PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 02:07 AM |
(Actually, this is my first time making a post, so let's see if I did it right.)
A long time ago (Maybe not, I don't remember right), I made a character to RP in a medieval RP Game, but soon my character got too developed by itself, what I mean is that no much other people's characters changed it for too long... Anyway, after a while and after finding a friend to RP with me, we ended making a personal RP story, with me as the person who control the events and others NPC's (I don't remember the name for that neither) and in the RP game where we was, wasn't enough to keep the ideas or the scenery for our RP...
So, well, beside wanting to see if someone could be interested in it... I could be looking for someone to join or something like that.
The Story is about a girl (Main Character), in the medieval times, but the time goes faster, in terms of technology and evolution. The girl is like an immortal in terms of not able to die by age and beside she always remain young. I'll skip this part because I don't want to reveal too much. A war happened which its duration is of 25 years and ended destroying most of the world, just leaving 3 big islands/continents surrounded by the ocean, for the 3 factions who were involved in it. We end up in a time where there are humans, machines, other humanoid creatures, and a few creatures left. Most of the living animals and plants were destroyed in the war, but the only thing which was replaced was the flora by something similar in aspect. There are 4 cities/towns on Earth, each one with their own stuff... And there's also spacecrafts (A bit too early but whatever.) and a big space station.
Is actually a RP similar to an 'Utopia' in that sense, because there's peace after the war and not much enemies after it. In any case, there's also some minor villains in the story and like the main goal of the RP is like character developing, discover new planets, research and others. There's no exactly a specie or race of new creatures (Most humanoid creatures are made of the same.) and the weather of the Earth is more controlled for some new devices thanks for the tech.
If I continue saying stuff, this will actually cover all the post, so I'll end it here... Hm, I think I can reply to some questions if someone post it here if interested. So, I think that's all I had to write. Well, thanks for reading if you did it up (down) to here. |
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| 22 Nov 2016 05:48 AM |
| Hmm, sounds interesting. You should try and make a detailed forum RP with this topic. Immortals going through changes in time. I like that idea. |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 06:02 AM |
Oh, thanks. Maybe I could bring some more details about the whole story later, because I don't want like... Hm, that someone would steal it (Althought sound like will not happen, I should be aware of that). Anyway, I could bring the details in other new post but how I should organize the themes of it? Like the places and rules? Or a question in specific?
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| 22 Nov 2016 06:11 AM |
So, here's the basic format of an RP.
Have some categories like this
- Backstory - Factions - Classes - Equipment - Lore (Background Info) - etc.
There is absolutely no limits to your imagination here (except for that filter, but that's with anything related with ROBLOX). So feel free to write out a short scenario that you think would be fun to RP in. Once you have an idea, start it off with some sort of Backstory to introduce the RPers to your new world.
After the Backstory is done, I recommend that you start fleshing out your world. Stuff like Factions, Locations, Equipment, Lore, etc, are all important to making your RP thread much more exciting than you started with.
Anyways, if you have any other questions, let me know. |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 06:25 AM |
Well, thanks for giving the structure to start it, but what you mean with Classes and Equipment? Well, I know that classes could be like something similar jobs and the equipment could mean the description of some weapons or devices...
Hm, also, my whole idea of the RP is like totally filled with stuff and could be ready for a RP; that includes specific data of the world, like the names of the cities, the currency used, the travel system, territory, events, and others. Also with a variety of characters. So I will not have exactly problems with filling the information but I needed the structure for it. |
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MrStilts
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| Joined: 07 Nov 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3729 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 06:28 AM |
Well, first off, you should learn to write better. I can plainly tell there were parts where you weren't sure how to describe or explain certain things, and it made reading this thread a bit harder because of it.
Secondly, you should try to avoid making "Mary Sue" characters as much as possible. Meaning characters that have almost comically overpowered abilities without any good reason for having them (like immortality), or backstories that are tragic for the sake of being tragic only. Basically, your characters should be as grounded to the logic of the story as much as possible. If you need some references on how to NOT make a Mary Sue, I suggest you look to these sites: http : //tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MarySue http : //myimmortal.wikia.com/wiki/Ebony_Dark'ness_Dementia_Raven_Way https : //www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/1/My-Immortal (remove spaces where needed)
The same should also be said of the world in your story. A world that fits your protagonist's purposes too perfectly or breaks their own rules often is just going to make readers think that they don't have to take your story too seriously, and your world seems especially lacking in focus. I mean, space stations in medieval times? Seriously? Keep in mind, however, that there are instances where an absolutely ludicrous land can work in the story's favor (Adventure Time and Borderlands are a testament to that), but you should make sure that your characters can still fit the scene you want to make and vice versa. Essentially, how much nonsense you can get away with your story's world is dependent on what you want the atmosphere to be like. |
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MrStilts
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| Joined: 07 Nov 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3729 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 06:29 AM |
| oh wow did i waste a lot of time writing. i thought i'd still be the first reply-er when i was finished. |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 06:53 AM |
How sad. You replaced my positive feedback with neutral/negative. First of all, my writing maybe is still a problem to me in the sense for others to understand me, that mean, my main language is not english.
Second at all, 'Immortality' don't mean you can't die. In this case, mean that only can't die by age.
Third thing. If you didn't read the part where I'd wrote: '...the time goes faster, in terms of technology and evolution.' Is still a bit of my fault because I didn't said that in this story there's a material able to be use to imitate other materials and mostly anything with similar properties, even creatures. And also that in the war, most humans were killed and a few survived, joining to a faction. After that, the humans was not in charge after 25 years of war.
Maybe this will make you to understand better, but my story is still clear in my mind. The problem is that I don't write it complete, and beside I already RP in this whole scenario. (I find boring the same plot in typical RP's and what's bad about timeless stories?)
Anyway, you took your time to write that, I appreciate that. But right now, I prefer to hear some positive ideas, because I don't tell everything yet. Thanks anyway. |
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MrStilts
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| Joined: 07 Nov 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3729 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 07:01 AM |
| I... wasn't trying to be overall negative in my writing. I was just giving constructive criticism on writing reasonable characters and worlds. And your writing is still a bit hard to understand. I thought the story was taking place in the medieval period because nothing else indicated that it didn't. Sure, you wrote "the time goes faster, in terms of technology and evolution", but I assumed that meant technology and evolution went at a faster pace in the story than it did in the real world, not that time was passing. |
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| 22 Nov 2016 07:02 AM |
@Pink
Of course, you can come up with your own categories if you want. Classes are the various jobs a character can have, such as a techno-mage, electronic-blacksmith, net-knights, etc.
Equipment can be the various items and weapons that a class can choose. Generally speaking, you should limit a class to a certain number of items per type, so a single character can't just carry 1000 axes to battle. |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 07:28 AM |
-For MrStilts:
Well, the story was in the medieval time first, but we ended in the technological and space time. I still need to learn more about writing some specific topics but for now, I need to organize this. Sorry for assuming the things too quickly, is my first post and saying the things too directly make me assume that you are trying to force me to do it. Sorry.
-For Perambulation:
Thanks for your ideas, but for now, I'll see if I get some more feedback. I'll try to work in the structure for the main story. |
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MrStilts
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| Joined: 07 Nov 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3729 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 07:38 AM |
If your English is really so poor, I suggest you give Duolingo a try. It's a website that teaches people how to speak in different languages for free, including English. It's a really good service, and I think it would help prevent any further misunderstandings. https : //www.duolingo.com/ |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 07:51 AM |
| Don't start to assume incorrect things too, MrStilts. Just, a warning. |
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| 22 Nov 2016 08:13 AM |
| About a year and a half ago I used DuoLingo to learn some Irish and some Dutch for some reason (I think I chose those at random but I'm not sure) and I can testify to it's ability to teach language. I became inactive on Duo because I was getting busy with other school subjects and don't need to learn a language for my exams but I will revisit it in the future and I highly recommend it. |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 08:48 AM |
| Uh- Thanks for the suggestion of that, but that's not my main objective with this post. This is about the idea of the story that I made, and maybe becoming a RP game, not about my 'problem' with the english language. I need opinions about the RP practically. |
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| 22 Nov 2016 09:08 AM |
@Pink
If you need an example of a RP structure in this forum, check this out.
https://forum.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=189210152
It'll give you ideas as to how to organize the RP. We definitely need more RP threads in this drought of RPs. |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 10:04 AM |
| Thanks for your contribution, Perambulation. I already read it so I'll check another kind of structure. (Beside, why I feel like you're trying to advertise your post? Maybe is justmy thought.) |
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| 22 Nov 2016 10:46 AM |
| Nah, there's no need to advertise my RP, but I was just giving an example. I thought to use my latest thread, since my older ones were pretty bad. |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 10:58 AM |
| Well, I see that you are interesting in my idea or concept. Maybe you want to know more about? Or even RP one time...? I don't know but is up to you. |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 04:26 PM |
Eh, I'll add more details about the Earth... factions? Hm, I guess. Anyway...
Before the war of the 25 years; there was the 3 factions, which were involved in the conflict, their names are: 'The Hive', 'The Void' and 'The Blue Hive'. Each one of them have an unique leader, and only one until the respective leader decide to leave its position or by other circumstances, it cannot keep working on it. In that case, the leader should be replaced by someone of similar charge. Each faction has its own attributes which make them different from the others.
'The Hive' Faction is controlled by creatures made of a special material, called 'Biomass', a dark green mass able to morph in different organic and inorganic beings. From this material, by derivatives of it, were born the other factions' materials. This faction is the most oldest in comparison with the others. The dominant creatures of this faction have the aspect of most humanoid beings with exposed meat and bones, but some can transform in other creatures or imitate other organic beings. The creatures have high intelligence and are able to make complicated plans for some situations. Their territory is most in underground levels. Their main base is a set of tunnels and chambers underground, of aspect like flesh and bones. The underground base can generate flesh cords to transport units from one point on the surface, to another, through the ground. Inside the base, the creatures are created in some chambers of flesh. The base can defend itself, by using traps, closing zones or even consuming the intruders and turn them in Biomass. All the creatures of Biomass aren't, usually, weak against anything, but neither they're stronger against everything. They are average in those terms.
Although they could look 'nasty' and not so reliable, the leader of 'The Hive', its goal is to build peace among the humans, creatures and factions. They had to fight for their ideals in the war, bringing the end of it.
'The Void' Faction is the group of dark creatures, made of 'Dark Matter', a corrupted version of the Biomass of black color. The beings made of Dark Matter are able to blend with the darkness and feed from other people's minds, usually, emotions. Those who are more hostile decide to attack their preys and engulf their prey. Most creatures looks like completely black pitch color humanoid beings, able to hide in the shadows and also change their appearance in more terrifying beings if needed, but they attack in small groups or only at night. Their territory are on the surface, expanding in a dark zone, covered by shadows. The base of 'The Void' is a consumed castle by the Dark Matter and its creatures, which is totally obvious to identify because is a black color castle with small dark flames coming out of the structure. The dark creatures can only travel through surfaces when is daytime and are more weak against in open spaces with too much light. This limitations only work at day, because in night time, they dark creatures can blend with the darkness of the environment and travel fast through the air as dark blinding clouds.
The leader of 'The Void' is one wanting the destruction of other beings for their own survival, which includes all the other creatures, humans and factions. This reason is because they feed exclusively of emotions and minds, therefore, they must consume all the other beings possible and expand before their own extinction.
'The Blue Hive' Faction is a strange faction, which their units are able to mimic other creatures, but not very exactly. The material of this faction are the 'Blue Flesh', which are a strange mass of, exactly, blue flesh, pulsating and changing every time. Beings made of Blue Flesh usually are amorphous versions of other creatures of other factions. The main units looks like humanoid blue creatures with thin tentacles instead limbs and without a face. They move randomly around at different speeds, and can be, surprisingly, good at combat with spontaneous movements. Those beings don't seem to have a skeleton, so they're very flexible, able to stretch their limbs and bodies too, and still stand normally. Some of them are able to fly through the air without the need of wings, moving their bodies like they were swimming instead. Also, somehow, sometimes they can only walk on the air, upside down or on the walls. Their territory are lands covered by blue flesh, but strangely, their expansion is on random zones. Their main base is something similar to a castle made of Blue Flesh, but the castle itself change everyday, creating new rooms or zones, or destroying parts of the castle. The weakness of this creatures is also random, but can be learned when fighting them, and also to what they are stronger against. These creatures only can consume bodies to increase their amount of Blue Flesh, and also create new bodies or copy them from the original.
The leader of 'The Blue Hive', a mysterious being known by few, is the mastermind behind the puppets which are the creatures of 'The Blue Hive'. Its objectives are also unknown and almost never goes to outside the castle. Probably, is the only being with a mind among its other beings. It is always somewhere inside the castle.
Who is stronger against who? 'The Hive' can be corrupted by 'The Void'. 'The Blue Hive' can be restored by 'The Hive' and 'The Void' can be converted by 'The Blue Hive'. This is in general but not fully applicable to all the creatures (Which might be 'counters' of other creatures).
That's a lot of information... And that was before the war and also when was happening, actually... Anyway. That's the concept of the main factions before the war, and that's all for now. Maybe some questions or opinions may help me to organize this stuff. |
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evilboo10
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| Joined: 20 Sep 2011 |
| Total Posts: 14298 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 05:02 PM |
| I really like this idea. Its an interesting RP concept that I think has a lot of story and character potential. I'm no longer a RPer here, but good luck with this if you decide to make it! |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 05:09 PM |
| Oh, thanks. Actually, it already have a lot of characters in the post-war, which is also a more modern time (Really, really a new technological time). I'm already RPlaying with someone else but I think this whole idea can become in something even better. I just need the right people... Anyway, thanks. |
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| 22 Nov 2016 05:49 PM |
| @ Pink He's right, try visiting the website. |
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| 22 Nov 2016 06:06 PM |
everyone steps out of the town, and sees a type of light in the distance
it gets closer and closer, until it is revealed to be a non-horse trailer with wheels, the sound coming from it is not the typical rolling sounds but a loud errrrrr sound.
it is revealed that the people of the town were asleep for decades, no sign of decaying but the town was overgrown, the "trailer" is revealed to be a car, it turns and someone comes out saying "who are you guys?"
AsiimovWolf >3< R$200 |
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PinkFlora
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| Joined: 09 Dec 2013 |
| Total Posts: 36 |
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| 22 Nov 2016 06:18 PM |
| I want feedback related to the concept of my RP story... Not. About. My. Writing. |
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