Mogyuun
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| Joined: 01 May 2016 |
| Total Posts: 1053 |
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| 29 Sep 2016 09:05 AM |
our english teacher wanted us to write about a superhero and i was like " NAAAAAH but ok ill do it" its probably really poorly written but they will take anything lol
"My super hero’s name is Hana Nāsu(花 ナース).They were born on a village in an unknown area in America during 2000. The area they live in is very large, tropical, but feels like winter every month. They are currently 16 years old and They have the power to heal with the palm of their hand.Their skin is pale & their hair color is Crimson Red. They love to listen to various Punk Rock songs and are very forgiving and will try to help in various situations. A challenge that occurs with their healing palm is that it’s always activated, so people can easily take advantage of this special ability (Such as robbers and other bad people.) " please roast me or give constructive criticism on what i can do to fix it |
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fellex
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| Joined: 27 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 16686 |
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| 29 Sep 2016 09:07 AM |
Some periods lack following spaces
& idk if that is acceptable in writing ive never used it
the period at the end follows the ).
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| 29 Sep 2016 09:12 AM |
| Well you probably dont like it because superheros are overrated. I always cringe at a superhero story. |
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Mogyuun
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| Joined: 01 May 2016 |
| Total Posts: 1053 |
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| 29 Sep 2016 01:00 PM |
yeah that's probably why, i was hoping they'd give us more room for originality but you can't get that original with superheroes / super powers since either all of them have been used by dc / marvel or are just unoriginal hell i think i got the "heal" thing from steven universe lol |
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Sk0las
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| Joined: 26 May 2012 |
| Total Posts: 12132 |
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| 29 Sep 2016 01:08 PM |
you need to overuse comma's theres 5 where you could've just put "and" example " A challenge that occurs with their healing palm is that it’s always activated, so " instead of the comma just could've gone with and " A challenge that occurs with their healing palm is that it’s always activated and so "
STAT TRAK™ witty joke |
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| 29 Sep 2016 01:29 PM |
| Capital letters for they when it is in the middle of a sentence. |
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| 29 Sep 2016 01:41 PM |
| is this what united states of america is becoming? im dissapoint |
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