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Re: Looking for Criticism!

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JellyYn is not online. JellyYn
Joined: 02 Sep 2015
Total Posts: 732
19 Jun 2017 09:57 PM
I am working on a new horror game.
I just want some people to come check it out, and see what they think.
https://www.roblox.com/games/867672566/--
Please, do give critism.
Oh, and this is no where near finished. I still have a lot to do.
(Credit to electrictech for making the roof of the house)

#code print("It's LevioSAAA not LevioSUUU")
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JellyYn is not online. JellyYn
Joined: 02 Sep 2015
Total Posts: 732
19 Jun 2017 10:20 PM
bump
cuz i can

#code print("It's LevioSAAA not LevioSUUU")
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Leaderofgalaxyclan is not online. Leaderofgalaxyclan
Joined: 04 Feb 2014
Total Posts: 88
20 Jun 2017 01:35 AM
The visuals seem to be pretty decent. I like the "mountains" that are on the side of the map. A lot of people, including myself, like a detailed game. If you could possibly add hills, vegetation, water, etc then thats already a C+ for me

As for the story, please do try and not make the game another "slenderman 2.0" and by that, I mean no "note hunting". Note hunting is fine as long as you add a real story to it. So far the games description is pretty practical and a bit cliche. The description says that we will be learning about what happened to the patients and the protagonists father, but what exactly IS the story behind it? Are we just going to be learning about the patients backstories? Is there going to be an actual climax?

In my opinion, there should be a real reason to why our character is taking up the job to investigate the asylum. It kinda sounds lazy to just say "You don't know why you took the job". Put a backstory to the character. Maybe our character has always been interested in the "paranormal" or "mentally insane" ever since he was young (try not to make it sound too edgy) or, to make it fit with the game since we'll be looking for our father, you can always just say that our character simply took the job to learn about why the father died/disappeared etc

Good luck!
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JellyYn is not online. JellyYn
Joined: 02 Sep 2015
Total Posts: 732
20 Jun 2017 02:22 PM
Thanks @Leaderofgalaxyclan!

This will be nothing like Slenderman. It is more a ROSES type game, combined with Outlast.
Also, what I mean by "You don't know why" is that you had a reason, which unfolds later in the game. You know the reason, but think you are crazy for even going to try.

And yes, there is still much to do for the prologue of the game. This is the intro before Chapter 1 of the game.

There are things that will be added such as:
Hill Background
Ponds
Plants
More Furniture

etc, etc.

Thanks for the input, and I hope once it is finished, you will come back and see how much it improved.
(Will be posting back with "Intro it done!" here once the intro to the game is finished)


#code print("It's LevioSAAA not LevioSUUU")
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electrictech is not online. electrictech
Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 264
20 Jun 2017 11:39 PM
@Leaderofgalaxyclan I made the mountains on the left side for the long run >3>


Idk wat to do now
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