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Re: Glasses: A sad story

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IcyBlu is not online. IcyBlu
Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 10333
01 Sep 2011 09:52 AM
PROLOUGE

“I, Emily Marx, have witnessed a suicide.”

I was standing in the Courthouse, squinting at the judge, blinded by the lights.

“You say you actually SAW her die?”

“Yes sir…unfortunately I did.”

There was a cold silence.

“Did you try to stop her?”

I shake my head slowly. “No, I did not…”

The judge looked at me carefully.

“Why not?”

I literally froze on this question. Why DIDN’T I try to stop her? May was always so nice, and quiet. She didn’t deserve being picked on…or death…

Chapter 1 is done, just tell me if you want me to post it. Sorry this short. Usually my prolouges are about this long.
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 09:54 AM
Epix :o

If your accepting character templates,heres mine:

Name: Sam
Job: Defense attorney
Personality: Friendly, Smart,cunning
Gender: Male
Looks: Black hair,Fedora,buissness suit.
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 09:56 AM
Im new to this roleplaying,am I supposed to make a chapter,or let you handle that?
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IcyBlu is not online. IcyBlu
Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 10333
01 Sep 2011 09:57 AM
I will accept character templetes, but this doesn't take place in the courthouse, for the most part, it takes place in a highschool. Change your templete a bit, and i'll get you in on chapter two.
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IcyBlu is not online. IcyBlu
Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 10333
01 Sep 2011 09:57 AM
I make all the chapters.
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 09:59 AM
@post1: Kk
@post2: Ok,thanks for clearing that up

Name: Sam
Job: Studying to become a Defense attorney
Personality: Friendly, Smart,cunning, Love phoenix wright
Gender: Male
Looks: Black hair,Fedora,buissness suit.
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IcyBlu is not online. IcyBlu
Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 10333
01 Sep 2011 09:59 AM

Chapter 1

I watched May Katsa, a sweet, quiet 15 year old, wandered around the halls of Mallon High School. She trembled a bit, considering the way she looked. She had nerd glasses on, her hair was dark brown and fizzy, her eyes were far apart, and the color of grey, her lips were uneven, and small, her nose was pointed with freckles across it. She was wearing a long brown skirt, a white tee, and was covered by a light bleu cardigan; her skin tone was extremely pale. She had a reason to be afraid, other than her looks.

The ‘Poups”, as me and my friends called them, were walking confidently down the halls, giving unworthy teens disgusted looks, and glares. They were all cheerleaders, some better than others. They all had tans, and no bad features. The head cheerleader was worst of all. Her name, was Claire Frey. She was wearing the lavender and white cheerleader outfit, had dark blonde hair, sky-blue eyes, was, and looks that could kill. Literally. She, of course, was dating the head jock, Ty Mason. Enough explaining. Claire looked at May and laughed.

“Are you seriously wearing THAT? My GRANDMOTHER wears that!” Claire said disgustedly. May looked up sacredly at Claire, and then mumbled something. “You say your MOM made you wear that! That’s even WORSE!” Claire and the cheerleaders laughed. May looked like she wanted to cry.
She glanced over at me, and gave me a pleading look. Help me! she seemed to say. I don’t know why I ignored her. I quickly looked away, and looked as if I never heard her speak. I leaned into my locker, like I was taking out books, when really I was trying to listen. “L-Leave me alone!” I heard May say. Claire simply laughed. “Whatever nerdy girl. C’mon girls, let’s go.”

I heard Claire and her group prance away, and May crying, and racing toward the bathrooms nearby. I turn around, and breath a sigh of relief. I think I just saved my life…but I didn’t save May’s…
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 10:02 AM
:o Epic chapter,youve put alot of work into that.

(Oh,and since Im studying to be a defense attorney, Im friendly and I like to help/defend people :P)
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IcyBlu is not online. IcyBlu
Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 10333
01 Sep 2011 10:09 AM
(Any feedback would be great :/)
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
01 Sep 2011 10:12 AM
>Implying that the role-playing community likes to give feedback, when the majority of them spaz out and immediately back click unless it sucks horribly or is longer then a paragraph.

Also, I find this story to be well written. Quite nice. Perhaps I can get some feedback on mine, from you?
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 10:12 AM
Oh,sorry XD

Paragraph 1:
You did a great job of describing her, You can almost picture her in your head.

Paragraph 2:

Pretty much described half my school. :P

Paragraph 3:

You went into great indepth detail about how she was bullied, and how insecure she felt about herself. Kinda makes you sad. :/

Last few sentences: Poor may is all I have to say D:
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IcyBlu is not online. IcyBlu
Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 10333
01 Sep 2011 10:13 AM
So true.

And sure.
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 10:34 AM
ICYBLU

Y U NO UPDATE STORY D:<
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IcyBlu is not online. IcyBlu
Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 10333
01 Sep 2011 10:35 AM
Theres a thing called 'I'M WRITING IT' :/

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IcyBlu is not online. IcyBlu
Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 10333
01 Sep 2011 10:36 AM
Chapter 2

I shook my head. I feel terrible now…My friend, Sam, who was studying to become a defense attorney, walked over. “Hey Emily. What’s wrong?” he asked concernedly. I sigh. “You know May, right?” He nods. “Well, the Poups were making fun of her…and when she needed help, I didn’t come save her.” He looks at me shocked. Naturally because I usually help people. “But why not?” I shake my head sadly. “I don’t know. I got scared for some reason.” He nods. “I’ll be right back!” he takes off running in the direction May went. Probably is going to help her or something…I grabbed my books, and headed to my first class, Science. I took my seat, and noticed something odd. May wasn’t here. She never once missed a class before…I raised my hand, and asked to go to the bathroom. The teacher nodded. I raced out the door. She could be in trouble…That’s when I saw her.

A group of bullies just finished beating her up, and were walking away. She looked awful. Tears streamed down her pale face, she was bruised just about everywhere, and was cut with something that looked sharp. A knife maybe? Blood flowed out of the open wound. But I didn’t move. I was too scared. She saw me, and gave me a pleading look before falling to the ground unconscious. I didn’t realize how long I’d been gone. The teacher startled me by grabbing my shoulder. “Emily!” He said sternly. “Do yo-” That’s when he saw May. He raced over, and picked her up. Crowds of curious students started to form. The teacher turned back at me, still holding May. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He ran away before I could answer him. I stood there, my mouth open wide, and my eyes looking startled.

Sam came over. “I saw May getting beat up…” he whispered. “They cut her with a sharp knife from the cafeteria. They said if I tried to stop them…” he stopped and looked at me. “They would kill May and I…” He finished sadly. I shook my head, coming out of my daze. “They’re terrible people…” He nodded. “C’mon. All we can do now is wait…” I nod, and we head back to Science together, hoping for the best.
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 10:36 AM
Im jk, take your time. :P
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 10:44 AM
Woah,that was epic. If its OK,Heres a idea for chapter 3:

Me and you go and confront the bullies, They threaten to kill us, I get into a heated arguement,jock comes in and knocks me out, you run away to call the cops, (End of paragraph)

May gets beaten up again,and you grab her hand and run her to another part of the school, and hide somewhere,have a girl-to-girl prep talk thing... (Im not a girl,So I dont know what you call that,us boys just call it a prep talk)

Those are my ideas.
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IcyBlu is not online. IcyBlu
Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 10333
01 Sep 2011 10:50 AM
Hm...

I already starting writing chaoter 3 though. Sorry.

But those were good ideas. Try writing a story sometime.
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 10:56 AM
1. Thats ok, I just posted those incase your mind went blank

2. Thanks :D

3.I am right now. :P

My third one, actually. Banland survival 303. Im currently making the first one a movie,and I just started writing 303 today, So sorry if I cant reply immideatly.
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VocaloidHaine is not online. VocaloidHaine
Joined: 20 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 220
01 Sep 2011 10:56 AM
This is epicness. :D
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 10:58 AM
Inorite volacoid?

And volacoid is epix
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drwho101 is not online. drwho101
Joined: 28 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 5681
01 Sep 2011 11:02 AM
This story is making me cry already....
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IcyBlu is not online. IcyBlu
Joined: 20 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 10333
01 Sep 2011 11:07 AM
Your welcome xD
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 11:11 AM
The storys goin pretty epix so far. Just to let you know, I can only give feedback on weekdays.

And when summer vacations over, I can only do it at 6:00AM-7:00AM On weekdays :/
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matoro66 is not online. matoro66
Joined: 06 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6788
01 Sep 2011 11:23 AM
How long does it take to wright these?

(Not rushing, just wanna know when I should check back, take all teh time chu need)
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