOJO
Joined: 05 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 1322
29 Dec 2011 12:13 PM
Nice!

Keep up the goodwork. I can't wait until the next chapter comes out!


---SJ>>>
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shinypikachu1234 is not online. shinypikachu1234
Joined: 09 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 799
29 Dec 2011 12:22 PM
Chapter 1 is out! http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=60490046
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tamuhobbit is not online. tamuhobbit
Joined: 22 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 60
29 Dec 2011 12:39 PM
Don't rage at the hobbits >:O
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Tom7896 is not online. Tom7896
Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 10052
29 Dec 2011 03:09 PM
cool story bro
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brickster1324 is not online. brickster1324
Joined: 04 May 2008
Total Posts: 6452
29 Dec 2011 03:12 PM
EILL BE BAHHHK
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shinypikachu1234 is not online. shinypikachu1234
Joined: 09 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 799
28 Jan 2012 07:13 PM
bump
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HappyOJolly is not online. HappyOJolly
Joined: 18 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 3512
10 Sep 2012 06:14 PM
First comment after 8 months.
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orangeman421 is not online. orangeman421
Joined: 26 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 304
12 Jun 2013 08:10 PM
No offense, this is a B story. I liked how it was, but I couldn't tell where it took place. You got 85% B. Make it a little longer because I wasn't able to picture it in my mind.
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