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Re: Ugh, I can't come up with a good intro sentence for my book

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Aveeo is not online. Aveeo
Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 26934
15 Oct 2016 10:42 PM
I want to write a novel about a Mars colony. I'm trying to describe the sunrise in my introduction sentence, but when I type it out and reread it, it looks awkward.

If I can just get the first paragraph out of my head and onto paper, everything else should go fairly smoothly.


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Noob3713 is online. Noob3713
Joined: 27 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 4079
15 Oct 2016 10:44 PM
"i'm f*****"
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crauda is not online. crauda
Joined: 10 Oct 2016
Total Posts: 5260
15 Oct 2016 10:46 PM
"The sunrise made my hormones burst... I've never seen anything like it here on Zidexia, Mars. What a gem of a sight..."


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bwws is not online. bwws
Joined: 19 Apr 2009
Total Posts: 303
15 Oct 2016 10:48 PM
Hmmm.

"So there I was... And there was the sunrise..."

"Things were suddenly un-dark..."

"I seent da lite..."

"The Earth finally stopped mooning me..."

One of those ought to work just fine.

You're welcome.


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RedWheelbarrow is not online. RedWheelbarrow
Joined: 29 Sep 2016
Total Posts: 647
15 Oct 2016 10:48 PM
Scripts > Books
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Aveeo is not online. Aveeo
Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 26934
15 Oct 2016 10:53 PM
Okay, I finally got the first two sentences done.

"The sun rose over the horizon, illuminating the Martian landscape. Light reflected off the metallic walls of the habitats of the colony, making them appear as diamonds in the sand."


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RedWheelbarrow is not online. RedWheelbarrow
Joined: 29 Sep 2016
Total Posts: 647
15 Oct 2016 10:55 PM
What is the book about?
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Aveeo is not online. Aveeo
Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 26934
15 Oct 2016 10:58 PM
"What is the book about?"

A Mars colony, taking place around the time when a Mars colony might become fairly self-sufficient (children being born and raised there, necessities able to be produced, etc.).

IDK what kind of conflict might take place (perhaps some kind of food shortage, life support beginning to fail, IDK).


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AnneMontrose is not online. AnneMontrose
Joined: 24 Dec 2015
Total Posts: 24
15 Oct 2016 11:00 PM
i thought if babies were born there, they'd be like 6 feet tall due to low gravity..
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sc4rydev is not online. sc4rydev
Joined: 06 Nov 2015
Total Posts: 421
15 Oct 2016 11:01 PM
"everyday I want to die, let's make today the last"


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Aveeo is not online. Aveeo
Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 26934
15 Oct 2016 11:04 PM
@Anne

I'm going to research how the low gravity might affect children there (I think NASA has some articles on their theories on that and such).

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iamjonroncinabon is not online. iamjonroncinabon
Joined: 10 May 2011
Total Posts: 9032
15 Oct 2016 11:05 PM
Opening sentences and titles are the hardest parts of writing.

Noot-noot
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Aveeo is not online. Aveeo
Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 26934
15 Oct 2016 11:07 PM
@iam

I have the title. I'm calling it "The Big Red Marble." Probably cheesy, and it might change, but it's what I've got.

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RedWheelbarrow is not online. RedWheelbarrow
Joined: 29 Sep 2016
Total Posts: 647
15 Oct 2016 11:11 PM
Change it to "Red Marble".
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Aveeo is not online. Aveeo
Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 26934
15 Oct 2016 11:11 PM
@Red

No offense, but that is probably worse than the one I already have.

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iamjonroncinabon is not online. iamjonroncinabon
Joined: 10 May 2011
Total Posts: 9032
15 Oct 2016 11:13 PM
What about
"The Fourteenth Colony"

Noot-noot
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sherlockedholmes is not online. sherlockedholmes
Joined: 03 Feb 2014
Total Posts: 11884
15 Oct 2016 11:13 PM
you should name it dune
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Aveeo is not online. Aveeo
Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 26934
15 Oct 2016 11:15 PM
@iam

That could work

I was also thinking of making this the beginning of a series.

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budderfishman007 is not online. budderfishman007
Joined: 12 Mar 2014
Total Posts: 19751
15 Oct 2016 11:16 PM
"IDK what kind of conflict might take place (perhaps some kind of food shortage, life support beginning to fail, IDK)."

Aliens

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Aveeo is not online. Aveeo
Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 26934
15 Oct 2016 11:16 PM
@sher

Isn't there already a series called Dune?

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sherlockedholmes is not online. sherlockedholmes
Joined: 03 Feb 2014
Total Posts: 11884
15 Oct 2016 11:18 PM
exactly
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RedWheelbarrow is not online. RedWheelbarrow
Joined: 29 Sep 2016
Total Posts: 647
15 Oct 2016 11:19 PM
That title sounds worse than Red Marble plus it wouldnt be a "fourteenth colony" because the 14th colony was the lost colony, known as Roanoke
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Aveeo is not online. Aveeo
Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 26934
15 Oct 2016 11:20 PM
Okay, fine. The 15th Colony. Happy?

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RedWheelbarrow is not online. RedWheelbarrow
Joined: 29 Sep 2016
Total Posts: 647
15 Oct 2016 11:21 PM
Still sounds bad tbh.
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Epicbeans42 is not online. Epicbeans42
Joined: 02 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 21
15 Oct 2016 11:22 PM
I'm making a sci-fi book on the website storybird.
the name is called "House is Falling"
The usrnm is Ostaros32.
It's kinda cheesy but I'll work on it and try to finish by dec 25 2016.
Also, I think you could use storybird to make it as a few artists on there cater to sci-fi and fantasy topics. it is totally possible to make the entire bee movie script.




THEN WHO WAS PHONE??????
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