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| 04 Aug 2011 10:24 PM |
In the year of 2223, Vaktovian forces had conquered much of Robloxia. They were merciless, killing all who did not surrender. The Free peoples of Robloxia were mustering their forces to strike back against the terror that was Vaktovia. The Free peoples called themselves the Liberation Union, this consited of United Clan of Robloxia, Urban Asualt Forces, Roblox Asualt Team, and Roblox Freedom Asociation.
[Chapter 1] {Vaktovian Swampy Moon Outpost}
Squiboi: Emperor Vaktus, you called Vaktus: Have we conquered the fools yet? Squidboi: No, master, They are Strong. Vaktus: Strong? Strong? We have defeated larger forces..., stronger forces... Squidboi: Should I tell them to double our attack force? Vaktus: No triple it, I have a very Special Mission for you...
{Vaktus Whispers in Squiboi's ear}
Squidboi: Yes master.
[Chapter 2] {RAT Fort Celeste}
CT:Hippie, how goes the war? HippieVanz: Ii is bad, sir, ouor entrie civilian population has been sucessfully moved to the HQ, sir. CT: Good, how do our defense here hold? HV: Not good, the east wall has been deemed 'strucualy unsound' CT: If Vaktovia get's in, we will be done for. HV: Also, one other thing sir, Mike was Kidnapped. CT: By whom? HV: Squid--- CT:--boi! I shall consult the leaders of the Other Clans in the Union.
[Chapter 3] {UAF Fort Kopervich} BB9 sits in his throne room.
SiruisBelkin:Sir, we have much to report. BB9: What is it that is so important you must interupt my game of parchisi? SB: Many things, First, we have noted that much Seismic activity has been recorded near the eastern lava feild. BB9: what does this mean? SB: top sientests conclude it is just a seris of small earthquakes, not much to worry about. BB9: What more? SB: Also, the war is going badly, vaktovian forces have jsut taken mettinrich. BB9: What of the civilians? SB: They are all safe in patria. Bb9: Can I get back to my game? SB: One last thing, CT has called an emergency meeting Mike, an admiral, was kdnapped. Bb9: I shall leave immedialty. |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:29 PM |
This story is factually incorrect. Who would want mike?
Much prettier admirals out there, just saying. |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:31 PM |
| CT,Becuase he has kewl hatz! |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:33 PM |
| Havent seen mike in a while what happend |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:34 PM |
Uh..
It's good I guess
Here's my score
4/10
No action, just dialog
no suspense. :(
more dialog
dialog
oh
wheres the action
I guess its pretty good
expect trolls from VAK though |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:37 PM |
There isn't any action in this part, duhh...
In Book 2 there will be a fight over RAT HQ,and sometthing Hppens to a main cahracter. |
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FIRECAKE
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| Joined: 28 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 25167 |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:38 PM |
| I could whip one of these things out of my @$$ in two minutes. |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:38 PM |
@Sir
I wasn't done yet
use better grammar
And there is supposed to be action.
If you look at my Novel, The Day the Superclans Fell, you would understand you need to have action in any part of the story.
Wether it's in the dialog or not.
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squidboi2
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| Joined: 25 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 52336 |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:39 PM |
i would never kidnap someone so ugly!
i'd take kaelan. |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:39 PM |
| It's not my fulat vak is evil, is it now, Fire? |
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FIRECAKE
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| Joined: 28 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 25167 |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:40 PM |
| You waste your time writing about our group as we kill your loved ones while they sleep. Then we rip off your toes so you can't run away when we torture you. |
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pepper0
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| Joined: 01 Sep 2007 |
| Total Posts: 12032 |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:42 PM |
I'm Redoing it.
and changing the title. |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:44 PM |
@Fire
Omg
What do you not understand about
VIRTUAL
GAME
god idiotic fools these days |
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FIRECAKE
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| Joined: 28 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 25167 |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:47 PM |
"My Novel"
"VIRTUAL
GAME"
Your point? |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:48 PM |
@Fire
Novel on a VIRTUAL GAME is for entertainment purposes.
Saying you killed somebody's family while you wrote a story on a VIRTUAL GAME is just a fail
lol
u got pwned
hehehehtrololo |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:49 PM |
| You have VAK to strong, in reality they are a small clan that mostly just has liers. |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:50 PM |
| uhhgggg ikr me and some others won a raid then they denied. So annoying. |
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FIRECAKE
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| Joined: 28 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 25167 |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:50 PM |
Pwned by a person who spent his time today writing a crappy novel about a "VIRTUAL GAME" and lecturing other people about their crappy writing about a "VIRTUAL GAME."
I'm hitting an all-time-low in getting owned, then. Oh, wait, I didn't get owned. Because... You don't have the brain capacity to pwn or own me. |
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| 04 Aug 2011 10:52 PM |
@FIRE
omg
i'm so scared of a guy using a dictionary and didn't know what I said was a joke
omg somebody help me from this crazy man1!1eleven
also
you can't tell a person how to play a game
some people just play games like this to write stories about it.
so yeaaa
you just got
er
whats the word
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FIRECAKE
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| Joined: 28 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 25167 |
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| 04 Aug 2011 11:35 PM |
| I don't use a dictionary to write. Why? Did you need one to read my message? |
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| 04 Aug 2011 11:41 PM |
@Fire
I don't see your writing, but I see your typing
*lolfail* |
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boby342
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| Joined: 22 Jan 2010 |
| Total Posts: 6362 |
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