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Re: My first machinima | Bank robbery

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iHexon is not online. iHexon
Joined: 26 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 295
31 Jul 2016 03:39 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MH_tOZsMKHw

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS MY FIRST MACHINIMA - IT MAY NOT BE THE BEST!

I am open for constructive criticism though! Let me know what you've thought of this machinima, and let me know how I can improve. :)
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puffalo893 is not online. puffalo893
Joined: 02 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 5
31 Jul 2016 03:48 AM
Way better than anything I made
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iHexon is not online. iHexon
Joined: 26 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 295
31 Jul 2016 03:50 AM
@puffalo893 Thanks I guess! Haha
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Notive is not online. Notive
Joined: 05 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 3122
31 Jul 2016 07:41 AM
hmm looks like jiruchi's captain underpants and the bloxxy entry supernoob

hmm


immature video maker
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Screaky is not online. Screaky
Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 4829
31 Jul 2016 08:56 AM
It's good.
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605EL is not online. 605EL
Joined: 21 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 64
31 Jul 2016 02:58 PM
I've seen a lot of animations in my 5 years on roblox.


And to be honest, way better and original than half the crap ever. Just that, try installing new fonts.


Signed, Prime Minister Stikarz.
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BossLaw is not online. BossLaw
Joined: 28 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 5383
31 Jul 2016 03:28 PM
i like it


https://www.youtube.com/c/bosslawrblx
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ZombiePlaysRBLX is not online. ZombiePlaysRBLX
Joined: 09 Jun 2015
Total Posts: 32
31 Jul 2016 05:03 PM
Cool
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BloodSpilled is not online. BloodSpilled
Joined: 18 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1843
31 Jul 2016 05:15 PM
Script writing is pretty awful, you should really work on more realistic conversations.
Make things more realistic in general. There was just so much that didn't make any sense. Think if this was an actual scenario, would they be able to just jump out a window next to a bunch of cops and some how land in a car and drive away without anyone noticing? Why would they kill the hostages? Why would the robber care if the alarm is going off? How would that make them want to hurry? The cops are already there. Police and Detectives are two different jobs. Why the hell would they come back to the scene of the crime, there is no need for them to so why make it a plot point
(unless there is a reason for them to go back, in which case you should expand upon that story line)
This is my feedback. It wasn't really in order, just a mess of my thoughts and opinions.
I appreciate you trying to make a machinima, and it could be a hell of a lot worse for your first one. Keep trying and I think you'll get a lot better.
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iHexon is not online. iHexon
Joined: 26 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 295
31 Jul 2016 05:49 PM
@Notive Lol, I was inspired by the supernoob machinima to make this one but as you can tell, my machinima is kinda different than supernoob. :P

@BloodSpilled Thanks for your feedback, I'll try to work on that in my next machinima. :)


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epikrika8332 is not online. epikrika8332
Joined: 26 May 2011
Total Posts: 28734
31 Jul 2016 06:05 PM
tips:
1. you really need to improve your dialog. everything just felt so forced and awkward. try to imagine how a particular conversation would play out in the real world, and incorporate that into the script to make it more believable

2. give the set more life. maybe add trees, other buildings, or just some sort of sign of other life in the area. it's hard not to think of your set as just an empty baseplate with a few free models.

3. use stopmotion. even if it's just a basic movement, it's better than watching a slideshow for a few minutes. stopmotion may seem difficult, but it's really not that hard. it requires a lot of patience, but if you really want to make your videos look good then it's worth it.

4. don't use subtitles. subtitles are extremely outdated and haven't been used for any good machinima in years. throw in some voice acting, and if your voice is too "squeaky", then hire other people. if you don't have other people, then use text to speech as a last resort until you can find good actors. text to speech may be bad, but it's certainly better than text on a screen.


[rika.]
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iHexon is not online. iHexon
Joined: 26 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 295
31 Jul 2016 07:01 PM
@epik Thanks for your feedback! In my next machinima, I will add more scenery to the set, but I don't think it matter if I use free models for a MACHINIMA. It's not like it's a game :P I will try and add more movements next time, too, and I am actually in search of voice actors right now. :)


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BloodSpilled is not online. BloodSpilled
Joined: 18 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1843
31 Jul 2016 07:55 PM
I don't think he said anything was wrong with using free models, I think he was telling you to add more of models to make the set look like and actual place more than just a building and an empty baseplate
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OptimizedPrime is not online. OptimizedPrime
Joined: 10 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 15261
31 Jul 2016 07:59 PM
"okay let's go- off the baseplate!"
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epikrika8332 is not online. epikrika8332
Joined: 26 May 2011
Total Posts: 28734
01 Aug 2016 06:40 PM
@ihexon, i'm not saying it's bad to use free models for a video set. i'm just saying you shouldn't make it so empty


[rika.]
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Unchanging is not online. Unchanging
Joined: 27 Oct 2013
Total Posts: 277
01 Aug 2016 06:43 PM
The main thing I saw wrong, was the font. Other than that just try and work on making your conversations have a little more life to them.


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iHexon is not online. iHexon
Joined: 26 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 295
01 Aug 2016 06:50 PM
Font will change next time.
There will be more life to the set next time.
Conversations will be more realistic next time.
I will actually >record< my machinima next time, with movement, other than screenshots.

I'm working on one right now, and thanks to everyone's input on how I can improve, this machinima is looking great!!!
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PlainStupidness is not online. PlainStupidness
Joined: 07 Apr 2016
Total Posts: 1504
01 Aug 2016 10:49 PM
I rate dis 10/10 ign man




dis so good
im not even joking i will never be able to do dis
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