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Re: -Flaming Steel-

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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
27 Sep 2011 07:00 PM
THIS IS MUH FIRST STORY. Don't hate, tell me how I can improve, please.

-Prologue-

I'll never forget the war. The metallic thunk of the battlemechs stomping into the battlefield. The cold, inhuman look of the soldiers, their steel armour shining. The fear I felt, as I marched slowly with those soldiers. The crack and slam of bullet meeting armour.

Most people think war is glorious, full of great battles and capturing of the "horrid enemies" by our "glorious soldiers". Well, let those people think, as they lounge in their homes, knowing war is nowhere near them. But what about us? The men in the front lines. We know what war is about. We've seen our friends die, forever lost to their friends and family. We know the harsh reality of war, being it slamming an enemy soldier on the face with the butt of a rifle, or ripping our foe apart with hot lead.

We're not those glorious soldiers of the people's imagination. We're bandits, thieves, cold blooded killers. And I? I'm John Sturmgard. And this, is my story.
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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
27 Sep 2011 07:06 PM
Awww, c'mon. Didn't think I'd have to bump this.
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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
27 Sep 2011 07:43 PM
Bump.
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
27 Sep 2011 07:43 PM
Reading...
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
27 Sep 2011 07:44 PM
:U

MOREEEEEE
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SkyLight is not online. SkyLight
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 12567
27 Sep 2011 07:54 PM
-reads-

First reaction: 8DDD I LOVE IT! <33333

-scrolls down-

Second reaction: Wha?! No more? GIMME MORE TO READ! NOMNOMNOMNOM -rage attack rage face BLAAARH-

As you can see, I am enjoying your story, CapRex. :3
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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
27 Sep 2011 07:57 PM
I'll post a bit of what I have of the first chapter.
A preview of sorts.

The Sparrowhawk was a rusty old bird, and it made me uncomfortable. Not because the place my squad sat was uncomfortable, but the look and feeling of the place. You could hear the wind howling outside, and I'm sure there was dried blood on the wall. But, it was our transport to the front lines, or whereever we had been sent. They didn't tell us. They just told us to grab our helmets, and our rifles. I've always hated helmets. They make me claustrophobic.



Random bit :D.
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SkyLight is not online. SkyLight
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 12567
27 Sep 2011 07:59 PM
-clap clap clap-

8DDD
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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
27 Sep 2011 08:00 PM
I am actually typing out chapter 1 currently in microsoft word or something like that.
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SkyLight is not online. SkyLight
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 12567
27 Sep 2011 08:02 PM
Hm... I see....

I shall be waiting. =u=
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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
27 Sep 2011 08:14 PM
Chapter 1 : Mech Support?

The Sparrowhawk was a rusty old bird, and it made me uncomfortable. Not because the place my squad sat was uncomfortable, but the look and feeling of the place. You could hear the wind howling outside, and I'm sure there was dried blood on the wall. But, it was our transport to the front lines, or whereever we had been sent. They didn't tell us. They just told us to grab our helmets, and our rifles. I've always hated helmets. They make me claustrophobic. One of the other soldiers asked his friend if he had any water to share. He sounded like a nice man, from the way he spoke. But I knew, that he, like the rest of us, would kill without a second thought. That’s how they trained us. If they trained us that is. I was lucky, I joined up before the war even began. I got some good training in tactics and all that [Censored]. But some of these kids looked like they only got told how to flick off the safety and what uniform belonged to which army. Poor guys probably wouldn’t stand a chance.

The pilot’s voice (Xavier was his name, I believe) sounded through our helmet-comlinks. “We’re approaching the dropzone. Better get your act together, boys!”. He laughed as he said that last bit. Made me shiver, it did. Not as in a snowy, cold shiver. More like the shiver you get when you see someone dead, or some crud like that. I asked one of the other soldiers, from the looks of him a Sergeant, what our mission was. “I don’t know squat about where we’re going, they didn’t tell me. Some place in upper Canada. Fire support for battlemechs and a tank platoon, is our objective, I believe.” He was about to say something else, but was interrupted by the pilot again. “Dropzone in sight. We’re about to go in, over.” There was some thumps as the copter landed.
The back hatch opened, and we poured out. What we saw next, scared the living daylights out of us…
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
27 Sep 2011 08:15 PM
LONGER CHAPTERSSSSS MORE DETAILLLLLLLL.
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pikachucrazy1 is not online. pikachucrazy1
Joined: 13 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 5585
27 Sep 2011 08:16 PM
Can I join in?
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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
27 Sep 2011 08:18 PM
Guys, eventually the soldiers will need names.
Come up with some for me.
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
27 Sep 2011 08:19 PM
Jim
Bob
Joe
Hal
Russ
Slappy McGee
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SkyLight is not online. SkyLight
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 12567
27 Sep 2011 08:21 PM
Meeeeh...

What about:

Cayden
Aiden
Alexei
Lucian

:3 Those are the names I like. ^^
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
27 Sep 2011 08:21 PM
SLAPPY MCGEE!!!
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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
27 Sep 2011 08:23 PM
Fire, please stop being an idiot. It's hard to work when I'm being trolled :3.

More chapters tommorow, cappy is tired.
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SkyLight is not online. SkyLight
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 12567
27 Sep 2011 08:24 PM
Lol X3

Nighty night. ^^
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
27 Sep 2011 08:25 PM
No but seriously. Longer chapters.
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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
27 Sep 2011 08:25 PM
Who says I'm going to bed?
I'm just tired of writing X3.
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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
27 Sep 2011 08:26 PM
@Fire

Entire chapters don't always come in one post. Just thought I'd make a mid-chapter cliff hanger.
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SkyLight is not online. SkyLight
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 12567
27 Sep 2011 08:27 PM
Oh, lol. :3

I hate you for cliff hanging us but I still love cliff hangers. :P
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WhyHelloThere is not online. WhyHelloThere
Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 10120
27 Sep 2011 08:31 PM
Kadien is a name.

Means "companion" or something.
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
27 Sep 2011 08:38 PM
:P

Kay.
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