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Re: The Fall of Vaktovia [Book 1]

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SirBackspace is not online. SirBackspace
Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 15427
04 Aug 2011 10:24 PM
In the year of 2223, Vaktovian forces had conquered much of Robloxia. They were merciless, killing all who did not surrender. The Free peoples of Robloxia were mustering their forces to strike back against the terror that was Vaktovia.
The Free peoples called themselves the Liberation Union, this consited of United Clan of Robloxia, Urban Asualt Forces, Roblox Asualt Team, and Roblox Freedom Asociation.

[Chapter 1] {Vaktovian Swampy Moon Outpost}

Squiboi: Emperor Vaktus, you called
Vaktus: Have we conquered the fools yet?
Squidboi: No, master, They are Strong.
Vaktus: Strong? Strong? We have defeated larger forces..., stronger forces...
Squidboi: Should I tell them to double our attack force?
Vaktus: No triple it, I have a very Special Mission for you...

{Vaktus Whispers in Squiboi's ear}


Squidboi: Yes master.

[Chapter 2] {RAT Fort Celeste}

CT:Hippie, how goes the war?
HippieVanz: Ii is bad, sir, ouor entrie civilian population has been sucessfully moved to the HQ, sir.
CT: Good, how do our defense here hold?
HV: Not good, the east wall has been deemed 'strucualy unsound'
CT: If Vaktovia get's in, we will be done for.
HV: Also, one other thing sir, Mike was Kidnapped.
CT: By whom?
HV: Squid---
CT:--boi! I shall consult the leaders of the Other Clans in the Union.


[Chapter 3] {UAF Fort Kopervich}
BB9 sits in his throne room.

SiruisBelkin:Sir, we have much to report.
BB9: What is it that is so important you must interupt my game of parchisi?
SB: Many things, First, we have noted that much Seismic activity has been recorded near the eastern lava feild.
BB9: what does this mean?
SB: top sientests conclude it is just a seris of small earthquakes, not much to worry about.
BB9: What more?
SB: Also, the war is going badly, vaktovian forces have jsut taken mettinrich.
BB9: What of the civilians?
SB: They are all safe in patria.
Bb9: Can I get back to my game?
SB: One last thing, CT has called an emergency meeting Mike, an admiral, was kdnapped.
Bb9: I shall leave immedialty.
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blackopp51 is not online. blackopp51
Joined: 02 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 785
04 Aug 2011 10:27 PM
Cool story.
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ColourTheory is not online. ColourTheory
Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Total Posts: 8989
04 Aug 2011 10:29 PM
This story is factually incorrect. Who would want mike?

Much prettier admirals out there, just saying.
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SirBackspace is not online. SirBackspace
Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 15427
04 Aug 2011 10:31 PM
CT,Becuase he has kewl hatz!
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Dolphins07 is not online. Dolphins07
Joined: 31 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 6487
04 Aug 2011 10:33 PM
Havent seen mike in a while what happend
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awesomoshane is not online. awesomoshane
Joined: 01 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 21681
04 Aug 2011 10:34 PM
Part two?
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BloodbredTAC is not online. BloodbredTAC
Joined: 31 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 467
04 Aug 2011 10:34 PM
Uh..

It's good I guess

Here's my score

4/10

No action, just dialog

no suspense. :(

more dialog

dialog

oh

wheres the action

I guess its pretty good

expect trolls from VAK though
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SirBackspace is not online. SirBackspace
Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 15427
04 Aug 2011 10:37 PM
There isn't any action in this part, duhh...

In Book 2 there will be a fight over RAT HQ,and sometthing Hppens to a main cahracter.
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
04 Aug 2011 10:38 PM
I could whip one of these things out of my @$$ in two minutes.
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BloodbredTAC is not online. BloodbredTAC
Joined: 31 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 467
04 Aug 2011 10:38 PM
@Sir

I wasn't done yet

use better grammar

And there is supposed to be action.

If you look at my Novel, The Day the Superclans Fell, you would understand you need to have action in any part of the story.

Wether it's in the dialog or not.

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squidboi2 is not online. squidboi2
Joined: 25 Apr 2009
Total Posts: 52336
04 Aug 2011 10:39 PM
i would never kidnap someone so ugly!

i'd take kaelan.
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SirBackspace is not online. SirBackspace
Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 15427
04 Aug 2011 10:39 PM
It's not my fulat vak is evil, is it now, Fire?
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
04 Aug 2011 10:40 PM
You waste your time writing about our group as we kill your loved ones while they sleep. Then we rip off your toes so you can't run away when we torture you.
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pepper0 is not online. pepper0
Joined: 01 Sep 2007
Total Posts: 12032
04 Aug 2011 10:41 PM
BEST SELLER
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SirBackspace is not online. SirBackspace
Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 15427
04 Aug 2011 10:42 PM
I'm Redoing it.

and changing the title.
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BloodbredTAC is not online. BloodbredTAC
Joined: 31 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 467
04 Aug 2011 10:44 PM
@Fire

Omg

What do you not understand about

VIRTUAL

GAME

god idiotic fools these days
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
04 Aug 2011 10:47 PM
"My Novel"

"VIRTUAL

GAME"

Your point?
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BloodbredTAC is not online. BloodbredTAC
Joined: 31 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 467
04 Aug 2011 10:48 PM
@Fire

Novel on a VIRTUAL GAME is for entertainment purposes.

Saying you killed somebody's family while you wrote a story on a VIRTUAL GAME is just a fail

lol

u got pwned

hehehehtrololo
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scoobysnacks1 is not online. scoobysnacks1
Joined: 20 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 9590
04 Aug 2011 10:49 PM
You have VAK to strong, in reality they are a small clan that mostly just has liers.
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magicfroggy is not online. magicfroggy
Joined: 06 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 82
04 Aug 2011 10:50 PM
uhhgggg ikr me and some others won a raid then they denied. So annoying.
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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
04 Aug 2011 10:50 PM
Pwned by a person who spent his time today writing a crappy novel about a "VIRTUAL GAME" and lecturing other people about their crappy writing about a "VIRTUAL GAME."

I'm hitting an all-time-low in getting owned, then. Oh, wait, I didn't get owned. Because... You don't have the brain capacity to pwn or own me.
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BloodbredTAC is not online. BloodbredTAC
Joined: 31 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 467
04 Aug 2011 10:52 PM
@FIRE

omg

i'm so scared of a guy using a dictionary and didn't know what I said was a joke

omg somebody help me from this crazy man1!1eleven

also

you can't tell a person how to play a game

some people just play games like this to write stories about it.

so yeaaa

you just got

er

whats the word

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FIRECAKE is not online. FIRECAKE
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 25167
04 Aug 2011 11:35 PM
I don't use a dictionary to write. Why? Did you need one to read my message?
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BloodbredTAC is not online. BloodbredTAC
Joined: 31 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 467
04 Aug 2011 11:41 PM
@Fire

I don't see your writing, but I see your typing

*lolfail*
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boby342 is not online. boby342
Joined: 22 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 6362
04 Aug 2011 11:59 PM
Needs more boby.
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