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Re: -=[The Vaktovian Civil War]=- -=[HISTORICAL STORY]=-

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kjet is not online. kjet
Joined: 31 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 5618
21 Jun 2011 03:18 AM
The Vaktovian Civil War

This is something i made for fun and is roughly based on what I
experienced in what is commonly called the vaktovian civil war.

also please tell me what you think of it if you can be bothered
reading, i used to be good at writing and i want to see if i
still can, i havn't written in a while.


"This is an outrage!" screams Captain Kjet, everybody in the meeting
room goes silent. "You cannot honestly believe that general deadly24
was the one to exile all our members! If anyone it would have to be
you Umbre" General Umbrellacorporato cuts kjet off "you have no right
to speak to your general like that! it was obviously him, us two were
the only ones online at the time and it wasn't me." "you have been
a general for no more than a month! he has been a general for years!
why would he betray the empire!" "settle down kjet" Lewisado answers
we are all stressed about what happened today but we need to rid of
deadly since vaktus cannot leave his palace without being harrased
by vaktovian soldiers." "I refuse to believe deadly did this!" I
continue yelling "We are just going in circles here, i have had
enough of this..." Kjet storms ot of the IRM base and heads to
General Deadlys royal fortress. "anyway lewisado" Umbrellacorporato
beings "we will launch the IRM and Vaktovian attack forces in exactly
half an hour, be read..."

Kjet walks to the the gates of the fortress and is greeted by 5
vaktovian assault rifles. "turn back now vaktovian or we will shoot
you." a vaktovian lieutenant says to kjet. "what are you talking about?
we are both vaktovians, i need to speak to general deadly." Kjet snaps
"how do i know youa re not one of umbrellas men?" the lieutenant says
"because im not an idiot and i need to get deadly urgently, whether i
need to get through you or not!" "let him through" a familiar voice
goes over the loudspeaker, it was Colonel ________ (sorry i cannot
remember all the people involved) I walk through to deadlys office
and we speak about umbrellacorporatos treachery, but suddenly we see
2 of our men on the gate shot. "What the hell!?" yells deadly

i might post more later if i get positive feedback, either way it will be
posted for vaktovian educational purposes

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xenthes4 is not online. xenthes4
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Total Posts: 3667
21 Jun 2011 03:23 AM
average
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kjet is not online. kjet
Joined: 31 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 5618
21 Jun 2011 03:30 AM
mmk, anyone else?
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bloodbred is not online. bloodbred
Joined: 12 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 3079
21 Jun 2011 03:40 AM
Decent.. Work on grammar. I HATE stories without a decent amount of grammar.

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gavindude97 is not online. gavindude97
Joined: 27 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 21410
21 Jun 2011 06:38 AM
Go more into shorter paragraphs.
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