kjet
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| Joined: 31 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 5618 |
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| 21 Jun 2011 03:18 AM |
The Vaktovian Civil War
This is something i made for fun and is roughly based on what I experienced in what is commonly called the vaktovian civil war.
also please tell me what you think of it if you can be bothered reading, i used to be good at writing and i want to see if i still can, i havn't written in a while.
"This is an outrage!" screams Captain Kjet, everybody in the meeting room goes silent. "You cannot honestly believe that general deadly24 was the one to exile all our members! If anyone it would have to be you Umbre" General Umbrellacorporato cuts kjet off "you have no right to speak to your general like that! it was obviously him, us two were the only ones online at the time and it wasn't me." "you have been a general for no more than a month! he has been a general for years! why would he betray the empire!" "settle down kjet" Lewisado answers we are all stressed about what happened today but we need to rid of deadly since vaktus cannot leave his palace without being harrased by vaktovian soldiers." "I refuse to believe deadly did this!" I continue yelling "We are just going in circles here, i have had enough of this..." Kjet storms ot of the IRM base and heads to General Deadlys royal fortress. "anyway lewisado" Umbrellacorporato beings "we will launch the IRM and Vaktovian attack forces in exactly half an hour, be read..."
Kjet walks to the the gates of the fortress and is greeted by 5 vaktovian assault rifles. "turn back now vaktovian or we will shoot you." a vaktovian lieutenant says to kjet. "what are you talking about? we are both vaktovians, i need to speak to general deadly." Kjet snaps "how do i know youa re not one of umbrellas men?" the lieutenant says "because im not an idiot and i need to get deadly urgently, whether i need to get through you or not!" "let him through" a familiar voice goes over the loudspeaker, it was Colonel ________ (sorry i cannot remember all the people involved) I walk through to deadlys office and we speak about umbrellacorporatos treachery, but suddenly we see 2 of our men on the gate shot. "What the hell!?" yells deadly
i might post more later if i get positive feedback, either way it will be posted for vaktovian educational purposes
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xenthes4
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| Joined: 10 Mar 2008 |
| Total Posts: 3667 |
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kjet
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| Joined: 31 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 5618 |
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bloodbred
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| Joined: 12 Aug 2009 |
| Total Posts: 3079 |
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| 21 Jun 2011 03:40 AM |
Decent.. Work on grammar. I HATE stories without a decent amount of grammar.
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| 21 Jun 2011 06:38 AM |
| Go more into shorter paragraphs. |
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