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| 23 Sep 2011 09:52 PM |
I stumble through the bubble, with my large radiation suit, and my Energy cell pack, it is alot of weight, around 70lbs. I press a small button hidden in my pockets and my helmet comes undone, I walk into the room, the bubble is protecting the room from being hit by the radiation outside, I take off my enery cell pack and but it on a coffee table to the right, I sit on the chair by the desk, I pick up the pencil lying by the paper and start to write a letter...
"This is doctor Zorchoff, I am going to enter throught the Parthosphere, If I do not return before you recieve this, tell macy and my kids I have passed, and to go on with life, I do not want them to worry, nor you to worry. I shall try and bring back new life, and discover whats in there, I do not know it my lead-radiation suit will protect me, or my pressurization pack + my cell pack, but please, wish me luck...
-Jakov Zorchoff"
This is actually a small cave, I reattach the helmet, reattach the cell pack, and walk through the bubble, otuside, a windstorm is blowing fiestly, and in the center of the rocky area, a Small portal, Green with a hint of black it was, spiraling and inside, you could see a tint of purple and grewy spiraling inwards. 'Well, here goes nothing' I say and Walk in..
The Parthosphere is a Portal, which was opened unknownling after a large major light flask occured around the area, Zorchoff, will be entering to see what is there, and to study and possibly survive..
To be continued...
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wapple8
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| Joined: 19 Dec 2008 |
| Total Posts: 824 |
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| 23 Sep 2011 10:03 PM |
| Eh... It could use a bit more background. But besides that, I think it's pretty good. |
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Modulo
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| Joined: 13 Jan 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1034 |
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| 23 Sep 2011 10:05 PM |
| (It is a very good story, just too short. Make it longer, please.) |
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| 23 Sep 2011 10:07 PM |
Writing part 2 now...
Story will come along as it goes... |
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| 24 Sep 2011 12:18 AM |
Part 2...
I cross over, as I went through, it felt as if my body was being teared apart, every limb, every muscle, my head was throbbing, sore body parts, and I blacked out. I awoke upon a green rock, I looked up at the sky, it seemed to be night, but I wouldn’t know, I cleared my eyes and saw a new land, green ooze filled small crated, green trees with large spikes covered the area, red grass filled the ground. I set up and pick myself up off the ground, I wipe a milyk brown substance off my suit, to test for oxygen, I intently remove the helmet, After I removed the helmet my lungs sent a long surging pain through, I felt them writher up, go dry, then I exhaled and was able to breath whatever it was, I take a step off the rock I landed on and walks around, The trees were as soft as silk, and the grass was like cotton. I looked wonderously, feeling the soft textures of the plants and trees, but in the vision of my eyesight, a black shadow lurked, stalking its prey… |
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| 24 Sep 2011 12:32 AM |
| The creature walked up front, what had looked small was actually large, an 8foot Gorilla/Lizard hybrid, the fur was replacd with scaled, the chest area was replaced with tentacles, the mouth had 2 large teeth jutting out, like a sabertooth, I run from it, the creature chases me tearing down the trees 1 by 1, as he closes in on me, he screeches loudly then falls to his side, 3 large crystals were lodged in his back, behind him were 2 humanoid creatures in large green (halo-Style (Sparta)) Armor, "Klitz Ju Khge?" The first one says "I Speak english" I say scaredly, the man and the other remove there mask revealing human faces "Welcome Brotherren, to the Parthosphere!" they say, they pick me up and told me to follow them to there colony, I hope its safe.... |
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Brelia
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| Joined: 19 May 2010 |
| Total Posts: 38 |
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| 24 Sep 2011 01:54 AM |
| Yeah, it is good, just missing one thing, but can't figure it out, keep on typing. |
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| 24 Sep 2011 02:21 AM |
| They finally get to the fortress, like a castle, except metal, and has glowing red stripes in carvings of eagles and lions, the man goes up and presses a button "Cod 45 Sold. Contrey, open" he said into what I guess was an intercom, the great doors slid downwards and we walked inside, I could see lots! Heavy tanks floating on air with 2 cannons, heavily armored jeeps, Stealth planes, the works of what modern man wants as weaponry.. |
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| 24 Sep 2011 02:25 AM |
"Amazing" Zorchoff says gazing at everything, "What is that?" the man points to the cell pack on the back of my radiation suit, "A Cell Pack" i say "A what?" he replies, "A cellpack transfers energy and converts gaseous air into clean oxygen for us to breath." I answer him "hmm.." he says taking it away from me and unplugging it, I growl and stand there..
"Let's go meet the leader of this Op." he says and hand signs to follow...
We go to what looked like a chapel, but with the design of the fotress, he presses the enter com and says the same words, and the door slides down, in the room was golden weapons, armor, guns, and a silver floor, shandeliers hanged above, "Master G" he man says and bows "We have brought a visitor, from another world, Im guessing.." He grabs me and moves me toward him...
To be continued... |
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Brelia
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| Joined: 19 May 2010 |
| Total Posts: 38 |
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| 24 Sep 2011 02:36 AM |
| those last two paragraphs have got better, i'm liking it, keep it going. |
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