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Re: "A Legend's Beginning" [RL Novel. Prologue Sneak Peak for you guys!]

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Moltak118 is not online. Moltak118
Joined: 08 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 3346
22 Oct 2011 08:48 PM
Here is a Prologue for my new book: "A Legend's Beginning" Based off of the RTD series!
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Prologue
Khade
The light of the Twin Suns of Itricus grew dimmer than usual. Storm clouds formed in the sky, it began raining. I could hear a faint cry for help. Us Guardians haven't been chosen for centuries. Every minute I ask myself, 'Why me?'
"It's alright Khade." Ivy says to me, putting a hand on my shoulder.
I sigh, "I know Ivy. What if I'm no good at it? I mean, I don't get why I would get chosen for something like this."
"You were chosen. No one's as good at this as you WILL be." She says to me softly.
I nod to her. We continue walking down the long tunnel, our footsteps making sounds against the wet pavement. In a matter of seconds we meet a large wooden gate. There are beautiful carvings of the original Seven Guardians on it. The doors are outlined with pure gold and shimmers when it's wet.
"Anyone have ANY idea how to open this thing?" Adrian blurts out.
As a response to what he said, I quickly go and examine the door. The designs, the details, they are all elegant but I can't find anything that could help open it. I finally notice one thing that I should have before, a silver lock. I continuously tinker and play with it, but I can't seem to unlock it. I go back to walking around the sides of the door.
"Khade, there's no way we can open it." Zane says to me.
I glance over at him then go back to studying it, not responding. I know there is SOME way to open it. I notice something, indents around the carvings of the Guardians. I press my hands against all over the door, hoping it could be some kind of button. Something pushes inward, the Fire Guardian carving. It makes a loud creaking sound then a scrape. The head of the carving seems to come to life, because it turned and is now staring right at me. The head scans me, observes me. Then he smiles.
"Khade Moore, future Protector, Guardian of Itricus. With a heart of courage, and eyes of fire, you will control the Element of Fire. Take good care of it." The carving says to me.
And with that, the head switches back into place and slides over. A compartment slides out. And there lies an elegant stone, with different carvings of the Fire Guardians throughout time. I turned it around, there was a symbol on it, I couldn't tell what it was but it looked pretty cool. Letters glew intensely under the symbol, it spelled out my name: Khade Moore.
The carving slides back into place and doesn't move at all, not even talk. I was too busy admiring my Pillar that I didn't realize that the others are doing the exact same as I was.
"This is amazing!" I hear Thane. "I mean, it has all these carvings on it! My name glows under the symbol! Just... WOW!"
I laugh. "Yeah Thane very exciting, but how does it work?"
That leaves everyone in silence. I know they are thinking what I just said. We all continue to examine it in silence.
"Wait." I hear Cold exclaim. We all look at him. "What was the lock for then? It has to do something."
Now I have two questions I'm wondering about. Footsteps clank behind me. I quickly turn around to see what it is. I believe it's a Madyst, but it doesn't look like it that much. The man has dark skin, he's wearing gold and silver plated armor and some sort of peculiar helmet on. A sword is held inbetween both his hands and the blade is facing downward. He stops at the gigantic door and turns around and just stands there.
"What are you doing?" I ask the strange man in armor.
"Guarding the gate of the Guardians." The man replies, his voice is very deep. "You are not allowed to see what is in this gate until you're ready."
"What's the silver lock for?" Ivy asks.
"It's to lock the door, only I hold the key to opening it." He bangs his sword on the ground. "My sword is the key to it. Now Quinym is waiting for you in the skyroom."
The skyroom is a huge room with no ceiling but there's a charm on it where if it rains, no rain will be able to get into the room. Quite a site, been there once. We walk out of sight of the guard.
"He scares me." Thane says aloud.
"Everything scares you Thane." Adrian teases him. "So where's the skyroom again? I don't think I remember where that was."
I roll my eyes and run ahead of the group, they follow behind me. We run up flights of stairs only in seconds. Our footsteps make loud stomps as we run. We run past guards as they yell at us to stop running. I can hear gasping and panting behind me, I know they're exhausted from running.
"Why are we running anyway?" Says Zane, panting.
"We need to stop fooling around." I say to the others. "I mean only in a few hours we're gonna be facing Draek! We need to be ready!"
"Wow Khade," Ivy says gasping for air. "That was actually smart of you to say so."
For the rest of the way up we don't talk. We stop at the door to the skyroom, it's small actually compared to the Gate of the Guardians. The guards stop us once we go in.
"No one is allowed to go in the skyroom without a formal request from Quinym." One of the guards says.
"We did get a form request." I reply to him. "And even if we didn't you'd still have to let us in."
Before they can respond, I pull out the Pillar of Fire. Without questioning, they let us in immediately.
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If you like it so far, it'll get better. Hopefully I'll be able to finish it and find a publisher. The book will be COMPLETELY finished around April 2012. I really hopae you guys like it. Know any good publishers? xD
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Xilirite is not online. Xilirite
Joined: 31 Oct 2009
Total Posts: 6995
22 Oct 2011 08:52 PM
It's based off of something?
...
You can't really publish it if it is.
What is RTD, anyways?
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Moltak118 is not online. Moltak118
Joined: 08 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 3346
22 Oct 2011 08:55 PM
Well it's based off of MY role-play. And the role-play is "Return to Destiny."

So the only people who know what this book is really based from, is the people on the role-play forums.
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Xilirite is not online. Xilirite
Joined: 31 Oct 2009
Total Posts: 6995
22 Oct 2011 11:03 PM
Ah, I thought it was based off of something a bit more copyrighted.

It's quite good, and I now have the urge to seek out your thread.
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KoopaBowser is not online. KoopaBowser
Joined: 26 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 7433
22 Oct 2011 11:11 PM
So can I, or can I not join the RP? I've been asking that for days. D:
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KoopaBowser is not online. KoopaBowser
Joined: 26 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 7433
22 Oct 2011 11:15 PM
TYPO

"Why are we running anyway?" Says Zane, panting.


'Says' should not be capitlized.
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Moltak118 is not online. Moltak118
Joined: 08 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 3346
23 Oct 2011 11:11 AM
[ All of you can join, just find it. Heheh. And thanks Koopa. ]
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KoopaBowser is not online. KoopaBowser
Joined: 26 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 7433
23 Oct 2011 12:03 PM
No problem.


And on the role play, what abilities/powers are left?
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KoopaBowser is not online. KoopaBowser
Joined: 26 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 7433
23 Oct 2011 12:07 PM
The designs, the details, they are all elegant but I can't find anything that could help open it.



'But' should have a comma before it.
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KoopaBowser is not online. KoopaBowser
Joined: 26 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 7433
23 Oct 2011 12:09 PM
I continuously tinker and play with it, but I can't seem to unlock it.


It should be: I continuously tinker and play with it ,but I can't seem to unlock it.
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Moltak118 is not online. Moltak118
Joined: 08 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 3346
23 Oct 2011 12:13 PM
You put the comma right after "it" I believe. I have never read a book where it does that.
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KoopaBowser is not online. KoopaBowser
Joined: 26 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 7433
23 Oct 2011 12:14 PM
I always thought it was that. In writing class, the teacher always put it ',but'
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KoopaBowser is not online. KoopaBowser
Joined: 26 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 7433
23 Oct 2011 12:16 PM
Oh yea, you're right. >>
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