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Re: Ressurected (Story)
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| 28 Oct 2011 03:29 PM |
NOTES: This story comes completley from my mind. I will make it up as I go along, not copy and paste a word doc. in sections. This story is made by me, was thought up by me, etc. . If this plot is very similar to anyone else's story or roleplay, I apoligize, for I did not mean to copy anyone, and I would delete it if it is their wish, unless, of course, my story was posted first, although unless I absolutley hate my writings I prefer not to have them destoryed, even if there's no chance of it going anywhere. I do hope you will support the story, and give me constructive critiscm. Please, that is all I ask of you, as long as you read it. I will not listen if you go 'THS STORY BD U NEED AD DIS". I'm not saying just because you don't use grammar I won't listen to you, just please type so it is readable, and don't tell me to add stuff over and over, if you think something should be added, just say so nicley. Now that notes are taken care of, shalll I begin writing the story?
(PS, evem if no one replies saying to begin, I will anyway.) |
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| 28 Oct 2011 03:47 PM |
I put my hand up to block out the blinding light. "Where am I," I think to myself, as the light recedes, revealing scientests in lab coats looking for me. "It actually worked?!" One of them says, scribbling something onto their keyboard. "Apparantly it did, Rollenfield," another says. "I'm gonna ask again, and if I don't get an answer, this is gonna get real bloody, real fast. "Calm down, Daniels," the one called Rollenburg says. "Why should I calm down? Last thing I remember, I was dead, and now I'm here, in your little sterile-white-hospital." "Yes, you were dead," Rollenburg says, backing up towards some security guards. "I swear to God, get back over here, or I will wring your neck." "Okay, okay," He says, walkinmg back towards me. "Anyway, we brought you back to life." He explains. "Why?" I ask, trying to break out of the bands they had tied me down to the bed with. "You were the captain of the Helios One mission, correct?" Rollenburg asks, scribbling onto his clipboard. "Yes, I was. How is that of significance?" I reply. "The capsule went down upon reentry into the atmosphere. We've launched nine more Helios missions, and only one of them has suceeded; but the capsule was destroyed." "Then how did it 'succeed'?" I ask. "The crew lived," Rollenburg says. "Oh, let him out of the restraints already!" He shouts, and the restriaints snap back, and I fall to the floor. "So, now-" "Let me guess," I start. "You've made a new Helios capsule, and you want me to captain the mission." "It's good to have you back, Captain."
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| 28 Oct 2011 05:03 PM |
Chapter Two "This is my crew?" I ask Rollenburg. "Yes, Captain, it is." "They better be good." I walk over to them, my helmet tucked under my arm. "Alright, men, we launch in a half hour. Are you ready?" "Yes, sir." "Good. I understand you haven't been briefed yet?" I ask them as we walk towards the capsule. They nod. "Well, basically, we're going to the moon. Gather rock samples, find the remains of Helios three and seven if we can. Understand?" "Yes, sir," The one that is called Johnson says. The crew, counting me, is made up of four men. Me, the captain, Johnson, the comms expert, Clarkson, the weapons guy, (Can't hurt to have a little protection, right?) and Rollenburg's son - who wouldn't be landing, but staying up while we land down there and do all the dangerous stuff. "Well, looks like I'm about to go into space - again." I say as I climb into the capsule.
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Devirox1
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| Joined: 06 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 2320 |
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| 28 Oct 2011 05:09 PM |
| Is this open for critique? Or will you get mad at my honest opinions? |
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| 28 Oct 2011 05:13 PM |
| REad the Notes, read the Notes. I state everything about conrsutive criticism (CONTRSUCTIVE CIRTISCM, NOT JUST OPENLY SAYING 'The story sucks'. So, I won't get mad, if it's constutcive critiscm.) |
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| 28 Oct 2011 09:57 PM |
Chapter Three "T-minues ten, nine, eight," The countdown clock had started. The camera that had given me was pointed at me, tied to my waist. They wanted this doucumented. I flipped it on.
FOOTAGE REEL August Eighth, two thousand and twenty. Captain Daniels can be seen on the camera. "Here we go, baby," Daniels says to the camera. "T-Minus one. We have liftoff." The countdown clock can be heard in the background. The capsule begins to lift off, and you can see the g forces on the astronauts faces as the capsule struggles to break through the atmoshphere. "I think we're out," Johnsons says. "Welcome to space, boys," Captain Daniels says, floating out of his seat and over to the control panel. "Houston, this is Daniels, we are out of the atmosphere. I'll be sure to bring you lots of pretty shots of the moon." |
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| 29 Oct 2011 07:22 AM |
| Is it just me, or does this seem strangely like the movie on the Apollo spacecraft? But its a good story nethertheless. Daniels seems pretty cool. But in the beginning, I thought that he was ressurected, like, stronger. Is that what happened? |
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| 29 Oct 2011 10:44 AM |
| Well, I n, if you mean by the same as Apollo 18 by being told by 'lost footage', then, yes, they are kind of similar. And by ressurected stronger? Er. no, he came back as he was when he died. |
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| 29 Oct 2011 04:36 PM |
Chapter Four FOOTAGE REEL Friday August Thirteenth, two thousand and twenty "Welcome to the moon, boys," Daniels says. The moon can be seen on the camera. "Rollenburg, get us down there." "Yes, sir," Rollenburg's son says. The landing module breaks of from the rest of the ship, and the crew can be seen strapped to their seats as they go towards the moon. Red alarm lights start flashing. "Malfunction," A computerized voice says. "What's going on?" Johnson shouts. "You guys' landing gear is stuck, and, the thrusters aren't working." Rollenburg's son's voice comes over the radio. "Damn, why'd we try and land on Friday the Thirteenth?" Daniels shouts. "Don't ask me!" Johnson shouted. "Clarkson, get our thrusters back up! I'll go get the landing gear un-jammed. Johnson, take this!" The camera view goes to the cieling, then Daniels can be seen on it. "Captain, you can'-" "I wasn't asking! Just get some shots of it!" Daniels shoves his helmet on, and, making sure every else has theirs on, opens the capsule door. He throws a rope to Johnson. "Hold this. When I tug three times, pull me in. If I tug once, you cut it." Daniels ties the rope onto his leg, and climbs out of the capsule, finding handholds on the side. The camera goes to Johnson's face. "This is Danny Johnson," he says. "Helios ten, comms expert. We have gone into land and our capsule has malfunctioned. Captain Daniels is trying to un-jam the ladning gear. I am acting captain, and if he dies, I will take the position of captain." He then turns his head and shouts to Clarkson off-screen. "James, are our thrusters back up?" "Yeah! Now Captain just needs to get the landing gear out!" Clarkson shouts. "Hang on!" The camera is shaking, suggesting Johnson is running, and then Daniels can be seen under the ship, pulling on the landing gear. "Captain! Hurry up! If you take much longer -" "I know!" Daniels shouts as he yanks one of the landing gear out. Then another, and the third. "Pull me in, kid!" "James, help me!" Johnson shouts, and Clarkson runs over, and they tug Daniels in, and slam the door shut. "How did we just do that?!" Clarkson shouts. "Don't question it. We still have a moon to explore." Daniels says. "Gimme the camera." |
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