Dogman217
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| Joined: 10 Oct 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2078 |
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| 24 Dec 2011 02:23 PM |
This is a Story of a little girl named Juile.
Little Julie: Hi, you remember me. There's our house. Mommy and daddy, my room. I love the old elm tree by my window. I sit under it sometimes and pretend that I'm a jungle queen and have adventures and then I come back inside and cuddle in bed (my bed is big) and I'm safe. My daddy draws buildings. he draws the insides of office buildings downtown. This is the lobby of the Dexter Basco something building. It'll be beautiful if it's ever built. If I were going to work in a building this is where I would want to work. Daddy wanted to paint covers for paperbacks, but he didn't because publishers are dumb mommy says. Sometimes when he thinks I'm asleep daddy stabs his drawings with a pencil over and over and says bad things. Daddy always smells like a closet with a lot of polished shoes and hats in it. Mommy is pretty but she always says she's just a dither brain.
Mommy: *on the phone* Oh hello mister Walter’s. No John isn't home. You can't give him the raise? Yes, I totally understand but John will be devastated. He'll hate leaving you. Leave? Oh yes, that nice Mr. Tate has been calling everyday. Twice some days, but John keeps saying how he'd rather stay with you if he had even a little more--you can? You will? Oh, how very generous of you Mr. Walter’s .
Daddy: Guess what! Old man Walter's came through!
Mommy:Oh please don't talk business you know it makes my head spin
Daddy: Pizza for both my girls!
Little Julie: Daddy and I have a lot in common. Bugs for instance. Ick--a bug
Daddy: Ick--a bug. Maybe it'll just work out of here on it's own.
Mommy: Uh-oh. *Steps on the bug * Time for dinner everybody.
Little Julie: Mommy always does what has to be done. Something in her shuts off and she pretends it didn't happen. I guess that's what being a mommy is all about. One day, I found a bunny in the road squashed like a piece of clay. Like the clay I make my pretend houses out of. It's hurt, screaming--I didn't know bunnies could scream. But maybe I could make it better, like I fix my houses after I smash them with a hammer. I took it home so it could be my friend...it's not screaming anymore but now all it does is look at me--and wait. My stomach hurts. Uncle Artie came to visit one day. I thought mom said he moved but he just went to Australia but now he's back. He stays down the hall from me and sometimes he whistles. I guess I like him okay.
Artie: The outback is unbelievable. Air whales the size of--
Little Julie: Except when he makes stupid noise during Colonel Kangaroo. Sometimes I think he looks like my doll. Daddy likes to talk with him for hours, to laugh with him. Then he leaves. He just drives away, and then I'm alone. All with my little friend. The bunny is under my bed all the time now. It doesn't get better. It just makes this little scarping noise with it's good leg. I can hear it all the time now, even when I'm in the yard under my good tree.
Daddy: Good night pumpkin
Mommy: Good night
Little Julie: Nothing is fun anymore. All I can do is hear that noise. My stomach hurts. And all of a sudden--it stops. I want to make it better but I'm not sure how.
Mommy: John
Julie: I can't sleep. It's like the bunny is scarping right into my stomach.
Mommy: John, we have to do something
Julie: I'm mad at the bunny for being sick and bothering me.
Mommy: Get up!
Julie: For being alive.
Daddy: Pumpkin can I see what you've got there? Uh sweety, I think the bunny need to live out in the garage to get better Look at it's leg...
Mommy: That was very strong of you John
Little Julie: Bunny? All I know is...I couldn't help the bunny. ... Little Julie: Mommy and daddy tried to talk to me about the bunny.
Daddy: Listen sweety, it's really for the best
Little Julie: They explained how the vet couldn't do anything that the bunny just has to wait in the garage until death comes for him. They tell me death is a natural part of life. After a while I can't hear them anymore and I can't hear the scarping in the garage. All I can hear is what I want. Like the noise of my comb going through my dolls hair. The hair makes lots of noise. Nothing seems the same anymore.
Doll's head in Artie's voice: Don't worry, it's just me. Uncle Artie. So do you think the bunny's dead yet?
Daddy: Julie, honey, you broke your doll...combed it head right off... Uh...your mom and I are worried about you honey. You shouldn't think about the bunny so much, it'll ummm...probably get better real soon. Honest.
Little Julie: Daddy can't lie nearly as well as mommy. ... Little Julie:I knew Mommy would come, because mommy always fixes everything. Daddy leaves the important stuff to her, and she takes care of it or makes it disappear so you don't have to think about it.
The End.
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| 24 Dec 2011 02:24 PM |
BLUH
-+=~Far out, dude.~=+- |
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| 24 Dec 2011 02:26 PM |
Please actually write a story without Herpderp: OMG or *farted*.
I'm wanting to become a author, and the generation of future writers I live in concern me. |
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Dogman217
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| Joined: 10 Oct 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2078 |
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| 24 Dec 2011 02:28 PM |
@toxic
Please explain what was wrong with it. |
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Zeta865
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| Joined: 07 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1591 |
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| 24 Dec 2011 02:28 PM |
interesting but a little disappointing nothing really exciting happened |
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| 24 Dec 2011 02:29 PM |
| It is a illiterate story. That is not how real stories are written. Even if it was "Just for fun", your writing skill is very low if you can only write in such a style. I promise you I could write a story write off the back about anything you wanted me to right now and not even try and it could be better than this, all because you wrote this way. |
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