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Re: First Attempt at a Creepypasta

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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 06:56 PM
Well I've been playing ROBLOX for a long time, since early '08, and I've been to some creepy places that have been on the front page, and they were supposed to be directly creepy, like based off a zombie game or something like that, but recently I had an encounter that changed my perspective of ROBLOX.

As all of you know about that new Happy Home that ROBLOX came up with about like 1 to 2 months ago? Well one day I was scrolling through places and noticed the new Happy Home with a user by the name of 'friend1025682',
at the time I didn't know that the admins updated Happy Home, so I decided to check the place out. When I entered the place it was like when you entered the previous HHIR game, you spawned in front of the house, and then I saw the big yellow house in front of me, there were castle like parts next to the house, one of them the garage.

I went into the house and I saw the fireplace, kitchen, and other stuff. So I was snooping around the place when 4 minutes after entering the Home, my computer screen goes black, it keeps being black for 10 seconds when the profile pic of friend1025682 comes up, instead of the normal happy default face you see, he had a more, should I say devilish grin, his eyes were red and he had blood on his torso, then text at the bottom of the screen pops up saying "I want to be your friend".

The screen goes back to the game, but now it's a darker lighting, eerie music playing in the distant background, which is unusual because you don't hear music in ROBLOX games too often. Anyway, I noticed that the door was locked, and my gear was gone, I went to the garage and tried to ram the walls down with a car, but the walls were anchored this time. After that, my screen went black again, and the profile pic appeared again, but this time his grin was bigger, his torso and left arm were all red now, then a new text appears saying "Why do you want to leave?" I tried to click out of the game, but the buttons were grey and locked, so I was trapped..

This time the lighting was darker and the music was louder, and there was blood on the walls, in the fireplace there was what looked like a part of an arm of a Roblox Character, I looked at it then from out of nowhere, the other arm falls onto it, then the left leg, then the right leg, and finally the head, then the screen went black AGAIN, and his grin was bigger, his torso, and arms, and his head were all blood red, then the text said "We'll be best friends FOREVER", and the forever was bolded and underlined in red.

When the screen went back, I wasn't in the house, I was in a room with dark black walls. My character was in a chair, when I tried to jump out of it, some of my Health on the Health bar went down, then friend popped into the room, this time he was all red, his grin was wide and huge, and a deep voice from somewhere said "BEST FRIENDS FOREVVERRR" and friend came closer to me and closer and closer and when he touched me, my computer shut off. I got back on Roblox and when I try to get to friend's profile, it goes to the Error page. In my dreams I keep seeing friend with his smile and red body..
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EveryPony is not online. EveryPony
Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 2362
17 Sep 2011 06:58 PM
Shutdown your computer next time.
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Nick1000824 is not online. Nick1000824
Joined: 11 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 1474
17 Sep 2011 06:59 PM
Well it's not HORRIBLE.
Could be better.


-ODD FUTURE
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 06:59 PM
bleh, first attempt so it might not be creepy and there might be mistakes.
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:00 PM
@nick,

Thanks
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Goomboo is not online. Goomboo
Joined: 13 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 650
17 Sep 2011 07:02 PM
Nobody can compare to the creepyness of the evil Feraligatr.
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:06 PM
bump
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EveryPony is not online. EveryPony
Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 2362
17 Sep 2011 07:07 PM
I thought it was okay, really.
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:09 PM
@Every,

thanks,

being my first attempt and all.
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GreenShaman is not online. GreenShaman
Joined: 06 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 18049
17 Sep 2011 07:11 PM
pretty good, i honestly give you bonus points for it being about roblox, there are very few roblox creepy pastas.
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:13 PM
@Green,

theres nemoy,
bear92,
and the dream.
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qwazola is not online. qwazola
Joined: 23 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 27279
17 Sep 2011 07:15 PM
Pretty nice. And yeah, like Green said, you adme ROBLOx a little creepy, which is hard.
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friedchicken009 is not online. friedchicken009
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 12502
17 Sep 2011 07:15 PM
Nice job.
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:17 PM
Thanks guys
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Herehavesomecash is not online. Herehavesomecash
Joined: 23 May 2009
Total Posts: 3770
17 Sep 2011 07:20 PM
Cool story bro.

Not that creepy, but it was good.

Try not to switch tenses like instead of saying:
"He walks across the room and he looks me in the eyes"
you could say:
"He walked across the room and looked me in the eyes"
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dxhardys12 is not online. dxhardys12
Top 50 Poster
Joined: 08 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 52245
17 Sep 2011 07:23 PM
It was good for a firsttry.

Next you should do one having to do something that could happen in real life.
It would be creepier, and most likely better.
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:23 PM
@Here,

Thanks, I'll take that advice.
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:27 PM
@dx,

I'll try,

but I don't really know what it should be.
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FizzyBloxyCola is not online. FizzyBloxyCola
Joined: 16 Apr 2011
Total Posts: 2156
17 Sep 2011 07:30 PM
That was great! Keep it up!
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:31 PM
i wonder if someone will make friend1025682
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:44 PM
bump
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qwazola is not online. qwazola
Joined: 23 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 27279
17 Sep 2011 07:44 PM
y dun u make moar?
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:45 PM
@qwazola,

i need inspiration,

or something that hasn't had much creepypastas
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qwazola is not online. qwazola
Joined: 23 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 27279
17 Sep 2011 07:52 PM
Ummm. What inspired this one?
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Insensitive is not online. Insensitive
Joined: 17 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 1217
17 Sep 2011 07:59 PM
@qwazola,

the ROBLOX one on bear92
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