tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
|
| 16 Dec 2016 09:06 AM |
I put something I wrote on Wattpad for the first time. I'm rather doing that to "test the waters" and see if the place is approrpiate for my bigger projects. Anyway, I'd really, really appreciate if some of you could take a look at it and maybe post some comments of short reviews of it!
Link: http*s:*//ww*w.*wat*tpad.*com/sto*ry/92881*255-board-meeting
Remove the *'s. Thanks a lot in advance, I really appreciate it! :)
|
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Kiritsugu
|
  |
| Joined: 16 Aug 2013 |
| Total Posts: 7366 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
spIashes
|
  |
| Joined: 01 Jul 2010 |
| Total Posts: 10568 |
|
|
| 16 Dec 2016 09:44 AM |
write one for proelio and polonium
|
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
Felgrim
|
  |
| Joined: 15 Dec 2012 |
| Total Posts: 12136 |
|
|
| 16 Dec 2016 09:49 AM |
| STOP POSTING THIS EVERY FEW HOURS I'VE SEEN THIS THREAD ATLEAST 10 TIMES NOW IT'S A KL |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 16 Dec 2016 09:50 AM |
| From all places, it had to be C&G. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
|
| 16 Dec 2016 09:57 AM |
@Fel If it were a KL it wouldn't appear so many times and I would be term'd. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
Z007
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Sep 2010 |
| Total Posts: 11729 |
|
|
| 16 Dec 2016 12:36 PM |
| not a kl, wattpad is legit why on earth would you put asterisks after ### ### - your friendly neighborhood medical nerd |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
Z007
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Sep 2010 |
| Total Posts: 11729 |
|
|
| 16 Dec 2016 12:52 PM |
identify the characters as soon as they come in, then don't use their full####e####y often
i.e., "Michael Steward, the CEO of (insert the company here so the reader has a little context), accused Jeffrey...
then follow that sentence with a brief intro of jeffrey
"Director of the ___ department, Jeffrey Stewart knew that his days on the board were numbered."
some sentences are a bit choppy
"After spending a few more moments..." omit "more"
when the dialogue is (quote) (person who said it) rather than (person who said it) (quote), it should end in a comma rather than a period
i.e., "'Come quickly; we don't have much time.' Jim said." is incorrect; it should be "Jim retorted, 'Come quickly; we don't have much time.'" or "'Come quickly; we don't have much time,'" Jim said.
i'm at the "Really, Eric?!" part and i have no idea what's going on - right now it seems like a super dry, very common corporate debate
assuming you pick up the story in the middle or something, you should actually have some foreshadowing to captivate the reader
rather than starting from 0 and going to 100 (the pinnacle of the story), go from like 80-100 back down to 0, then build it back up
i.e., let's say Jeffrey kills the CEO in the middle of the book
because nothing's captivating the reader in the beginning, you'd start off the book by mentioning something about the death - "Jeffrey stood over Stewart's body (insert rest of sentence here)" or something like that
a comma should always follow a direct address
also, i have no idea who the narrator is - is eric a boardmember? the ceo's assistant? build your characters
skipped to the bottom because i was bored
yup, someone dies cliche
- your friendly neighborhood medical nerd |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|
tumpi2000
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2855 |
|
| |
|