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Re: such is life in soviet russia

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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:28 PM
Legend is being going like this.
You entering bathroom and standing in front of mirror. Turning candles off and, while being in front of mirror, spinning rapidly, you chanting "Leon Trotsky" "Leon Trotsky" "Leon Trotsky" "Leon Trotsky", several times, while catching glimpses of self on mirror. It is said that eventually you be seeing image of Leon Trotsky on mirror.
Upon exiting bathroom you are being arrested by KGB for believing in existence of Leon Trotsky, whom the party as proven never existed

will be posting "SFW" ones

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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:29 PM
Unpopular state worker becomes butt of many joke. Day after unfortunate tractor accident, comrades from her village place severed arm in unpopular state worker’s bed, and wait for morning to laugh. Morning comes and they enter room to find her eating arm. Horror results, because arm is enough to feed three comrades, and she will not share!

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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:32 PM
Russian man is at work alone. Copy machine begins making copies. Man did not make copies. He goes to look. Copies show him dead at desk.
He curses bad Swedish machines. Shoots copier, and begins making all copies by hand.

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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:33 PM
One night man tries escape from gulag.
Makes his way to cabin in middle of tundra. Inside is plain, but many family pictures on walls. He falls asleep. In middle of night he is put in sack and dragged out. The next morning he is shot like dog.
Pictures are windows. KGB always watching.

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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:34 PM
Item #: SCP-173
Object class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-173 is to be kept in shed behind farm. Three strong communist men must drink liter of vo#####efore enter. Two must stare at item, one must continue drink vo######Description: Moved to shed after wooden pen freeze and break during cold Soviet winter. Shed is also wood, but with paint sometimes. SCP-173 is extremely hostile, like red faced Americans. Is also coward. Neither will make move while strong Soviet men have watchful eye. No one blink, on punishment of beating with cold leather. Object enjoy snap neck, like American commando pig. If object allowed to move, all will be sent to cold Siberia for reeducation.
Personnel report sound of stone scraping when creature is alone. This is dutiful Russian work ethic. If sound stops, subject to be beaten with iron rods, like child.
Floor is covered in poop and blood, like normal Soviet household. Shed must be cleaned every two weeks. Kept much cleaner than most Soviet household.

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IsraeliPatriot is not online. IsraeliPatriot
Joined: 12 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 1047
14 Jan 2017 12:34 PM
you're weird
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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:35 PM
Girl is being given gift of very old matroshka doll. Girl opening matroshka doll and finding inside doll after doll of family and friends. The last doll is being image of girl herself. Inside last doll, girl is finding evidence of treason against the Soviet Party. Girl is surrendering herself to Party for treason and being executed.

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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:36 PM
"Father, I had bad dream" You take sip of ##### and roll over. You are stare at clocktower ## ######### ####### Is 3:23. "Go back to sleep, is much work tomorrow." "No, Father." Familiar warm buzz of ##### starts to sink in. Can barely #### ### devochka's pale form in the darkness. "Why is that, devochka moya?" "Because in dream, when I was about to go back to sleep, thing wearing Mother's skin sat up." You pause, face your daughter and look at her intensely. Figure behind you begin to stir. "Don't talk that way about your brother, is not his fault we have no money for coats. Such is life in Moscow." Scrub-a-dub-dub
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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:37 PM
Two peasants used village tractor to remove big stump. First peasant said it was impossible for tractor to remove stump. Second peasant said first peasant lacked faith in great soviet machinery, then he put great effort in removing stump. Village tractor broke and peasants were sent to gulag. Now without tractor and peasants, village was doomed.

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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:39 PM
One day, great Soviet commissar come to village to see tractor.

"Tractor only 3 wheels, what happened?" inquires glorious leader.

"Great Soviet tractor strong, only need 3 wheels!" replied peasant. "But comrade commissar, I cannot tell lie, I used unnecessary tire to make shoes for village children."

Commissar purged peasant in the name of great Stalin. Village children were sent to gulag, Great Soviet Union don't need children with weak feet!

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Insurrect is not online. Insurrect
Joined: 04 Oct 2013
Total Posts: 22734
14 Jan 2017 12:40 PM
miXtape
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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:40 PM
Toys are made by loyal factory for amusement of the children of the motherland.
Toys are of baby, and have realistic crying function.
Soon, it becomes difficult to distinguish baby and toy.
Both are burned for warmth.
Such is life in mother Russia.

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Loveydovy is not online. Loveydovy
Joined: 30 May 2009
Total Posts: 12397
14 Jan 2017 12:44 PM
oh dear
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IsraeliPatriot is not online. IsraeliPatriot
Joined: 12 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 1047
14 Jan 2017 12:46 PM
"Toys are made by loyal factory for amusement of the children of the motherland.
Toys are of baby, and have realistic crying function.
Soon, it becomes difficult to distinguish baby and toy.
Both are burned for warmth.
Such is life in mother Russia."

welp
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ScrubTeamSix is not online. ScrubTeamSix
Joined: 08 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 5841
14 Jan 2017 12:50 PM
these are legit hilarious

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