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Re: Write it in my notebook. (Story)

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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
04 Jul 2011 01:54 PM
~Chapter One~

"Come on, Cyrus! Let me use the bathroom!" Cried an frustrated student. Cyrus Drake, a tall, lean, raven haired teen, leaned against the wall, blocking the door to the boy's bathroom with his arm. He laughed quietly and asked, "What's it worth to you?" This was a daily occurrence for Cyrus. Everyday, he thought of some new way to torture people until he got what he wanted. The younger student gave a noise of anxiousness, "Come on! I can't mess around! I really have to go." He was jumping up and down now. Cyrus yawned and pretended to be interested in the striped pattern on his black and grey jacket. "I'm waiting, freshman. What do you have to offer me." He asked , bored. The boy groaned, "Ugh, you sophomores are all the same! Fine. what do you want?" Cyrus grinned wickedly, and he pulled a plain black notebook from his school bag. He also proceeded to take a red pen from the pocket of his dark blue jeans, "I want your soul." The boy looked at him, "What? That's just weird, Cyrus!" Cyrus shook his head slowly, and made a noise like that of running water. The boy hobbled from one leg to another, "Okay, I get your point! Give it here so I can sign it!" Cyrus grinned, "Excellent." He said, and as the boy began to right his name in the notebook, "Oh, do be careful with that pen. It's so annoying to fill those things with blood. Especially when you have to be careful about the Biology teacher catching you siphoning blood out of the experiment." The boy looked up and said, "That's some messed up crap." Cyrus frowned, "Speaking of crap....." The boy snarled, "Fine!" He finished writing his name with a flourish and shoved the pen and notebook back into Cyrus's hands. Cyrus stepped to the side and said, "It's all yours," gesturing to the bathroom. As soon as the boy entered, Cyrus looked up and down the hallway making sure no one was their. He tucked his notebook back into his school bag and grinned. "Another one to add to my collection." Slowly he broke into a chuckle, and then progressively it turned into a cackle. "What some idiot's will do without even thinking." He said quietly to himself.
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kerrikoo is not online. kerrikoo
Joined: 02 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 1588
04 Jul 2011 01:57 PM
Interesting. When are you going to post the next part?
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
04 Jul 2011 01:58 PM
I dunno. When I get some more feedback and when I've got the next part done in my head.
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kerrikoo is not online. kerrikoo
Joined: 02 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 1588
04 Jul 2011 02:00 PM
Kay. I'm bookmarking this, it sounds awesome.
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oinkOINKfishy is not online. oinkOINKfishy
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 2106
04 Jul 2011 02:01 PM
I like it but the name Cyrus Drake sounds familiar... It is from some Wizard game :/ Well, anyways, I like it. Continue.
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
04 Jul 2011 02:02 PM
Nah, Cyrus Drake just kind of came to me.
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oinkOINKfishy is not online. oinkOINKfishy
Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 2106
04 Jul 2011 02:05 PM
Well continue I'll go find out where it is. :P
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
04 Jul 2011 02:06 PM
Ah, I found it. It's from that little kid game Wizard 101. Never played it. I just liked how Cyrus Drake sounded.
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kerrikoo is not online. kerrikoo
Joined: 02 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 1588
06 Jul 2011 05:24 AM
Next chapter pl0x?
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srbstriker is not online. srbstriker
Joined: 07 May 2010
Total Posts: 1340
06 Jul 2011 06:12 AM
Wow, great job River! This is shaping up to be great, very interesting.
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
06 Jul 2011 10:42 AM
Oh yeah, the next chapter's coming. Putting the finishing detaikls on it in my head. Expect it today, around....... 5 PM-ish EST. I'm kind of busy today.
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
06 Jul 2011 08:05 PM
((Changing his last name to Prince, 'cause Cyrus Drake is from some mmo.)
~Chapter Two~
Tick, tock, tick, tock. The time slowly flowed by as Cyrus Prince sat with his head down in his Algebra Two class. It was a free period today, and Cyrus spent it sleeping, like he did every free period he got. Academics meant nothing to him, so he cared nothing for his grades. He was passing all his classes with average grades, only so he could keep the guidance counselor off his back. Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he snapped up in his seat. He turned around to see the nervous face of Amanda Thomas, the closest thing he had to a friend, "What the hell do you want, Amada?" He said impatiently. She gulped and said, "Could I borrow your calculator, Cyrus?" Cyrus sighed, "That's all you want? You woke me up for that?" Amanda nodded quickly. Amanda was a thin, wiry, brown haired girl with dark black eyes. With her small frame and long brown hair, she looked young and defenseless. "Maybe that's why she's so shy." Cyrus had always thought. Cyrus didn't want her friendship, but she quickly attached herself to the cold, independent boy early in their school years.

He quickly reached into his hoodie pocket and shoved the calculator at her, "Here, take it." She quietly murmured her thanks, and cast her eyes downward. He put his head back down to sleep, but he was soon interrupted by a loud screech from the loud speaker, "Cyrus Prince, please report to the office." He groaned, and got up reluctantly. "Damn, I was just getting to sleep." He muttered.

(Chapter Two kinda sucked.)
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
06 Jul 2011 08:26 PM
Even a small opinion would be appreciated.
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kerrikoo is not online. kerrikoo
Joined: 02 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 1588
07 Jul 2011 03:46 AM
This story is awesome.
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
07 Jul 2011 02:03 PM
Thanks for the feedback, kerri.
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LordHazer is not online. LordHazer
Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 2401
07 Jul 2011 02:09 PM
Liking the story at the moment. Interested to see where this goes.
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TAYtayisGR8 is not online. TAYtayisGR8
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 5193
07 Jul 2011 02:15 PM
10 words. In the words of my forefathers "EPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKK" That is all.

The above text translates to:

I really like it, its very interesting. Chapter one was better than chapter two though.
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
07 Jul 2011 02:19 PM
Yeah, I kinda rushed chapter two. Chapter three will be better though. I've got nothing to do, so I'll type chapter three up tonight and take my time.
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xSolarEclispe is not online. xSolarEclispe
Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 980
07 Jul 2011 03:15 PM
it sounds interesting. i want to see where this goes.
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airrider52 is not online. airrider52
Joined: 01 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 1948
07 Jul 2011 03:24 PM
I am intriged.....i am interested in these kinda of stories. I will be watching this.
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mranderson is not online. mranderson
Joined: 20 Apr 2008
Total Posts: 2252
07 Jul 2011 03:36 PM
Neo approved.
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kopaka is not online. kopaka
Joined: 14 Dec 2007
Total Posts: 12448
07 Jul 2011 03:39 PM
We don't need another Matrix fan.

*Glares at mranderson*
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
08 Jul 2011 06:14 PM
~Chapter Three~

"Well, well, well, Mister Prince. You've come to see me once again." Said, Doctor Geoffrey Smith. the principal of Oak Shade High, the school that Cyrus reluctantly attended. He was a young man, by the usual standards. The principal was also a genius, graduating with his Master's in Education at the age of twenty five. Now at the age of thirty he was the principal of the very school he had attended. He was perhaps Oak Shade's greatest alumni, no other graduate could match his intelligence or success. He was dressed in a nicely cut black suit. He looked a but like Jimi Hendrix, except his hair was shorter. He took a small amount of pride in this, he loved Jimi Hendrix’s music. He was new to this job, just being hired last year. And since that time, he'd seen a lot of Mr. Prince.

Bullying, vandalism, and theft were all on Cyrus Prince's record. But you would never guess that by looking at him. With his black hair, his lean, tall frame, lazy expression, and darkly dressed self, Cyrus looked more likely to spend his time doing nothing, rather then being a juvenile delinquent. Still, he managed to spend more time in this office then the majority of the student body combined. "Well, sir." He started, "I'd like to say one thing." Dr. Smith raised an eyebrow, "Hmm?" Cyrus continued, "I didn't do it, whatever it was." Dr. Smith sighed. He knew where this was going.
He'd have to run through the same old speech, the same old punishment, the same old everything. But this would be the last time. "Cyrus, one more offense, even a minor one, will result in your expulsion." Cyrus laughed. Geoffrey blinked. He was laughing? "Why are you laughing?" He asked, stunned. Cyrus stifled his laughter, "Like I care if I'm expelled." Then he stood up. "I'll do you a favor, sir." He took deep breath and said, "Sir, this school sucks, the teachers are crappy, and you're not all that great yourself. If I ever get the chance I will burn this frickin' place to the ground with everyone in it." He laughed and said, "That should do it." Geoffrey shook his head. He didn't like to give up on any student, no matter how bad they were, but Cyrus has asked for it. "Cyrus, I'm afraid I have to expel you." Cyrus nodded cheerily and walked towards the door. Then as he exited, he slammed it hard. Geoffrey sat down in his chair and rubbed his temples. But his headache only got worse, because from outside he heard happy yelling and shouting. "Cyrus." He growled.
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leonthebrave is not online. leonthebrave
Joined: 27 May 2008
Total Posts: 3827
08 Jul 2011 06:35 PM
I read all of it, 1-3.



EPICPOICIPCIPCIPPDPOEPPEPEIPEIEPPIEEEEPICEPIEEPIC
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River777 is not online. River777
Joined: 05 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 14638
08 Jul 2011 06:41 PM
I'm going to kick up the action a bit, in the next chapter.
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