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Re: Sorry this chapter took so long!
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:14 PM |
| Hi. Writing another book that I'm doing all myself. I'll post chapters here so you can read them and tell me what you think ;) This book is from a girl named May's point of veiw. so go ahead and read. Hope you like it! |
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:15 PM |
Introduction
Ok, seems like were just heading right into our story. So I’m gonna tell you about this, since you were probably just looking through these pages thinking it would be a good read. I’m just going to give it to you strait. My name is May. I‘ve always had a dream of flying in the sky, but my friends always say that it‘s impossible like I didn’t already know it. My friends Alexander (Alex), Julia, Jason, and I are all 16. We’re sort of like normal teens. Or so we thought. Wondering what I mean? Just keep reading. You’ll find out. If you ask me, we’re pretty awesome. But anyone would say that about themselves, right? Right. So, lets get to the story.
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:16 PM |
Chapter 1
I looked at my watch. I was waiting for my friends, Alex, Julia, and Jason. We were supposed to head to the movies but I guess there a little late. Just then my cell phone went off.
You can count on me, like I count on you, If were there for each other, we will always fall through, In our moment of darkness, when the light is gone, We still give each other strength, to carry on, United hand in hand, Divided we fall, but together we stand.
It was Alex‘s ring, a text. “Sorry, May. My mom just dumped all my school work on the ground, not to mention my DESK. I have to stay home to fix it, sorry. Maybe next Saturday?” I sighed. Totally like him. Just then my cell went off again.
Shine! come on and let it shine! Lift me up make me feel alive! You’ve got what it takes! Shine on me! Shine! And only you know how, To lift my spirit off the ground! And chase those clouds away… Shine on me today.
This time Jason’s ring, yet another text. “Hey, May. Sorry, can’t make it to movies today. Gotta drive my little sis to the mall, wave pool, and home again. I got a text from Alex too. So next Saturday’s on?” I shook my head. Well, I guess it’ll just be me and Julia then. At least we can choose what movie to go to now, and not have to have the boys nagging on us to choose one with zombies in it. We decided to go to “Firehouse Dog”, and I guess we’ll probably stick with it. I looked at my soaking wet hair. It was down pouring right now. Just as I thought maybe I should see if I could call Julia, when my cell phone went off AGAIN.
Maybe I, maybe I don’t need to dream, Baby I, baby I just need to be, Flying up to top, whoa whoa, whoa whoa! Maybe I, maybe I just need to be, Who I wanted to be, oh finally… But maybe I shouldn’t let dreaming be in my way.
Julia’s special cell ring. It was a text, and it just seams like everyone texts these days. “Hey May, sorry I’m late, but I don’t think I can make it. My brother pushed me into the laundry room and locked the door, so I’m stuck in here. You know, the room with the backwards door knob? Yea. That one. Sorry! But I think we’re on for next Saturday. Sorry again!” Great. I’m alone outside of the movie theatre, in the stupid pouring rain, at 3:00pm. Guess I’ll head home, since I have nothing better to do. Just then the rain got harder, if that was even possible. I wanted to kick something so bad, but I didn’t want to break anything, so I didn’t. Right then I bit my lip. I heard something behind me. I turned around shaking, but not because I was scared. I was shaking cause I was soaked to the bone, and I was freezing cold. I did a quick scan, but I saw nothing. Must have been all in my head. thoughts started to come in one after another after that one. But there was one thought that made me stop in mid-step. I’ve been here before. I’ve seen this somewhere before. I was getting a bit freaked out then. I turned around and started walking again, but I heard someone behind me. I turned around ready to defend myself, but when I looked, I was the only one on the street. I noticed there was no sounds other then the rain pelting down and my heavy breathing. I turned around and started walking. I heard it again, but I just broke into a run, with only one look over my shoulder. Then I knew I was right. I’ve been here before. I’ve seen this somewhere before.
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:17 PM |
Chapter 2
I don’t remember ever stopping for a break until now. I was breathing heavily, feeling like I was about to explode, and yet I was about to continue running. But right when I was about to take a step, my conference call ring went off.
Don’t let nobody tell you, your life is over! Be every color that you are! Into the rush now, you don’t have to know how, Know it all before you try…
I answered it. “Hey May!” I heard Alex, Jason, and Julia say. “We tried calling you, but you wouldn’t pick up!” said Julia. “I know, sorry.” I said. “I was running home through the pouring rain and I didn’t hear my phone till now.” “Well, that’s alright.” Jason said. “We were just wondering if we could do the movies on Sunday and head to the wave pool on Saturday.” “Fine with me!” I said. “I haven’t been to the wave pool since, like, last month!” “Okay,” said Alex. “So its good with May, good with everyone else?” “Yup!” said Jason and Julia at the same time. I smiled. “I’ll talk to you guys later, okay? I have to run. See you guys later!” “Bye!” They all said at the same time. I sighed. Time to start running. Again.
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:18 PM |
(Ty. I've worked hard.)
Chapter 3
By the time I got home I was all out of breath. It was also 4:55pm. That was the longest time period I had ever ran in. My parents weren’t home so I went and changed my clothes, without them criticizing me that I should of worn a jacket. It was completely sunny when I left, not a cloud in the sky. But I guess somehow the clouds blew in pretty fast. I decided to do a sketch. One of my boring sketches. By the time I was done it was 8:00pm. I guess my parents are late, like everyone else in the world. I went downstairs to grab a snack, and went back up to my room to finish my sketch. All I needed was a super sharp pencil. Nothing a sharpener can’t fix. I grabbed the sharpener and noticed there was a note underneath it. it said:
May, We might not make it home before midnight, okay? Sorry, we might run late, the doctors office could be really full. We will try to be home by 3:00am. Mom & Dad
I sharpened my pencil. Sometimes I wonder if they just run off to the lake for some vacation time. I finished my sketch with a star and a sun, a moon and a cloud, and signed my name. I would of gone to sleep in my bed if I hadn’t fallen asleep right then. And you won’t believe what happened next.
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:18 PM |
Chapter 4
I looked around. I see clouds… am- am I flying??? I looked down. I saw the ground millions of feat down. I started to laugh. “I’m flying!!!” I said. I was swooping around the sky, diving down then pulling sharply up. This is awesome! Suddenly, something grabbed me, and threw me towards the ground. I started screaming. I couldn’t fly anymore, and I was dropping like rain. Rain. I looked down, and saw that there was a big pond made by rain water. If only I can aim for that… but I started to drop faster. I braced myself for land, and right when I was one metre above ground, two people grabbed me by the arms. I looked at there faces- Jason. And Alex. They looked worried, and so did Julia, who was now in front of me. I closed my eyes while we landed. When I opened my eyes, I was right back at my desk with my pencil. It was all a dream. I felt like something special was just taken away from me. “I can’t believe it.” I said angrily. “I was flying, and it was all a dream. All a stupid dream.” “But maybe its not.” said a different voice- a voice I’ve only ever heard once before in my entire life until now.
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:19 PM |
Chapter 5
“Huh?!?!” I said, alarmed. I stood up and looked all around my room but saw nothing. “Who’s there?!” I yelled, feeling confident that who ever it was, if I needed to escape, I could run faster then them. “You don’t remember me?” Said the voice. I was almost certain, I knew I’ve heard it before. I knew it… I remember that voice as if I heard it just yesterday… or in a dream… a dream. “I don’t know who you are, but why don’t you come out of hiding?!” I said, knowing that this was a dream, this was all a dream. “You don’t remember me?” Said the voice again. “You honestly don’t remember? Well, if you really can’t remember, I’m Haley, your special guardian spirit.” “Haley… I-I think I remember… my guardian spirit? What’s that? And where are you?” “Right in front of the closet.” Haley said. I looked in front of my closet, and noticed her start to fade in to view, her blue dress, blonde hair and all. “Your dream might not just be a dream after all, May.” Haley said. “In fact, you have the life many dream of having, making it a dream.” “What are you talking about?” I asked. “I ‘have the life many people dream of’? Why would people want my life?” “Someday you will find out. Now your friends will be waiting for you at the door in about ten minutes. Trust me, May.” She said. “Now quickly, have something to eat, and get ready for Julia, Jason, and Alex to come. I’ll see you later.” “But wait!” I cried, but she already faded away. |
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:19 PM |
Chapter 6
I went downstairs and got a tiny bowl of cereal. Seams like Haley knows about me and the others… hmm… I quickly finished my cereal and put my long orange hair in a bandana, and pulled my blue streaks out from behind my ear. I put on my blue and white tee, my jeans, and my blue sweater, and went to the door. I opened it right before Jason knocked, and laughed. “Right on time!” I laughed. “Haley was right!” “Who’s Haley?” Asked Jason. “Is there something I missed?” “Yup. So did Julia and Alex.” I replied. Jason grinned. “Mind filling me in?” he asked. “Sure, no problem!” I said. “But lets get Alex and Julia first. “Hey guys! How’s it going?” It was Alex, and Julia was with him. “Pretty good. I was just about to tell Jason about something that just happened, but I told him we should wait for you guys.” I told them. “Well, we’re all here, so how about you tell us now?” asked Julia. I grinned. “That’s exactly what I’m gonna do.” I smiled. “Besides, you guys need to know. Its pretty important. You guys wont believe this.”
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RTCity
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| Joined: 29 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1469 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:19 PM |
| I like how this has like one reply. |
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:20 PM |
Chapter 7
It took about half a hour to explain everything to them, but it was worth it. By now we were at Silver Park. “So this spirit, Haley, is your guardian spirit? Is that like a guardian angel or something?” asked Alex. I looked at the pond. “Guess so. But what’s even weirder is that I’ve actually heard her voice before today… it’s hard. Like, I remember her from like, 13 years ago.” I said. I was a little shaken by the fact that I have a guardian spirit, and what she said. It may not be a dream. “You know, it might not be so bad.” Julia chimed in. “Haley could save your life.” “Maybe…” I replied. Suddenly, I saw a movie in my mind, sort of like a vision, and zoned out. “May? Are you okay?” I heard Jason say. I held up my finger- one second- and heard Haley’s voice. Tell your friends to be at your house at 7:50pm. I snapped back to the real world shocked. Did I just actually hear Haley’s voice? “Uh… May?” I heard Jason say. “Huh? Oh, sorry.” I replied. “I just had something like a vision… I heard Haley’s voice telling me to tell you to be at my house at 7:50pm or before.” “So Haley wants to meet us. Well this is gonna be a walk in the park.” Alex said sarcastically. “What are you talking about?” I asked. Sometimes Alex confuses me, like now. “It was easy to see Haley the first time, its gonna be easy to see her the second time too.” “It was easy for you, May, Haley is your guardian spirit. Not ours.” replied Alex. “We might not be able to see her.” “Alex is right,” Said Jason. He’s been pretty quiet the whole time, which is a bit surprising, although it’s not new. “but we might as well try anyways.” “Yea, I would like to see Haley!” Julia said. “It would be awesome to meet a guardian spirit!” “Wait, your not tricking us, are you?” asked Alex. “Of coarse not!” I replied, angrily. “Why would I be fooling around about this?!” “You’re right, sorry May.” Said Alex, apologetically. “So we’ll head to May’s house at 7:50?” “Yup!” We all replied at the same time, which is pretty rare for us. “See you guys later!” I said, and I ran home.
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benzo2
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| Joined: 02 Jun 2008 |
| Total Posts: 18020 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:20 PM |
| Always good to meet another writer. I'm also working on a novel called "The Battle of Crimson Ends" and I'm actually kinda letting robloxians decide the sequel by making an RP thread based on the events after that novel. If you want to check it out, PM me. |
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:21 PM |
(Thats because i just posted it what 3 minutes ago?)
Chapter 8
I looked at my clock. 7:53pm. Great, there gonna be here in a few minutes. Just then the doorbell rang. I ran downstairs of my house, and my parents didn’t yell at me, being they had left me a note saying that they would be home tomorrow at lunch. I opened the door and to my surprise, Jason, Alex, and Julia were here early. “Hey guys! You’re here early!” I said, surprised. “Yea, we didn’t want to be late, so we decided to be early.” Said Julia, happily. “Come on, lets head up to my room and wait.” I said, and we all ran up to my room. I pulled my rolling chair over to my bed and let Julia sit on it. Alex and Jason sat on my bed, and I decided to stand. “Do you think Haley will be here soon?” asked Jason. “Umm, one second.” I said, and looked at my clock. 7:55pm. “Any second.” Suddenly, Haley appeared beside my mirror, which was beside my sketching table. “Hello, May. I see you brought Alex, Jason, and Julia, just as I asked.” Haley said, smiling. “Whoa…” Said Alex and Jason in awe. “Hi!” Said Julia, probably exploding with excitement inside. “Hello, Julia.” Said Haley. “I take it you’re all surprised?” “Yea…” Said Alex, Jason, and Julia. “Why did you want me to bring them here?” I asked. The question was in my head ever since she told me to. “I wanted you to bring your friends, because I have a secret about you.” Said Haley. “Not to mention a surprise.” “What do you mean…?” I asked, cautiously. I couldn’t see where this was going, but I wanted to find out as soon as possible. “I mean, May, that you, Alex, Jason, and Julia, aren’t from here.” She said. “not just different cities. You guys are from a different world completely.”
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:23 PM |
(and lol ikr always nice.)
Chapter 9
“What?” I asked. “What are you talking about?” She was starting to make me wonder- but maybe it’s not. What? I remember Haley saying that… But why? My dream. I was flying, then Haley appeared saying it might not be a dream. oh wow. For once I’m not dreaming, and yet I’m hearing what I’ve wanted to hear all my life. “I mean that you guys aren’t from earth. You four are from a place called Zajinx.” Said Haley. “And I can take you there from your room, May.” “Really?” I asked, surprised. My room has always been the first place we went to, but only because Jason and Julia have siblings, and Alex’s mom always wanted us to go outside. “But how? “By using your mirror, May. Look at your mirror.” Haley said. I looked at it, and to my surprise, it wasn’t reflecting anything, it was shining. “Just walk through the mirror and you will be at your home town, BlueSparks. Thane will take you to see Skye.” “Alright, here goes nothing…” I said, and I ran through the mirror. “It worked!” I cried, and I looked around and the white, sparkling snow on the ground. “Guess its winter here.” “Whoa, are you alright?” a boy said, who looked about my age. “My name is Thane.” He said, helping me up. “Hi Thane, my name is May.” I said. “Hey, wait. You’re Thane? Well, that was easy.” “Yea, that’s me. And you’re May. Easier then I thought it would be.” He said. “But where are Alex, Jason, and Julia?” “Coming in any second.” I said, and just then they all jumped through, with Haley right behind. “Told you.” |
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benzo2
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| Joined: 02 Jun 2008 |
| Total Posts: 18020 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:24 PM |
Are planning on making this an actually book or just a roblox story? If the former, might I suggest longer chapters?
My first chapter is 1370 words or so, and that is still considered extremely short. (It's more of an intro chapter.) |
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| 02 Apr 2011 12:25 PM |
| Very good book so far. I have not seen any mistakes yet. The plot is very interesting, keep up the good work. |
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 01:04 PM |
@Ben theres gonna be 25 CHAPTERS OR MORE. probably more.
@5saphire tyvm. |
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snowpupy
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| Joined: 27 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 3122 |
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| 02 Apr 2011 01:09 PM |
| All of that should be one or two chapters. |
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 03 Apr 2011 09:04 PM |
erm, you know those books that are really small but thick? like this big?
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_ well, ive seen a chapter that was THREE LINES IN A BOOK THAT BIG. not to mention more then 100 chapters. |
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 03 Apr 2011 09:05 PM |
|Ok it was bigger srry but the post took out some of the spaces| like that wide. |
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zahdernia
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 112 |
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| 05 May 2011 08:31 PM |
Chapter 10
“Here.” Said Haley. She shrunk the mirror and passed it to me. “Take care of it, and don’t loose it. “’Kay, I won’t.” I replied, and carefully put the mirror in my pocket, where I knew it only had a 10% chance of breaking, since it’s not likely that I would fall over or anything. Unless… eh, no matter. It’s got a one in a million chance. “So, Thane, where are we heading?” “Hmm… perhaps SnowLight Mountain?” Thane replied. “But it might be hard to get up there…” “Well, we gotta go there sometime, right?” said Julia, obviously not noticing what Thane meant. “Might as well get it done and over with!” “I see someone is in a great mood today.” said Jason, watching Julia practically jump up and down. “But she’s right. May, Alex, you guys agree?” I nodded as Alex said “Hmm. Sure.” “Alright then, lets go.” said Thane. I started to notice Haley was kinda looking disappointed, but smiling at the same time. “Haley? Something wrong?” I asked her. It started to seem like she was… fading? “Oh, no, everything’s fine, it’s just that I can’t go with you.” She said, but she was looking happier, now. “I need to get some other items, so you all can get back here, and back to your house. If your parents notice your gone for too long, they might get worried.” “That’s fine, we’ll see you later!” I said, and behind me I saw Alex and Julia nod, and I heard Jason say “yup.” “Oh, yes, Alex, Jason, Julia, I’m going to be dropping by your houses, any belongings you absolutely can’t live without?” said Haley. “Sometime I’ll be able to get all your things with you, but not all at once, I have to do it slowly.“ I smiled. She cares so much about us. “Uh, just my skateboard, thanks Haley.” Said Jason. “Toothbrush, please.” Said Alex, probably thinking ahead. “Oh, I’ll grab that stuff, no need to worry about that.” said Haley. Like I said, she cares. “Oh, thanks, well then can you grab my I-pod please?” said Alex. “Mine too please!” Julia chimed in. “Alright then, May, anything you need?” Haley said, beaming at me. “Uh, just my special backpack please.” I replied. My backpack had everything I need, everything I bring to sleepovers. My toothbrush, favourite series of books, paper, pencil, pencil sharpener, I-pod, everything. “’Kay, I’ll go right now.” Haley said waving. We all said bye, and stood in silence. It was weird. Usually when were all together one of us breaks the silence, sometimes with the usual talk of teenagers, movies, music, videogames, anything. But not this time. This time it was Thane. “Well, shall we go?” He asked, to which we all nodded. “Lets go.” I said. Now lets have some fun. |
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| 05 May 2011 08:35 PM |
| Sorry, but theres over 20 books called that |
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C0MET
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| Joined: 07 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 5124 |
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| 05 May 2011 08:37 PM |
| The chapters are really short.. but it's okay. |
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| 05 May 2011 08:39 PM |
Sorry to interrupt, but I feel like I need to tell you this. You're doing great. Me and some friends of my do some Rp on a different site and not the normal ROBLOX Rp-ing either. Actual story. Anyways, I also do some writing like this, but most my mine is fan fiction and the like. Keep up the good work!
-=[Absolute power corrupts absolutely]=- |
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