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Re: Fatherland: Chapter I [Awakening]

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Kanadi is not online. Kanadi
Joined: 02 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 3075
31 Aug 2016 03:09 PM
[THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY BASED ON SLEET CLAN, HOPING I DON'T FALL PREY TO THE FILTER]

The story of the beginning of the great nation of Sylvia began in the city of Vektiv Covalen on the planet of Celvinel. The systems surrounding the planet, including it's own system, Sorcob III, were home to hundreds of smugglers, gangsters, infamous crimelords and their families. Not only was it a dangerous place to live in, but with no central governmental authority and no longer a force to keep the people safe, the people turned to the crimelords of their individual districts to keep them safe.

There was a question as to if the events before had been better. Over half of the systems were ruled over by the Civil Central Authority, the CCA, which was founded by Verick Kovela, a wise and just man who sought to rid the galaxy of corruption and injustice. After his death, the CCA itself fell prey to what it had sought to destroy. Kovela was succeeded by Niveliv Ertey, the CCA's Director of Intelligence after the mysterious death of Kovela's son, Bertik. It was believed Ertey had arranged the 'accidental' death of Bertik Kovela in order to become the sole leader of the CCA.

The CCA turned it's back on the people it ruled, as it slowly turned from a democratic order into a dictatorship. Ertey formed the infamous Stechki, the Secret Police of the CCA which was Ertey's eye over the public. Millions were sent to death camps in the outskirts of Vektiv Covalen or all over the many planets the CCA ruled. Many never returned.

Yet, there were some who called for the CCA to again become what it had began as; a force for good and justice. These band of daring men were lead by Senator Kaethyr Avedava, a native of Sylvia. They openly spoke against the many crimes of Ertey's dictatorship and called for his removal and the reformation of the CCA. When such changes never came, millions rallied to the cause of Avedava, beginning what was called the Sylvian Confederation, named after the capital planet, Sylvia. Avedava was made the Supreme Leader of the Confederation and with millions of men ready to fight against the CCA, mobilised his forces in preparation for an invasion.

The CCA held against the attacks of the Confederation for over 2 years until they met face to face at the capital city of Vektiv Covalen on the planet Celvinel. The Confederation's forces were lead by General Haegyi Shizel. The Confederation now relied on him to deliver the final blow against the CCA - but Shizel had been, in fact, a CCA sleeper agent. With a 2 million strong army, he ordered the invasion of Sylvia with a lie spread to his troops: that ####### had betrayed the Confederation and was planning to #### ### his entire leadership and stand down the entire Confederation for a colossal sum of money. The lies reached the ears of the Sylvian Council and the people, causing massive panic. The 2 million strong army, thinking it was fighting for the good of the Confederation, marched into the capital city of Jicelhik and forced Avidava out from the Sylvian Palace. Avidava was secretly transported to Vektiv Covalen in chains. He was secretly executed by the CCA's Secret Police after gruelsome torture.

General Shizel was made the leader of the Confederation. He ordered the entire Confederation to stand down as the CCA regained so-called control over the planets which had united against them. The CCA's Secret Police arrested millions of people, including the Sylvian Council and their families. All were either executed by firing squad or sent to death camps.

But the wounds the Confederation had made on the CCA were too great and the entire CCA collapsed. The entire galaxy no longer had an authority or a government to rely on. Now, they could only rely on themselves.

Amazingly, the son of Avidava had escaped the chaos and confusion. When the CCA collapsed, he made his way to the ruins of the city of Dekrev (which had been destroyed by the CCA) with his loyal bodyguard, Noveri Kauil and a band of loyal Confederation soldiers who knew the truth behind Avidava and the Confederation.

The man's name was Signor Avidava and he knew the traitors and liars were still living freely and that the people of the galaxy were no longer truly safe and secure. He knew he had to act fast. Laying the foundations for a new nation among the rubble and ruins of Dekrev, the son of a great man was the only hope for the galaxy... And so the story of the reborn nation of Sylvia began.

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Kanadi is not online. Kanadi
Joined: 02 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 3075
31 Aug 2016 03:15 PM
give me some feeedback yo


Kanadi | "One for me, all for me!"
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cooldude8532 is not online. cooldude8532
Joined: 01 Jan 2016
Total Posts: 538
31 Aug 2016 04:05 PM
Why not use the names of people in Sleet Clan :/
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MoistCluckerDuck is not online. MoistCluckerDuck
Joined: 08 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 621
31 Aug 2016 04:12 PM
It would be weird to have people with names like: 2pacshakur12
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cooldude8532 is not online. cooldude8532
Joined: 01 Jan 2016
Total Posts: 538
31 Aug 2016 04:17 PM
True
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Blokois is not online. Blokois
Joined: 26 Aug 2016
Total Posts: 45
31 Aug 2016 04:37 PM
edgty8


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sleetischeat is not online. sleetischeat
Joined: 28 Jul 2016
Total Posts: 102
31 Aug 2016 04:56 PM
SLEET IS CHEAT


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Kanadi is not online. Kanadi
Joined: 02 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 3075
31 Aug 2016 05:36 PM
and you are annoying


Kanadi | "One for me, all for me!"
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PuppetApprentice is not online. PuppetApprentice
Joined: 26 Mar 2008
Total Posts: 2143
31 Aug 2016 06:11 PM
You clearly put a lot of thought into this and the writing style is really great.

The plot seems a little confusing though, maybe try not to throw so much at us at once.


Not sorry, not sorry, not sorry, I'm not sorry!
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Kanadi is not online. Kanadi
Joined: 02 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 3075
31 Aug 2016 06:13 PM
OK thanks Destin


Kanadi | "One for me, all for me!"
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