|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:17 PM |
Surviving a zombie apocalypse is a gamble, this guide may increase your chances at survival. (tl;dr, press ctrl + f, then type tl;dr until you reach the tl;dr section)
Let's begin:
•How to Survive a Zombie Attack First things first, you have to know your enemy. Zombies come in two flavors: fast and slow. Fast are definitely cool, but you'll need more than a baseball bat and a pair of running sneakers to survive that zombie attack. Slow zombies -well why the heck would anyone die from a slow zombie? If you can't get away from a slow zombie, you earned dismemberment. (unless of course you get overrun by a bunch of them)
Let's suppose that you made it through the first 10minutes of the zombie-fest,and while most of your town are looking for live flesh to feast on, you're wondering how to hot-wire a car and get out of town. You need a plan of action..
The most important thing that you can do in a zombie attack is to act decisively from the start. Zombies are slow and stupid, before they have great numbers to rely on, their greatest advantage is the element of surprise. Remember to keep away from strange, drunk looking people and to act decisively to neutralize any zombies you do encounter. Even if they are loved ones. In the long run this is better for you, less cruel for them and it is more than likely what your loved one would have wanted.
•Preparation
Preparing now for zombiedom is a good idea. Remember what the TV preacher said, "When hell is full, the dead will walk the earth." So it's bound to happen sooner or later. Since it would look weird if you started bricking up your windows and stockpiling rifles, you have to be smart about this. First, get to know the guy in town who bought a pallet of Spam to survive Y2K. He probably still has a ton of that stuff around, and knows all the good hiding places.
Next, scout out all the big box retailers that carry ammo and food. Not too many eh?Tough luck, blue-stator. Someplace like WalMart is ideal, especially with the Garden Center for seed and stuff for long-term survival. A big bonus would be a nearby Home Depot or some such place so you can get plenty of lumber and quick-mix concrete for fortification.
While you're preparing, always keep in mind locations where people congregate-you're likely to find lots of zombies there when things turn ugly. Highways, malls, and schools are especially bad. You also might want to mention to your friends and family in passing how well your hiding place could be defended, etc. That way, when the zombies come, they'll remember you said that and come help you. I don't recommend telling them you're preparing for a zombie invasion.
•First, the Fun Stuff
After your initial panic, it's important to remember that a significant component of your survival is the demise of the ghouls trying to get your tasty brains. Despite some reports to the contrary, the only way to permanently un-animate a zombie is to destroy its brain.This isn't rocket science (although that would be a cool way to do it). A gunshot to the head is the most direct way to disable a zombie, but not the only way. Decapitation also works, although the head will probably still function so don't let it bite you. If you survive long enough, and society collapses along with any hope of rescue, you'll need to develop some means of skull penetration that doesn't involve guns -a professional bow hunting setup works if After your initial panic, you can get it. You might be squeamish at first, taking out your neighbors; with time this will pass, you might even adopt a gleeful hangman's sense of humor in your executions.
"First, let's get one myth out of the way: During a zombie attack, the zombies you'll be facing have about 1/10th the agility of an average human."Run or Hide This is a no-brainer. You gotta hole up somewhere eventually, but pick carefully. Let's say that the outbreak is localized to your city, but you know that the neighboring town is zombie-free. Flee to the neighboring town.I know this sounds obvious, but don't sit around waiting for grandma to bite you. Get to the safe town, find a gun store, and join the Militia. But that isn't much fun, so let's think about what you'd do if the whole country is overrun. Since you already did your prep work, make a bee line for the WalMart you picked out earlier. Hot Tip:Pick a new WalMart if you can. Zombies tend try to do the things they were doing when they were alive, so they're gonna head to the mall, or WalMart, or school... you get the idea. And since we're on the subject, malls are a bad place to hole up in. Too many entrances, and not enough goodies for long term survival. In short, pick a new general merchandise or grocery big box store. You get lots of canned food to eat, and only one or two large entrances to guard. If you can fend off the zombies for a little while, you're fine.
Use the Buddy System Don't be a dummy. If your buddy is bitten by a zombie, shoot him in the head and get it over with. Otherwise, gather the refugees, and lead them to safety. People will follow anyone who acts like they know what they're doing, and you need the man power to subdue the throngs at WalMart. Not to mention that a good zombie attack needs plenty of extras. Since the average WalMart has enough food to keep a few thousand people fed for a week or more, you should have enough staples to get by for a few months if you limit your group to around 100 or so. There's a trade-off here between having enough people to defend your fort, and enough food to keep them fed. The basic idea to get from this section is, have enough people to root out the zombies and block the entrances, but not so many people that you have to ration the food heavily. Also,make sure you have some girls. Preferably hot chicks, but in the absence of those some tough biker babes would work.
While WalMart would seem the most likely place to live through a zombie attack, it's actually a giant death trap if the situation requires you stay there indefinitely. Think about it: Yes you can grow food, but how much soil is actually at a Walmart. Figuring that you'll need at least a foot of soil to grow anything successfully, there really isn't enough to grow food for more than a handful of people.Also, not the food on hand when you enter the WalMart will stay fresh for long periods of time. All produce, frozen goods, dairy, and meat will be useless after the power goes out. Basically, only a third of the food at WalMart will be edible after a few weeks. If you want to survive, I suggest getting out of town and heading as faraway from civilization as possible. Avoid cars as zombies flock to that noise. Use bikes as they require nothing but human power. Find a nice place somewhere in the mountains and avoid water, because while zombies can't swim,they can walk along the bottom of rivers and lakes, emerging on the other side.
Zen and the Art of Fortification
How lame is this... you and a few buddies are holed up in a mall, with who knows how many entrances,and instead of bricking up the glass you eat hot dogs on the fine china at Macy's? First, you aren't going to do that,because you already picked out the big box retailer you're taking over. Second, you're going to spend the first day sealing all entrances. If you chose wisely, you have a store with some kind of concrete mix in it, or a home building center nearby. As soon as you've cleared the store of zombies, and maybe even before, you need to brick up the glass entrances. You can worry about the others later, they're smaller and harder to open from the outside anyway.
Be generous and thorough with your fortification. A few pieces of lumber nailed up is OK for an emergency start, but don't forget to make it permanent. You might consider some kind of buttress design as well, since I'm not sure what kind of force thousands of zombies could put on an amateur brickwork. Finally, don't make the mistake of assuming your fortifications will hold. Check them everyday, measuring the wall to make sure it hasn't moved. You also might consider building a second wall in case it gets broken through.
T-Shirts aren't Bite Proof
This is one I've never figured out. Zombification occurs shortly after being bit by a zombie. So why are people running around in t-shirts for days and weeks after Z-Day? Get some freaking armor! Thick leather will work in the short term. Later on, get some aluminum siding or something else metallic and affix it to your clothes. Even zombies can't bite through that stuff. Important areas to protect include the forearms, neck, and legs. Just make sure it's flexible enough to give you some freedom of movement. Helmets are a good idea too.
As for armor, the added weight of leather would slow you down over time. Tight fitting, thin, breathable clothing combined with mobility will save you from the undead ones.
Long Term Survival Let's recap: you've (probably) survived the initial zombie invasion, banded together a few dozen survivors, and fortified a big box retail store with plenty of food and goodies. So what's your long term prognosis? Not good. You'll eventually run out of water, canned food, and fuel for the generator. In fact,you'll be in the dark in a day or two, and the water will be gone shortly after that. Unless, of course, you don't panic, and plan ahead. Don't worry, I'll help you out.
If you hide at a WalMart like I told you, you don't need to worry too much about lighting. The skylights do a fair job of illumination during the day, and battery powered flashlights will be OK at night time. But if you're brave, you can venture outside to get fuel from filling station. And if you're lucky, you'll find a tanker truck to drive back to home base. Personally, I'd rather live in the dark. It might be a good idea to keep a CB radio in your car for just this type of event, and try to get a trucker to bring the tanker to your fort when Z-Day arrives. For water and food, I can help you out there. The first thing to do after securing your fort is fill every container in the store with tap water. You might have a few days of water available, but I wouldn't count on it. Electricity, water, and sewage will disappear soon, so you want all the drinking water you can get. Now that you've got that straightened out, you're going to become a farmer. Lucky for you, the Garden Center has lots of seeds and soil, and the store has a big roof for planting. This is a good time to learn the art of composting and water filtration - your alternative to the toilet. I'd place that on the roof too, otherwise things could get smelly inside.
So now you are set. You've buttressed the walls to protect against the press of the zombies, you have a few dozen armed followers, and enough veggies to keep everyone fed. You can hold out here for years. What happens next depends on a lot of variables. Are there any other survivors? I can imagine a naval fleet having no problems defending itself from zombies. Nuclear powered submarines should be especially safe, they can run for decades. Maybe enough people survived somewhere to come rescue you. If everyone else is zombied, well that would suck. How long will zombies "live"**? Even though they're dead, they still maintain some kind of metabolism and thought process. You'd think that eventually they'll cease activity and it will be safe enough to venture out. Then again, they might be immortal, in which case you are screwed. It's kinda hard to kill 6 billion zombies with just a few 22s and a shotgun.
tl;dr section: Find a good place, and survive.
I was bored.
|
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Boeing717
|
  |
 |
| Joined: 08 Jun 2008 |
| Total Posts: 70007 |
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:19 PM |
zombies are a hivemind
take down the first zombie and you take them all down |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:21 PM |
@boeing
Indeed, but let us assume we did not get control over that. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Boeing717
|
  |
 |
| Joined: 08 Jun 2008 |
| Total Posts: 70007 |
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:22 PM |
| the original zombie will appear more intelligent and that is how you know how to kill it |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
noobdance
|
  |
| Joined: 18 Jul 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1381 |
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:31 PM |
| Nice guide. Very likey they'll just fall part in years I mean they might not gain ripped muscles (hopely) so they'll get weaker over time. Hopefully. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:34 PM |
@noob
They WILL eventually fall apart as the tissue of the zombies will continue to rot, until they fall apart.
That may take a while. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:35 PM |
| Easy way to avoid zombies, Learn to fly. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
roman117
|
  |
 |
| Joined: 28 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 37991 |
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:36 PM |
HAHAHAHAHAHHAA
OH GOD
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA
OH GOD
I CANT BREATHE
HAHAHAHA
OH THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY OP
HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA *snort* HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
HAHAHAHA |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:38 PM |
@roman
YOU ARE WELCOME, GOOD SIR! |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
noobdance
|
  |
| Joined: 18 Jul 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1381 |
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:40 PM |
| @roman Why are you laughing randomly? Who cares if there not a zombie aplosyse or what not geez. It's still entertaining. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
roman117
|
  |
 |
| Joined: 28 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 37991 |
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:40 PM |
@Im
Seriously though, i'm laughing hard right now.
This thread is the best joke i've read in months.
You are the mistress of jokes. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:42 PM |
@roman
I made this thread for the purpose of entertainment, with valid info :u
Glad you are happy because of this thread :P |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
roman117
|
  |
 |
| Joined: 28 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 37991 |
|
|
| 07 Oct 2011 06:43 PM |
"with valid info"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OH GOD
PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH
HAAAAHAHAHA
MY SIDE HURTS SO BAD
AAAAHAHAHAHAHAA |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
|
| 10 Oct 2011 07:37 AM |
@roman
This info is 100% true facts!
LAUGH SUM MOAR. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
EOL
|
  |
| Joined: 25 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 7072 |
|
|
| 10 Oct 2011 07:38 AM |
| Let's hope there's not gonna be the left 4 dead zombies or we're all screwed. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
gamer4900
|
  |
| Joined: 01 Nov 2010 |
| Total Posts: 272 |
|
|
| 10 Oct 2011 08:05 AM |
| How long did it take you to type this? |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
jim001
|
  |
| Joined: 06 Jun 2009 |
| Total Posts: 3703 |
|
|
| 10 Oct 2011 08:17 AM |
-.- What scares me is that you guys think zombies are real... -.-
This guide has no function. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 10 Oct 2011 05:03 PM |
@gamer
two minutes.
@jim
Just in case it may happen.
Not saying it will, lol |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 10 Oct 2011 05:12 PM |
My plan:
Tear down the staircase in my home, and stock pile everything up there.
Make the house seem abandoned, so it would not be a place of intrest or food for zombies.
Buy machete's(you can actually buy these at Home Depots....LOL) and baseball bats.
Clean the bathtub and sinks, plug them in, and turn on the cold water(thirst will become your greatest enemy in just a few days)
After supplies are dimished, head to the national gaurd outpost in my neighborhood.
If it's overrun, take any usefull things, look at a map, find a good place to call home. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 10 Oct 2011 05:17 PM |
Schools, believe it or not, would be perfect. I doubt many people would go there, as they would flock to their homes first.
All schools are actually legally made to withstand a riot, so if you decide to lay low in a school for a little while, it would be a good choice.(food in thr cafeteria, medicene and medical supplies in the nurse and gym offices. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 10 Oct 2011 05:21 PM |
And another problem with places like Walmart, is that after long terms, people will go outside looking for supplies. And most of these people will kill to get what they want. I would perfet not going to a place like that unless I had alot of people with me, who know how to use a gun.
|
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 10 Oct 2011 05:25 PM |
UR DOING EET RONG! --- There are not 'Types' of zombies. Only the attributes of the original host.
Meaning, if a fat guy gets infected, congrats, a fat zombie.
If a skater/punk gets infected, the zombie will tend to use hoodies, and stand with a slouch.
A cross-country runner gets infected in the original virus (everyone knows a zombie can't catch a cross-country runner), you will have a zombie that will chase you until you die, or it dies.
etc.
Zombies still retain a bit of the original personalities. Hopefully, me or you won't get infected. Then the zombies will know how to find survivors.
--- Official Old Man of OT Keeper of the Unwritten Rules of OT |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
form2275
|
  |
| Joined: 09 Jul 2007 |
| Total Posts: 6041 |
|
|
| 10 Oct 2011 05:35 PM |
Too long. Didn't read.
Answer to subject: Have fat/unathletic friends. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|