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Re: anyone wanna proofread this

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Mogyuun is not online. Mogyuun
Joined: 01 May 2016
Total Posts: 1053
29 Sep 2016 09:05 AM
our english teacher wanted us to write about a superhero and i was like " NAAAAAH but ok ill do it" its probably really poorly written but they will take anything lol


"My super hero’s name is Hana Nāsu(花 ナース).They were born on a village in an unknown area in America during 2000. The area they live in is very large, tropical, but feels like winter every month. They are currently 16 years old and They have the power to heal with the palm of their hand.Their skin is pale & their hair color is Crimson Red. They love to listen to various Punk Rock songs and are very forgiving and will try to help in various situations. A challenge that occurs with their healing palm is that it’s always activated, so people can easily take advantage of this special ability (Such as robbers and other bad people.)
"
please roast me or give constructive criticism on what i can do to fix it
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fellex is not online. fellex
Joined: 27 May 2008
Total Posts: 16686
29 Sep 2016 09:07 AM
Some periods lack following spaces

& idk if that is acceptable in writing ive never used it

the period at the end follows the ).


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Divine_Judgment is not online. Divine_Judgment
Joined: 22 Jun 2016
Total Posts: 3319
29 Sep 2016 09:12 AM
Well you probably dont like it because superheros are overrated. I always cringe at a superhero story.
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Mogyuun is not online. Mogyuun
Joined: 01 May 2016
Total Posts: 1053
29 Sep 2016 01:00 PM
yeah that's probably why, i was hoping they'd give us more room for originality but you can't get that original with superheroes / super powers since either all of them have been used by dc / marvel or are just unoriginal
hell i think i got the "heal" thing from steven universe lol
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Sk0las is not online. Sk0las
Joined: 26 May 2012
Total Posts: 12132
29 Sep 2016 01:08 PM
you need to overuse comma's
theres 5 where you could've just put "and"
example
" A challenge that occurs with their healing palm is that it’s always activated, so "
instead of the comma just could've gone with and
" A challenge that occurs with their healing palm is that it’s always activated and so "


STAT TRAK™ witty joke
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TurtleAndLion is not online. TurtleAndLion
Joined: 01 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 4248
29 Sep 2016 01:24 PM
10/10
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JellyandSocks is not online. JellyandSocks
Joined: 17 Jul 2016
Total Posts: 852
29 Sep 2016 01:29 PM
Capital letters for they when it is in the middle of a sentence.
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hatakeline is not online. hatakeline
Joined: 02 May 2010
Total Posts: 680
29 Sep 2016 01:41 PM
is this what united states of america is becoming? im dissapoint
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