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Re: I have a song... please dont laugh.

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Leiagirl is not online. Leiagirl
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 419
21 Nov 2008 01:41 PM
Happiness

I thought happiness would never find its way
Life with no happiness, what a sad day
But I've got it here and now, and its here to stay
Misery and anger, can go away.

Happiness, was hidden in the gloom
With no happiness, I was headed for doom

Happiness is with me, it has grown
And I'm just hoping it ain't a loan
It is blossoming, like a seed that's been sown
Having it here with me, makes me feel less alone.

Happiness, was hidden in the gloom
With no happiness, I was headed for doom

A happy sun's, shining inside of me
No more anger, or misery
I'm much happier, can't you see
And now I'm glowing, glowing happily!

Happiness, was hidden in the gloom
With no happiness, I was headed doom.
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DizzyPippo is not online. DizzyPippo
Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 1578
21 Nov 2008 01:44 PM
Its okay, maybe you should work on the rhymes and make the chorus longer... Other than that, good song
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DizzyPippo is not online. DizzyPippo
Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 1578
21 Nov 2008 01:49 PM
Maybe this for the chorus?

Happiness, was hidden in the gloom
With no happiness, I was headed doom
I have it now, I'm getting more soon
I now sing a happy tune!

Maybe? I dunno, you decide
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DizzyPippo is not online. DizzyPippo
Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 1578
21 Nov 2008 02:30 PM
Nevermind, Im rubbish at rhymes
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spork890 is not online. spork890
Joined: 16 Nov 2007
Total Posts: 12213
21 Nov 2008 05:03 PM
I like it.
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mattiboy123 is not online. mattiboy123
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Total Posts: 66
21 Nov 2008 06:53 PM
y would nyone laugh at this, i mean, its good and it takes skill to make z song,
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shaun436 is not online. shaun436
Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 7347
22 Nov 2008 03:21 PM
ya no one would laugh its a good song
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Leiagirl is not online. Leiagirl
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 419
29 Nov 2008 10:13 AM
Really? That one was a happy bubbly song (I hope) I have another, but its not done yet

I was wrong, I realise, please listen while I say my feelings...
I got the spotlight and you got some peelings
Sitting in my shadow for so long,
And I didnt see what was going wrong.
Oooh,

And I know, right now, that I confused my feelings
And I know, right now, that what I said was wrong,
And I know, oh yeah I know, thats why your gone
Mmm.

I was wrong, I realise, and I know that now you seem to be fading,
I got the colours and you got the shadings
Living with black for so long,
And I didnt see what was going wrong.
Oooh

And I know, right now, that I confused my feelings
And I know, right now, that what I said was wrong,
And I know, oh yeah I know, thats why your gone
Mmm.

I havent worked out the tune yet
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Leiagirl is not online. Leiagirl
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 419
29 Nov 2008 10:21 AM
Please comment on the last one
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DizzyPippo is not online. DizzyPippo
Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 1578
29 Nov 2008 11:33 AM
I think you have a talent, Leia
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musicboy1 is not online. musicboy1
Joined: 09 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 176
29 Nov 2008 11:44 AM
yo this girl can rap.yo yo yo my name is thegame one and ill never be the same one.i will rap until i get a cap.my boss said it has to ryhme,for every rap he will give a dime.ohh there it is my cap omg is that dodo or what?WORD
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Leiagirl is not online. Leiagirl
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 419
29 Nov 2008 12:31 PM
Wow, guys, thanks, but Im not THAT good
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Boyzone is not online. Boyzone
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 107
29 Nov 2008 01:37 PM
Leia, your songs have stolen my heart. Write more, they are beautiful
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Boyzone is not online. Boyzone
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 107
29 Nov 2008 01:38 PM
Hey, we joined on the same day
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blackgiraffe102 is not online. blackgiraffe102
Joined: 21 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 1503
29 Nov 2008 02:34 PM
It's better than I could ever do!Bigtime!
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kitkat30 is not online. kitkat30
Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Total Posts: 28
29 Nov 2008 06:05 PM
They're good.The happyness one was... very... happy.
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rocky713 is not online. rocky713
Joined: 03 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 6642
29 Nov 2008 06:31 PM
Im a peice of cr@p compared 2 u
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kennayownsu is not online. kennayownsu
Joined: 23 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 48
29 Nov 2008 11:15 PM
It's ok Its good
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paclac is not online. paclac
Joined: 07 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 9020
29 Nov 2008 11:16 PM
Like the other guy, im crap compared to you.
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jjtt11 is not online. jjtt11
Joined: 14 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 16285
29 Nov 2008 11:35 PM
ok for the guy abouf me and who he agreed to you guys are mean i think its very nice
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maddya13 is not online. maddya13
Joined: 07 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 607
29 Nov 2008 11:59 PM
its pretty good
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Leiagirl is not online. Leiagirl
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 419
30 Nov 2008 06:09 AM
Thank you!
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chaokid9 is not online. chaokid9
Joined: 29 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 6187
30 Nov 2008 07:31 AM
The first one was great but the second one needed a little more rhyme.
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jjtt11 is not online. jjtt11
Joined: 14 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 16285
30 Nov 2008 03:28 PM
and leiagirl your very welcome
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Leiagirl is not online. Leiagirl
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 419
03 Dec 2008 11:54 AM
Thank you guys... Usually people who reply to threads are sarcastic jerks, and I didnt want to be laughed at.... but you guys are relly nice, and thanks for all the constructive comments
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