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| 23 Jul 2011 08:40 PM |
Here is chapter 1 of my book Special Born I was slowly walking through the woods. Above me the morning sunlight filtered through the tall orange, brown, and read leaved trees. As a chilling wind started to blow I pulled the hood of my forest green cloak over my blue highlighted red hair. Only my startling green eyes could be seen since the hood left my face in the shadows. I started thinking about my life. I was fourteen and was the oldest of King Robert and Queen Julia's children. I was probably one of the most special of their children. I was born special. Few people, in the entire history of Zarogazia, have naturally, unusual colored highlights. I was also the one that would rather be on adventures then sit at the castle. Which made my life an adventure. As I was lost in thought I heard someone walking through the undergrowth. Quickly I turned around and tried to reach for my dagger that hung from my waist, but someone grabbed me from behind. A second later I felt a dagger pressed against my neck. A gruff voice said, “Don’t struggle and come with us or your dead.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After what seemed like hours of walking we finally reached our destination. They lead me into a huge cave set inside an even larger cliff. As we entered the cave I noticed we were inside a chamber that had many tunnels branching off it. They lead me through many tunnels until we reached a huge room. The floor was cobble stone and along part of one wall was a jail cell. The rest of the wall was devoted to book shelves crammed with books and scrolls of all sizes. Along another wall was a king sized bed and even more book shelves. A desk, which was covered by ink pots, quill pens, and piles of parchment, was against another wall, which like the other two, were crammed with over flowing bookshelves. The wall, which held the entrance to this chamber, was covered with maps and plans. In the middle of this spacious room was a huge table surrounded by about twenty chairs. The stone jail cell was opened and they pushed me into it. My head hit the stone wall hard and I fainted. I heard the door slammed shut and locked before I heard, saw, and felt nothing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Around a half an hour later I regained consciousness. I was lying on the cold, hard, stone floor of a jail cell. Every wall was stone and along one wall was a narrow bed. The door to my jail cell was wooden and had and iron barred window. Slowly I raised my self of the floor and sat on the bed. I felt the back of my head, the part that hit the wall, and only felt a slight bump. Just as I started to think the cell doors were unlocked and a young man came in and pulled me out of my cell. He locked the door then threw me on the floor in front of an old man. I looked up into the old man’s face. He was pale and had a long, pointed nose, blue cat like eyes, and long grey hair. The old man stared at me for some time before he smiled crookedly and said, “Princess Nichole welcome. Remember me?”
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| 23 Jul 2011 08:42 PM |
| Please tell me what you think. Later I will post chapter 2 |
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| 23 Jul 2011 08:43 PM |
| I read the first sentence, and I thought of twilight |
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| 23 Jul 2011 08:44 PM |
"blue highlighted red hair"
sounds retarded |
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| 24 Jul 2011 11:21 AM |
what is the problem with bue highlighted red hair(besides the wording) i dont find a problem thats the way i describe my character
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Icelina3
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| Joined: 20 Nov 2010 |
| Total Posts: 10672 |
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| 24 Jul 2011 11:22 AM |
"I read the first sentence, and I thought of twilight"
Me, too. |
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gymnast82
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| Joined: 21 Dec 2009 |
| Total Posts: 1145 |
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| 24 Jul 2011 01:19 PM |
'Blue highlighted red hair'
Pople can be natural red-heads, and in this story, her character was born a little different. This is writing, you can do whatever you want with your character. In my story I gave my character Deep yellow eyes and Brown hair with reed streaks, and it's okay, because it;s just a story. I think the story is great, and her ideas are creative. The story should be published someday, Good job. |
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| 24 Jul 2011 01:22 PM |
| Its nice. I usually don't read books about kingdoms. Some reason I thought it was a vampire story. |
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Zoidby
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2011 |
| Total Posts: 144 |
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| 24 Jul 2011 02:59 PM |
| k thanks everyone for telling me your feed. If you like it i will be posting chapter 2 soon |
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rock53
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| Joined: 03 Dec 2007 |
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| 24 Jul 2011 03:01 PM |
| a good first time book, i will be glad to see your book in the library |
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| 24 Jul 2011 06:36 PM |
K everyone i will try to post the next chapter by tomorrow if u wanna see it
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Ichigo97
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| Joined: 02 Apr 2008 |
| Total Posts: 7237 |
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| 24 Jul 2011 06:41 PM |
You need to make the chapters longer. Short chapters are no fun, really.
and this reminds me THAT OT NEEDS TO READ MY STORY. BLAH. o3o |
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| 24 Jul 2011 07:03 PM |
Chapter 3: I couldn't speak or do anything. For some reason I remembered him. His name was Japatha and he used to be the royal wizard. One day when I was three I followed him for a day. I remembered it so clearly. I saw him walk slowly toward me, eyes blazing with anger. I remembered running away, but then I tripped and sprained my ankle. He walked forward with a orange ball of pure energy in his hand. I put my arms up to cover my face. I excepted pain but instead a force field sprung up around me and when Japatha threw the ball it exploded in his face. He disappeared as a beam of light shot into the sky. After that I fainted and woke up being carried home in my father's arms. I came back to reality shocked and full of anger. "You... you tried to kill me," I said quietly. "Nichole, you almost killed me-" "After you tried to kill me," I said, starting to raise my voice. I continued, now yelling. " You almost killed me! I was a curious, innocent, three year old!" "Oh... You hold a grudge. But I should have killed you like I do with others. I'm glad your alive though. Now you can help me." "Japatha you will never get me to help you," I said, starting to calm down. |
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| 24 Jul 2011 07:04 PM |
| That part of chapter three. And I don't want the chapters longer. They are meant to be short. |
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Ichigo97
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| Joined: 02 Apr 2008 |
| Total Posts: 7237 |
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| 24 Jul 2011 08:06 PM |
Well, imo, books aren't that good if the chapters are really short like yours are. It makes it boring and makes me feel like the writer is kind of lazy.
k? k. |
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| 25 Jul 2011 11:39 AM |
Some books have short chapters and they are great. Like I said my chapters are meant to be short. I might make them longer later but I don't have a problem with the short chapters so for now I'm not. And from now on people please do not say stuff unless it is constructive criticism or you are saying you like. I'm sorry but I don't want to hear about the chapters being to short or you don't like my characters because of the way they are supposed to look like. |
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Ichigo97
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| Joined: 02 Apr 2008 |
| Total Posts: 7237 |
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| 25 Jul 2011 12:06 PM |
"Your chapters are a bit too short." is constructive criticism. Some people aren't going to like certain things about your story and you have to get over it. If you're an author later on and someone says they don't like the look of one of your characters or they don't like how you made your chapters, are you going to BAAAW about it? You probably are, unless you learn to take it. And if you do complain, you'll get hell.
Lots of books have short chapters, yes, but yours are TOO short. Stories are better when they're not rushed. |
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bella3333
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| Joined: 06 Sep 2009 |
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| 25 Jul 2011 12:21 PM |
To me its not constructive criticism and to me my chapters are fine. I'm the author so that is how I write my book. To me there is no problem and not everyone is going to like it. I know that. I meant that look at HiGuiseItsChaos4 post. I don't want people doing that. Sorry for not seeing your post as constructive criticism. And I can deal with people saying they don't like it I just don't want people to do it. Any way I will try to post some more of chapter two and maybe I will combine the chapters to make them longer. Thank you.
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