Nimna
|
  |
| Joined: 07 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2666 |
|
|
| 23 Oct 2011 11:33 PM |
Outline
Lavinia 2097, the whole planet is in a state of war. Twelve armies fight for power and wealth over each other. There is no peace between sides, only alliances. Everyone has submerged themselves into an army, by choice or not. Their names are RAT, VAK, WIJ, VS, FEDT, UAF, ULR, SA, Tactical Assault Team, Renegrade Brigade, Arctic Defense, TLA. Each is lead by a leader who's real name is secret. They call themselves ColourTheory, Vaktus, Silent, Juggernaut, Boba, Ben Blue, Fall, FOOGER, Red, CP and ToniToni. There is a resistance though, Sardok Koon. They are 60 000 strong and have no allies. They destroy outposts with their heavily trained force, they never leave anyone alive. They always attack the military population, they never attack civilians. One day, these 13 forces must ally to face a deadly foe on the other side of their planet. For centuries people went to explore the other side of planet and never returned.... Out of fear the SA built a wall across their border but WIJ did not. There was no contact between whoever lived on the other side of the planet with them.... Until now. WIJ, the civilization living on the border is attacked. Two major cities in the WIJ Nation are demolished with no signs of life left behind. No one knows why and who did this. One week later a radio wave reaches the radio station in a small FEAR community. Soon everyone in Lavinia hears it on their radio sets. It cancels out all the other waves and keeps playing and playing. An elderly man speaks. He sounds like he is in pain. He then says one sentence. "You must join together or die, you don't have much time but-" The last part always got cut off by a gunshot, a loud crack followed by a small zing.
Would this make an intresting story or not? |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 23 Oct 2011 11:34 PM |
| No. Don't be offended, You asked. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
meto02
|
  |
| Joined: 17 Dec 2008 |
| Total Posts: 11373 |
|
|
| 23 Oct 2011 11:35 PM |
Someone who hates RAT makes a story about the fall of RAT.
NO ONE SAW THAT COMING. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
b3njam1n
|
  |
| Joined: 05 Nov 2007 |
| Total Posts: 19389 |
|
| |
|
|
| 23 Oct 2011 11:36 PM |
| What Jedi Master Met0 Said. Listen to the master. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Nimna
|
  |
| Joined: 07 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2666 |
|
|
| 23 Oct 2011 11:41 PM |
| Anyone who has at least a bit of common sense would realise the Frostarian Union was actually all 13 armies combined in one. That would be unless you didn't read the last four lines. Also if you are just going to say it's not intresting please leave some ways to make it better and more intresting. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 23 Oct 2011 11:43 PM |
| If you want some ways to make it more interesting, Go on The "Roblox Talk" Forum. They'll get ya some REALLY interesting ideas. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Nimna
|
  |
| Joined: 07 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2666 |
|
|
| 23 Oct 2011 11:44 PM |
| Also I am very fond Of RAT and have almost no hard feelings against RAT OR CT. I realise CT is a bit too busy to hear everyones side of the story, |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
meto02
|
  |
| Joined: 17 Dec 2008 |
| Total Posts: 11373 |
|
|
| 23 Oct 2011 11:44 PM |
| Frostarian Union controlled by RAT, is now separated into 13 armies slowly falling apart. How about pick a different name it's like if I made FALL OF THE VAKTOVIA with exactly what you did. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
Nimna
|
  |
| Joined: 07 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2666 |
|
|
| 23 Oct 2011 11:52 PM |
| The RT is filled with too many noobs to get a proper review. Also please realise this is just an outline of this books first three chapters. Also I consider myself a good writer since I have racked up over 10 000 views on wattpad but I make horrible, undescriptive outlines with little use of metaphors of similes since this whole outline is just straight from my head. Expect many plot changes. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Nimna
|
  |
| Joined: 07 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2666 |
|
|
| 23 Oct 2011 11:59 PM |
@Met
I may be ruining part of the story by saying this but the name only comes from their location and it only signifies the unity of all 13 armies.
@Hevy
I said I was not fond of the path the RWI and RAT were headed in. I had a chat though with some Sparrows and they were actually very polite and respectful and explained very nicely about why CT was too busy. Me and RAT are cool now though but the RWI Alliance still scares me. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
battery56
|
  |
| Joined: 04 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 7232 |
|
|
| 24 Oct 2011 12:01 AM |
I personally like the outline very much. I would like to hear things in more detail and a more expanded version. Great idea there, I like where it's going.
+1 approval for dealing with all those noob RAT HRs
Pfft. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Nimna
|
  |
| Joined: 07 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2666 |
|
|
| 24 Oct 2011 12:13 AM |
| Thanks, I actually wanted to make this a planet vs planet thing like in my dreams but I still don't have the skills to pull that off. Oh yeah don't worry I write alot better than this. I just wrote this idea down the moment I had it three days ago and now I posted it. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
aim077
|
  |
| Joined: 04 Mar 2010 |
| Total Posts: 138 |
|
| |
|
Nimna
|
  |
| Joined: 07 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2666 |
|
| |
|
Nimna
|
  |
| Joined: 07 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2666 |
|
| |
|
Nimna
|
  |
| Joined: 07 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2666 |
|
| |
|