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Re: -=[The Banned War]=-

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ZizZazZuz is not online. ZizZazZuz
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 2743
28 Aug 2011 05:00 PM
[Before I begin, I would like to thank Briarguy for the idea. The radar outpost is based on a real place, as are all the named people.]
Chapter 1: Another Boring Day

ZizZazZuz thought he was a fairly good soldier. He fought when need arose, and build for his clan when there were no wars. He obeyed orders, and he gave them. But no one told him when he entered the military that he would be called upon to fight people who weren’t supposed to exist anymore.

ZizZazZuz looked up as the door slid open. A ROBLOXian walked in with a small card in his hand. “Thanks,” said ZizZazZuz. The soldier saluted and left the office.

ZizZazZuz was in a small communications outpost on the edge of nowhere. Communications rarely actually CAME to the outpost, but communications were often bounced off of the outpost to hide where they were coming from.

ZizZazZuz looked down at the card… And nearly fell out of his seat in surprise. The card contained orders for every military base to be on full alert. He wondered why? There were no wars that he knew of going on. Nevertheless, he gave the order. He attempted to return to his work, but he couldn’t focus. Being ADD has its advantages, but being able to do paperwork is not one of them. He decided to walk to the radar room.

When ZizZazZuz entered the radar room, he saw more activity than he had ever seen in there before. “What’s going on?” He demanded. One of his Lieutenants, an Omniguard by the name of Drize, answered: “We have anomalous contacts on radar, moving fast. “What!?” ZizZazZuz replied, shocked. “How many?” “Too many”, Drize replied. “Activate any automated defenses you can, then get suited up.” Ziz ordered. “How many were in our garrison?” Drize consulted a display. “Thirty,” he replied. Ziz sighed. He knew a hopeless fight when he saw one. He gazed at the hologram of the planet, surrounded by scores of red dots closing in on Solviv. “Prepare an evac for the base,” He said to Drize. “We’ll hold them off as long as we can.”

-----15 minutes earlier, at the Aceberus Industries headquarters-----

MasterDesigner walked as quickly as he could to the radar tower. “What’s going on?” he demanded. The recruit just pointed. Master looked over at the holo of the planet and staggered into a nearby chair. The Headquarters was surrounded by hundreds of red dots, all representing an invading transport. When he found his voice again, he said: “Full alert, now! Send a message to all bases to be on full alert. Empty the garrison! Activate the anti-aircraft, and prepare the evacuation shuttles for the staff.” “Yes sir!” The radar station leapt into action. After a moment, MasterDesigner went to prepare for war.

[End of chapter one]
{Tell me what you think. This is my first shot at anything like this.}
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ZizZazZuz is not online. ZizZazZuz
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 2743
28 Aug 2011 05:06 PM
Anyone?
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ZizZazZuz is not online. ZizZazZuz
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 2743
28 Aug 2011 05:15 PM
... No opinions? Anyone?
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Exil is not online. Exil
Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 1646
28 Aug 2011 05:21 PM
I would like it if you had more creativity, this seems off of a TV show and Robloxian names are not names you would want in a story.
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ZizZazZuz is not online. ZizZazZuz
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 2743
28 Aug 2011 05:24 PM
OK... But I'm going to keep the ROBLOXian names. This is ROBLOX. I use their names.
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Exil is not online. Exil
Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 1646
29 Aug 2011 05:54 PM
I am asking permission to take this, replace some names, mess with the dialog, and add more chapters and give you almost full credit.
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ZizZazZuz is not online. ZizZazZuz
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 2743
30 Aug 2011 09:44 AM
Hmm... How 'bout me make our own little world? This was never really mine, it's briarguy's world. As long as no one does anything to mess with anyone else's world without permission, I'd let anyone use it.
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Exil is not online. Exil
Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 1646
30 Aug 2011 04:17 PM
Wll as I continue this it will be more towards my world, I just think there should be a better dialog choice and names.
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bluetiger6001 is not online. bluetiger6001
Joined: 28 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 1099
30 Aug 2011 04:24 PM
Name: Bob
Special powers: Lasor eyes
Special Weapons: Lasor guns
Speacialness: Is cooler than chu.
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Exil is not online. Exil
Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 1646
30 Aug 2011 04:25 PM
Ok, I get it, stories aren't appealing to trolls blue.
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bluetiger6001 is not online. bluetiger6001
Joined: 28 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 1099
30 Aug 2011 04:26 PM
Hey, citizen. I'm not a troll, I'm super bob *Lazors with lazor eyes and lazor guns*

That'll show you! I am still cooler than chu *Heroicly flies away*
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bluetiger6001 is not online. bluetiger6001
Joined: 28 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 1099
30 Aug 2011 04:31 PM
Also, the story was really good. But where's the ending. I DEMAND ENDING... Not just

"Hello, I'm bob and I-" END
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ett27 is not online. ett27
Joined: 30 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 506
30 Aug 2011 04:38 PM
I think this isn't an open roleplay.
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ZizZazZuz is not online. ZizZazZuz
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 2743
01 Sep 2011 09:04 AM
There's no ending 'cause it aint done.
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MasterDesigner is not online. MasterDesigner
Joined: 07 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 3915
01 Feb 2012 12:26 AM
This artifact of a thread still makes my day. c:
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CapRex213 is not online. CapRex213
Joined: 14 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15981
01 Feb 2012 05:24 AM
I love how this is like, necrothread or something.
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ZizZazZuz is not online. ZizZazZuz
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 2743
01 Feb 2012 07:03 AM
Wow. How insanely far back in the threads did you have to go?
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mikeyman10ash is not online. mikeyman10ash
Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 30299
01 Feb 2012 07:24 AM
Ohai ziz! I didn't know you wrote stories on the RP forum... I have one too. =D
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ZizZazZuz is not online. ZizZazZuz
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 2743
01 Feb 2012 09:03 AM
I only wrote one.
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