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Re: Demigod Story
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| 22 Apr 2011 11:12 AM |
| im going to start writing soon.....i need to do some stuff first. |
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| 22 Apr 2011 11:51 AM |
Alright. I don't have all the characters ready yet, but I might as well go ahead and start. BTW, some characters are just thought up in my head, their not any players.
Chapter 1: I Burn Down a Middle School
"Hey, Jackie boy!" Craig Buford called. "Why don't ya go cry to your daddy! Wait a minute! OH MY GOD! I'm soooo sorry. I forgot. YOU DON'T HAVE ONE!" Craig and all his ugly friends snickered, dumb smiles on their faces. I just about had enough of it. So what if I didn't have a dad? Oh yeah, I guess I'd better tell you that story. See, I've lived with my mom, Emily Wright, for my whole life. I never knew my dad, but my mom said he was the strongest man she'd ever seen. Apparently not strong enough, though, because my dad was killed while in a fight. At least, that's what my mom told me. Craig was still shouting comments about my father. I clenched my fists and walked over to him. His smile faded. He looked a little scared, and he should be. I was the toughest kid in the 7th grade. I pulled back my fist, as if I was about to punch him. And just at that moment I heard an angry voice, "Jackson Wright! You come over here this instant!" Mrs. Cranhirf, the English teacher. "Aww crud." I muttered to myself. I walked over to the crabby old lady. "Jackson! Were you just about to hit poor Craig?" "Yes, Ma'am. I was." "Hmph. Go see Mr. Hawkins right now!" "Yes, Ma'am." I said. I trudged down to the principal's office. Here at Campton Middle, things run differently. There's only one rule, don't fight. And there's nothing I like more than fighting. The thrill of breaking someone's nose is amazing. I walked into Mr. Hawkins's office. He was reading a book beside his fireplace. He lowered the book. "Yes, Jackson?" he said. "I...I got in trouble sir...for fighting." "Hmm.... Jackson, would you mind moving the logs in the fireplace for me, please?" I was getting off easy, I guessed. "No problem." I took the rod used for moving the firewood. I pushed a firelog, but then it tumbled out of the fireplace!
CHAPTER WILL BE CONTINUED |
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| 22 Apr 2011 12:30 PM |
Chapter 1: I Burn Down a Middle School (continued)
"Mr. Hawkins!!" I shouted. "MR. HAWKINS!!!!!!" He finally looked over and saw his carpet catching on fire. "What have you done now, Jackson?!?!?!" he screamed. He rushed over, trying to stamp out the flames. He couldn't. "Sir! We have to get outta here!" I yelled. The roar of the flames was growing louder. Mr. Hawkins either couldn't hear me, or didn't want to hear me. I grabbed his shirt sleeve and tugged him out. I hit the fire emergency button. An alarm rang out through the school. All the classes emptied out. I saw two of my friends, Drew and Zack. They rushed out of the building. "Mr. Hawkins! We need to go!" Mr. Hawkins looked dazed. I shoved him out the door. By now, the fire was spread all over the school. Smoke billowed from the principal's office. Then, a wooden beam fell from the ceiling, headed straight for me. I felt a hard smack against my head, saw red dots appear in my eyes. I toppled over. My world went black. ___________________________________________________________________________
I awoke in a dazzling white room. At first, I thought I was in Heaven. Then I saw doctors running around the hospital, shouting to each other, pointing to kids lying on white beds. Some kids looked burnt, others looked like they had the same fate as me, a beam whack in the head. I looked over to the right and saw my mother. She had tear-stained eyes. I looked to my left, and saw a doctor writing on a clipboard. The doctor saw me. He walked over to the hospital bed I was on. "How you feelin', bud?" he asked me. "Like I just got hit on the head with a 10 foot wooden beam." I said. The doctor chuckled. "Well, you'll have to stay here a couple days, bud." And a couple days later, I was back on my feet again. My mom drove me past the school. It was completely destroyed. And beside the ruins of the school, there was a man dressed all in black. He seemed to be staring right at me. I rubbed my eyes, not sure I was seeing right. When I opened them, he was gone. |
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| 22 Apr 2011 01:20 PM |
Chapter 2: The Camp
I told my mom about the man in black later that night. When I talked about it, her face turned pale, and she looked frightened. "Is everything OK, Mom?" I asked. "Uhh.....err.....umm......ye..yes everything's OK..." she stammered. "Why don't you go ahead to bed now?" she said. "Uh, OK, Mom." I said. The next morning, I got up and went straight to my mom. She had seemed nervous last night and I wanted to know why. "Jackson, we're going to New York." "When?" I asked, stunned by the sudden announcement. "Right now. Get in the car." "Um, OK." I climbed into our Ford Truck. My mom liked trucks. We drove away from our city of Boston and headed towards New York. 2 hours later, we were there. "I'm taking you to a place called Camp Half-Blood." my mom said. "But...why mom? Why do we have to-" my sentence was cut off by a loud roar, close behind us. "AAHHH!" my mom shrieked in terror. She sped ahead, towards a hill. The hill was about a mile away, though! We'd never make it! "WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?!?!?!" I screamed. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw a horrible creature. 10 feet tall, strong, fast, and with only one eye, right in the middle of his head!!! He was right behind us, his hands outstretched for our car. He was getting closer! "Mom!" I yelled. "Jackson! Jump out! Now! Jump out now!" I stared at her. Then I opened the car door and leaped out. I heard a deafening BOOM! I turned around. "NNNOOOOO!!!!!" I shrieked. The truck exploded into hundreds of pieces. "Run!" a familiar voice said. I spun around. There was Drew and Zack! We all bolted towards the hill. We finally made it. We ran past a large pine tree. I glanced back. The giant with only one eye barreled towards us! Then, as if there was a brick wall, he stopped, rubbed his forehead, and ran away. We all turned and saw the wierdest place ever. There was people with goat legs! There were kids climbing up a mountain while lava spewed down past them! There were people sparring with swords! A horse galloped over to us. Wait a minute......not a horse.....the bottom half was a horse, but the top was a middle aged man! "I am Chiron, activities director of Camp Half-Blood." he said. We all stared. Then I wondered, how did Drew and Zack get here? I asked them. "We hid in the back of your car.....we were afraid....." It didn't make sense, but neither did this strange camp. Chiron effortlessly lifted us onto his back and trotted to a row of cabins. He pointed to one of them. "You three stay in that bunk until you are determined." he said. Determined? What did that mean? All I knew was that I was determined to go find out what happened to my mother. But to Chiron I said, "Yes sir." What is this place? I wondered. But I saw a bunk bed, and as soon as I hit the pillow, I was asleep. |
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| 22 Apr 2011 01:27 PM |
Awesome story dude.
BTW, I think you should stop stealing other peaples names. >: |
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| 22 Apr 2011 03:35 PM |
| uh im NOT stealing other pplz names. Zack and Drew are zyperman and netrixor. they WANTED to be called that, i didnt steal their names. thx though. im gonna keep writing. |
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| 22 Apr 2011 04:55 PM |
| Really good! I cant wait for my character to be in this! |
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| 22 Apr 2011 06:18 PM |
| @jack, I mean my name. Anyways it was just a joke @_@ But still, 2 characers have mah name. |
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| 22 Apr 2011 09:25 PM |
Chapter 3: We Get Claimed
The next morning, Zack, Drew and I went to the breakfast table. My nose filled with the aura of bacon and pancakes. We sat next to Finnick, a kid we met yesterday. Zack looked behind us at the Apollo table. One guy at the Apollo table put his wallet into his pocket. Zack reached over and expertly pulled it from his pocket. Suddenly a caduceus appeared above Zack's head! "Well, well." the camp director, Dionysus, said. He yawned. "It seems that we have another child of the Thief God. I suppose I must claim my child as well." Another symbol appeared above Drew's head this time, but I was too late to see it. It didn't take a detective to find out who Drew's dad was. He walked over and sat down with the other Dionysus kids, who greeted him warmly. I felt....jealous. No. Not jealous. I felt mad. Mad at my dad for not claiming me. Didn't he care for his children? I stood up. Some people turned to look at me, but most resumed eating. I walked over to some kid sitting at the Zeus table. I picked him up like a ragdoll and shoved him away. Anger swelled up inside me. I felt like punching someone. Like shoving someone's head into my knee. I felt like...... I don't know what happened next. One second I was angry, the next second there was a Zeus kid getting his head shoved through a table. The kid, who's name was Krandin, was about my age. He swung at my face. I grabbed his fist and twisted it. He yelped in pain. Dionysus and Chiron continued talking to each other. The Ares kids watched with delight, as if they all wanted to go and beat up some Zeus kid, too. I slammed him in the face. He stumbled back, holding his bloody nose. I was about to knock this guy out, when a strong hand grabbed me from behind. "Don't mess with the children of the Big Three, kid." I recognized the voice as Nick Anderson, a child of Hades. Nick was older than me by two years. He had been at this camp ever since he felt his uncle's death. He was stronger than me, I knew it. But that didn't mean I had to like it. "Hey, kid, look up." he said to me. I looked up and saw a spear, a burning torch, dogs, and vultures swirling above me. It took me a second to realize that this was the symbol of Ares! I was a child of Ares! I didn't know what to do. I walked over to the Ares table and sat next to some guy named Rage. "So. Your our new brother, huh?" Rage said. Rage was tough, no doubt about it, but he had a kindness to him also. He was cool. That night, I went with the rest of the Ares Cabin to the campfire. I still had cuts and knicks all over me from that day's training. I sat next to Rage. All the kids were singing some campfire songs so we joined in too. Of course, me and Rage were purposely singing off key to get some laughs. We did. Then Chiron came over. "As you all know, tomorrow will be Capture The Flag night!" A roar of cheering exploded from the campers. Especially us Ares kids. Once the kids calmed down, Chiron continued, "We have some different leaders of the teams this time! For the Zeus Cabin, Krandin will lead! For the Hades Cabin, Nick will lead! For the Hermes Cabin, Finnick will lead! For the Aphrodite Cabin, Vanessa will lead!" Rage winked at Vanessa. I snickered at him. Chiron continued until all the bunks had their leaders. "Now, we're going to play different this time! Every cabin for themselves! If your flag is captured by another team, you must assist that team until all the flags are captured! The cabin with the most flags will have no duties for the rest of the month!" That drew another roar of cheering from the campers. Later, after s'mores, we went to our cabins. I walked to the Ares Cabin. To any other kid, the place would've been a dump. But to me, it was home sweet home. I felt a warm feeling inside. "Home." I said to myself. |
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Bloxette
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| Joined: 15 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 8243 |
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| 22 Apr 2011 09:50 PM |
Ooc; If you are going to make a Camp-Half blood story, that is fine. And this one seemed ok. (Minus the fact your characters first name matches the last name of the main character from the original series... Which seems to be kinda weird. I'm not saying it was intentional. ((Though I'm not saying it was UNintentional ether :-/)) I'm just saying though.)
However, Chapter three upset me honestly. If you are going to make a Fanfiction of the Percy-Jackson series, please PLEASE stick to canon. There is just about nobody in any of the 'Big Three' houses. And your character should not be able to fling somebody 'like a ragdoll.' That is just unrealistic, and overpowered.
It's well written, which is rare for Percy-Jackson... Anythings on this forum. However, my main complaints are that you seem to be borrowing some things from other stories (Not gonna point them all out, no point in that, it will start argument.), and the looseness to the original canon of the series. Along with your character being unrealisticly strong, and Chiron and Dionysus flat out ignoring a huge fight, I think the realism in this thread is running a tad low. (By realism, I of course mean realism for the Fandom of which this Fiction is set.) |
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| 23 Apr 2011 03:01 AM |
| I found this chapter very good. I cannot wait to hear more about Vanessa. Lol. |
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| 23 Apr 2011 11:12 AM |
| Bloxette, in my story, there are kids in the Big Three Cabins because this is not around Percy Jackson's time. This is after that. Also, Jackson Wright was thought up in my head like this, my guy's name is Jack. Last name, Wright. Jack Wright didn't seem long enough, so I just said Jackson Wright, and it was only afterwards that I realized the connection in Percy and his names. Also, things that happened in the story were NOT copied and some of the things that happened were modified to fit my story, but still wasn't COPYING. In fact, maybe your just jealous? Please, if you don't like it, find something else to read. Thank you for your time. |
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| 23 Apr 2011 12:27 PM |
Chapter 4: Capture the Flag
The next day me and Rage practiced like CRAZY. "We're children of Ares," he said. "so let's not make our big poppa disappointed." We got in a sparring match against some Apollo kids, and we whupped them. Next, we started practicing our defense and offense skills. Rage, me, and some others were to be on offense, the rest of our cabin were on defense. We practiced like this: The attackers charged the rock that our defenders stood on. The defenders used arrows with blunt ends to try and bring us down. Once we were close, they would use their swords to bring us down. All in all, we had a pretty good team. Finally, night came. The teams all got their weapons and armor ready. I chose a longsword and a spear, with a bronze shield. We all went to our flags. After Chiron repeated the rules, he blew a conch shell that was the symbol to start. Rage and I charged straight over to the Hermes Cabin. Zack and Finnick were both on defense. I charged Zack with my spear. He was taken by surprise, but had just enough time to raise his shield. I dropped my spear and swung out my longsword. I battered his shield while Rage tried to get past Finnick to the Hermes flag. My practice payed off. I swung my sword down at his head, and he raised his shield, leaving his body exposed. I slammed my fist into his gut. He fell to the ground, gasping for breath. Finnick saw me running to the flag, but he was too busy with Rage. He whistled to the two guards on the other side. They rushed over and saw me. I jabbed one in the shoulder with my spear. The other one wasn't as good with a shield as Zack, and got slammed in the face by the hilt of my blade. I grabbed the Hermes flag and started sprinting to the Ares side. I saw some of our guards on the ground. Then I saw Vanessa and some other Aphrodite kids grab our flag! I rushed over and swung my blade. It caught Vanessa in the stomach, and she doubled over. The other Aphrodite kids saw there leader down, and ran away. I placed both the Ares flag and Hermes flag down on our rock. Finnick and another kid were assigned to defend. Zack came with Rage and I. We took the Aphrodite flag easily. Vanessa was their best fighter, and she was wounded. The other Aphrodite kids were easy to beat. Then I saw that the Hades Cabin had taken Apollo, Zeus, Poseiden, Hera, and Dionysus flags! Ares Cabin soon took more flags. It came down to Ares, Hermes, Aphrodite, Hepheastus, Demeter, and Athena against Hades, Zeus, Poseiden, Hera, Apollo, and Dionysus. The two teams went to either side of the forest. We assigned Aphrodite, Demeter, and Athena kids on defense. Ares, Hermes, and Hepheastus kids went to the middle of the forest at the boundary line. The Big Three Cabins were on offense for the other team. The two teams offensive fighters met at the boundary line. I got whacked in the head by a Zeus kid with a hammer. I fell to the ground. I looked up at the Zeus kid, and sure enough, it was Krandin. I sprung up from the ground and knocked his helmet off. He took a swing at my head again, but I dodged. I jabbed him square in the chest with the point of my sword. He fell over clutching his chest. I got a bad cut on my right arm as I charged past a Hades kid. I was through! I started to run over to their flag, then stopped. There was THREE WHOLE CABINS protecting their flag. How would I get past them? Rage, Finnick, and Zack broke through the line. We made a quick plan. Zack and I would go on the left side, Rage and Finnick on the right. We split up. Zack followed close behind me. "Hey, Zack?" I whispered. "No hard feelings?" "Nah, man." he said. "I understand." We hid behind a bush, waiting for Rage's symbol to rush them. Rage whistled. Zack and I burst from the bushed and attacked. I saw Drew struggling with Zack. I plowed into him and knocked him to the ground. Rage almost got the flag, but an Apollo kid kicked him in the face. Zack caused a distraction, and I grabbed the flag! I started sprinting away, while Rage and Finnick tried to hold the others off. Zack had gotten whacked by an angry Hera girl, and he was knocked out. I ran past the boundary line. I was almost there! Then I saw Nick Anderson grab our flag. I charged at him with his flag in my hand. I caught him by suprise and knocked him over. Then, I placed his flag next to ours. Victory! We had beaten them! Chiron's conch horn sounded. "The battle is over!" he shouted so everyone could hear him. "The Ares Cabin has won!" He handed out laurel wreaths to all the Ares kids. I felt good, having just won against all odds. I hung out with some of my friends afterwards. Drew, Zack, Vanessa, Finnick, and Rage all congratulated me. I fell asleep soundly, completely unaware of the horrors I would soon encounter. |
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| 23 Apr 2011 12:31 PM |
| You sure type alot huh. I'm doing this from my iPod while I watch spongebob I can't believe roblox let's iPods acces this it's epic oh well but dude your chapters are very good you make me believe this is an actual novel, keep up the good work |
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| 23 Apr 2011 02:57 PM |
| Awesome, but you need to work on being more discriptive. |
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| 23 Apr 2011 04:11 PM |
| I know Chapter 4 wasn't very descriptive, but I only had a small amount of time to write it, and so I didn't have time to put as many details as I would've liked to. I am probably not going to be able to continue my book until Monday. :( Today we are going to a special event and tomorrow we have Easter Sunday so yeah.... I hope you guys are enjoying it so far! |
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| 23 Apr 2011 05:28 PM |
| You swung a blade at Vanessa and it got her in the stomach and she did not die? Oh well. Good chapter! |
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| 23 Apr 2011 08:43 PM |
| Not every organ you stab witha sword makes you die, idiot. |
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netrixor
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| Joined: 06 Jan 2010 |
| Total Posts: 10 |
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| 23 Apr 2011 10:08 PM |
| Koopa Im VERY sure she can easily Pwn't you. |
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| 23 Apr 2011 10:16 PM |
| Yes I know but if I were defending something and I stabbed you in the stomach(which I would.)I would most likely stab deep even if it was accidental because it would just be automatic. I am no idiot I was just thinking logically. I dont care though. Like I said, great chapter. |
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| 24 Apr 2011 11:30 AM |
| It still wouldn't kill someone, idiot. You bleed out. |
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JimmyClue
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| Joined: 14 Jan 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2672 |
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| 24 Apr 2011 12:44 PM |
| Koopa, stop calling her a idiot. Jerk. |
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River777
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| Joined: 05 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 14638 |
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| 24 Apr 2011 12:49 PM |
| You're all idiots if you ask me. You're arguing over a little fan fiction. |
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netrixor
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| Joined: 06 Jan 2010 |
| Total Posts: 10 |
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| 24 Apr 2011 03:09 PM |
| River why did you even POST if you came just to call us idiots... |
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