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Re: I would appreciate any help...

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TaiWolf1234 is not online. TaiWolf1234
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 23207
01 Nov 2011 04:57 PM
Lately, I've noticed my lack of imagery when describing a character. I want my readers to have a visual understanding of the character's appearance.

Err...

Here's an example:
"A door slammed shut, and a dazzling woman strolled into the room. She had coffee-colored curly hair that passed her shoulders. Her strapless crimson red dress reached down to her ankles. Her skin was fairly pale, although it was just a minor detail in her appearance in this case. Her sea blue eyes glimmered in the streaks of sunlight filtering into the cramped room through the windows."

Judging from the books I've read, this isn't much at all, and I'd like to improve my characters' descriptions.

Any ideas?

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evilishnessII is not online. evilishnessII
Joined: 26 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 10275
01 Nov 2011 04:59 PM
Sorry, I ain't got crap.
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TaiWolf1234 is not online. TaiWolf1234
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 23207
01 Nov 2011 05:01 PM
Meh.

It's mainly the hair I struggle with. :3
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spinechiller is not online. spinechiller
Joined: 07 Feb 2008
Total Posts: 17210
01 Nov 2011 05:01 PM
Don't put yourself down so much. I'd say you're average at describing characters. The only thing I can see you left out is her age. Not specific, but how she looks. Does she look young? Does she look old? What age? Early 20's? Mid 60's? But other than that, you've done good. Congrats.

.:- S.C -:.
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Sahanke is not online. Sahanke
Joined: 14 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 22776
01 Nov 2011 05:03 PM
Well, I can helpz if you really need it.
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TaiWolf1234 is not online. TaiWolf1234
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 23207
01 Nov 2011 05:07 PM
@Spine,

Thanks. :3

I'll be sure to keep that tip in mind...

I have a tendency to attempt to go beyond my limits..

@Sahanke,

In what way?
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dudeguy12 is not online. dudeguy12
Joined: 07 Jan 2008
Total Posts: 4269
01 Nov 2011 05:13 PM
Try to use more similes Tai, such as...

Her thick hair fell down to her (I don't know, back?) as if it were a silky-smooth velvet.

Did that help?
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TaiWolf1234 is not online. TaiWolf1234
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 23207
01 Nov 2011 05:17 PM
Oooooh, interesting. I'll keep that in mind, as well.
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spinechiller is not online. spinechiller
Joined: 07 Feb 2008
Total Posts: 17210
01 Nov 2011 05:19 PM
I agree. Although you might think it may annoy readers, try to make a descriptive sentence about a subgect.

.:- S.C -:.
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TaiWolf1234 is not online. TaiWolf1234
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 23207
01 Nov 2011 05:20 PM
Could I have an example Spine?
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dudeguy12 is not online. dudeguy12
Joined: 07 Jan 2008
Total Posts: 4269
01 Nov 2011 05:20 PM
Glad I could help. Basically just use figurative language. Hyperbole's, Metaphor's, Simile's, etc.
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Ewtron is not online. Ewtron
Joined: 22 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 3132
01 Nov 2011 05:22 PM
Be sure to describe the character vividly, but don't overdo it. Having an entire page of adjectives can get pretty hard on the head. I heard that's the main mistake (amongst many) that Twilight made.
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TaiWolf1234 is not online. TaiWolf1234
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 23207
01 Nov 2011 05:26 PM
@Dude,

Will do.

@Ewtron,

What would be a decent length, if not an entire page? (Of course, I never had the intention to use an entire page.)
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spinechiller is not online. spinechiller
Joined: 07 Feb 2008
Total Posts: 17210
01 Nov 2011 05:27 PM
Alright. I really don't have much time, so I'll make it kind of short. Sorry :/

"The woman walked forward towards me, her shiney red heels keeping beat with her dominant stride. As she approached me, he lazer blue eyes looked me up and down, as if seeing if I was her prey worthy enough to be dismembered."
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TaiWolf1234 is not online. TaiWolf1234
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 23207
01 Nov 2011 05:29 PM
@Spine,

Oh, I see now.
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evilishnessII is not online. evilishnessII
Joined: 26 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 10275
01 Nov 2011 05:33 PM
has no subject.

Don't you just love it?
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Devirox1 is not online. Devirox1
Joined: 06 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 2320
01 Nov 2011 05:43 PM
I tend to think that over descriptive characters become annoying. When you do an intense, detailed description of someone, the rest of it looks dull in comparison. Rather, do a basic description in the first moments of meeting (like you did above-which I found adequate by all means) and then slowly use details as you go along.

Example: Her emerald eyes sparkled as she told me the exciting news.

Example: Her corkscrew curls bounced down her back as she sprinted through the forest.

Example: Her nondescript outfit- a simple cream dress with black lace- fit gorgeously, hanging off of her slim, tall body and accenting her dark skin perfectly.
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Devirox1 is not online. Devirox1
Joined: 06 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 2320
01 Nov 2011 05:46 PM
No one makes these intense mental notes of people when they first see them. The basics register, but they don't take studious noting of all their features.

"Hm... she has a curious freckle on her forehead. A strand of hair is flyaway on her cheek. Her eyes have yellow flecks in them. She has tanned skin on her forehead. Hm..."

Yeah no.
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TaiWolf1234 is not online. TaiWolf1234
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 23207
01 Nov 2011 05:53 PM
Thanks Devi. x3
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