Zaaaack
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| Joined: 25 Dec 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1644 |
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| 19 Nov 2011 03:26 PM |
3)A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.
Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."
Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."
Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"
Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."
The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigars. He went upstairs and opened the door.
Mom : "Now what do I do?"
Son : "Get your --- out of bed, you -----, and fix that kid some ------- ice cream." |
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boticus
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| Joined: 30 Aug 2006 |
| Total Posts: 15015 |
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Zaaaack
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| Joined: 25 Dec 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1644 |
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| 19 Nov 2011 03:28 PM |
| A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?" |
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nPwn
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| Joined: 17 Sep 2010 |
| Total Posts: 3197 |
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nPwn
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| Joined: 17 Sep 2010 |
| Total Posts: 3197 |
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| 19 Nov 2011 03:30 PM |
I've heard that second one a million times
~nPwn is teh pwnz0r |
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Zaaaack
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| Joined: 25 Dec 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1644 |
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| 19 Nov 2011 03:36 PM |
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?" The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room." After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow." The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news." The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?" The grandmother said,"No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything around here." |
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Zaaaack
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| Joined: 25 Dec 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1644 |
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| 19 Nov 2011 03:38 PM |
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool." |
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Zaaaack
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| Joined: 25 Dec 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1644 |
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| 19 Nov 2011 03:41 PM |
An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.
He whispered, 'I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME.. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.'
The older lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her. As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her 'KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY..'!
So! The older lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.
IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, young, handsome prince
THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLDER LADY'S KISS.
SUDDENLY THE OLDER LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLDER LADY TURNED INTO?
COME ON GUESS!
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SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST Travelodge SHE COULD FIND!!!
She's older...... NOT BLOODY DEAD!!!!! OLD LADIES ROCK |
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Zaaaack
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| Joined: 25 Dec 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1644 |
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| 19 Nov 2011 03:51 PM |
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died.” St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!” St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. “Tell me about the day you died?”, he said to the third man in line. “OK, picture this, I’m newd, hiding inside a refrigerator …”
Newd is spelled wrong I know. |
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Zaaaack
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| Joined: 25 Dec 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1644 |
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Zaaaack
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| Joined: 25 Dec 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1644 |
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