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Re: The Talk, with DeputyBurrito (Extended Version!)
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| 09 Jul 2016 09:35 PM |
Yes, it's finally here!
Hello people of ROBLOXia, I am DeputyBurrito here to bring you one of the best newspapers you will ever read in your entire fricking life. So first of all, I was eating at Chuck E Cheeses, just chilling with my friends. All of a sudden, this guy comes up to me. He was like, "Yo, you DeputyBurrito?" I said, "Yeah, what's up." He told me that I pulled over his wife for no reason. I responded with, "Your wife was illegally driving 57 miles per hour on a 55 miles per hour highway. I will take you guys to court if you try to argue with me." The man left. Just, left! I couldn't take it anymore. I followed him home, and he stopped at his house. When he got out of his car, he ignored me. Not even an apology! I wrote a ticket and placed it firmly to the hood of his car, and being the nice man I am, wrote it for $380,000. He is now in federal prison due to the inability to pay the fine. Pathetic, right? So earlier today, I was showing my wife my sword collection. She was disappointed in me, so I decided to divorce her. Don't worry, pals! She was worthless anyways! Later on, I brought one of my swords to the top of an active volcano, dipped it in some of the molten lava, and created my own fire sword! I then used those swords to make YouTube videos of me slicing them in half then giving them to other people. I'm sure they are enjoying them right now. Thanks to my lovely ex-wife! Today on ROBLOX, I realized that my robux amount was low. I thought that was odd, since I have over 100,000,000 fans! I then looked, and saw someone MOCKING me! Me, out of everyone! I quickly reported him, and he didn't get banned! He then made everyone hate me and now I have no robux! So yesterday, while I was playing Pilgrims Island Reborn, I said the word "furry" and was banned. Weird, huh? I agree! Alright but in all seriousness to anyone who is still reading this, I am in one of these war clans, and the owner literally asked me to recreate this entire island for no payment at all. I still haven't finished the map. Today when I was shopping, this little 63 year old man walked up to me and kicked me in the shins. I was so mad. I reported him to myself, then arrested him for eight years. Thank you, DeputyBurrito, for saving the day once again! Yeah, this is a pretty nice newspaper, I agree! So yesterday, I was done watching my daily 51 cringe compilations, and this guy comes up to me. He says, "Hey dude, I don't like your attitude." I then told him that my attitude is mine to please and that he can shove it. He then tried to pick a fight with me, but being the strong man I am, I easily beat him. He then ran crying home. I laughed! What a weird day this was! So to anyone who is reading this up to this point, I congratulate you with the Sorry Award. This award is given to everyone as an apology for wasting all this time of your day. Wow, what a night this has been! So today while I was riding in my gold-plated helicopter, the pilot started to act weird. I had allowed him to watch anime for the past 21 hours, and he suddenly fell the the floor. His eyes were all black. I think the anime virus had got to him. He suddenly rose off of the floor, staring straight at me. His mouth was dripping with slobber. He suddenly broke into a sprint, pinning me to the ground, trying to devour my uninfected face. The helicopter was stalling now, collapsing over 200 feet in the air. I had to get out of here fast. I strangled to let loose of his grasp, but it just became tighter and tigher. I realized I had a parachute attached to my back at the moment, so I deployed it, and he flew off of the heli with me on impact. He was holding on to my leg, and just as he was about to clasp on to it with his teeth, I kicked him with my other leg. I was now safe, but from above, I saw him moving toward the city. I fell to the ground very hardly, but still stayed alive from the impact. The parachute had collapsed on me, and I struggled to find my way out from the giant balloon. I finally found a way, and was immediately shocked when I saw multiple of the infected on the beach I laid. I quickly ran through the forest. I stopped. The expression on my face was under the reaction I felt under my skin. The entire city had been destroyed, and attack helicopters were flying from above the vast buildings. I limped across the landscape, suddenly collapsing on the uneven surface. I had almost given up. Long story short, I found my way into one of the buildings, and here I am now with this typewriter! Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much. Hey guys, I am back again with some juicy memes. So today, I woke up, and saw various amounts of anime zombies. One of them was wearing a Cory in The House shirt. I was surprised! Well, semi-surprised, as I was expecting some of them to wear anime themed shirts. I threw a trash can at him, and he crawled in it. I haven't seen him since. I am currently camping under a back alleyway between to industrial buildings. I saw a man earlier today, named Hyperthetic. When he told me his name, I decided to come with him. He showed me his setup between these buildings. It's actually quite nice, as he keeps many poop joke books in his bag! We survive off of those and a huge dumpster of hotdogs we found earlier. We are living life! So earlier today, we were walking down the city, and we saw a huge plane crash into 3 buildings! The buildings collapsed about 100 yards away from us, killing everyone inside. When we went over there to check it out, it was flooded with weeaboos! We started to run for our lives, as we knew this was going to be the end of us. The weeaboos were too fast, and they cornered us at a cliff. Just as we thought we were going to die, my leg slipped off the cliff, toppling Hyper with me. The impact of the ground was rough, but it was worth it when we looked up to see the weeaboos limping the other way. When we made our way up the cliff again, we walked around the city, finding our future campsite we are at right now, and a dumpster of those delicious hot dogs! We hit the jackpot. I brought the typewriter with me, so we could have a little chat once more! So anyways, I had a flashback to when I was 8 years old. A man told me to go heck off, so I kicked him in his butt and he ran off! Funny, right? I know right! Yeah. Oh dang, Hyper just found something. A dead mole rat! We are currently cooking it over the campfire. What a delicious meal we just ate! I love eating dead mole rats, if you couldn't tell. So guys, my brother and I a couple months ago found a small hut in the woods. We told our friends about it, and then we were dragged off by some general guy! I remember, he put us in his hut, polished our fingernails, gave us free auto insurance, then let us free! I still have some red nail polish on my fingers, as I was eating it earlier. I love the taste of fresh nail polish! So guys, earlier this year, I saw JACOB SARTORIUS with uhmraegen! I then pushed them off of a cliff and Hyper and I kept walking. Earlier today, I encountered this pomeranian, who told me that I was cool. I thanked her, then took her with me. In fact, she is right by me right now, playing on her DS! So guys, I downloaded a game on my watch, called patterns. It's where you have to mimic the pattern that pops up on your screen! Very original and fun, right? I played that game for hours, before I finally gave up on pattern 121. I know, it's not much, but it was good for me! Hyper and I earlier today were forced into a sewer system by a crazy bald man. The place was full of weeaboos! We were scared to death, but we started shouting that they were Japanese wannabees and they started to scream and run away. We quickly crawled out of the sewer grate, and never saw the crazy bald man again. Thank God! Then all that stuff happened about the cliff and zombies, you know the deal. Oh no, it has started raining! Sorry guys, but this newspaper is going to have to stop for now, as the ink starts to smudge after it gets wet! Bye guys, and God bless all of you! Muah, muah! Bye guys!
We will be back tomorrow, with an extra long newspaper! Be sure to buy it!
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| 09 Jul 2016 09:36 PM |
| wait what why am i in this |
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13enidol
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| Joined: 07 Aug 2012 |
| Total Posts: 15081 |
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| 09 Jul 2016 09:36 PM |
| and why did you mention the mole rat, we agreed not to tell anyone |
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| 09 Jul 2016 09:37 PM |
| This needs double line spacing |
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| 09 Jul 2016 09:39 PM |
Sorry Hyper, I had to keep the people entertained!
Hello people of ROBLOXia, I am DeputyBurrito here to bring you one of the best
newspapers you will ever read in your entire fricking life. So first of all, I was
eating at Chuck E Cheeses, just chilling with my friends. All of a sudden, this guy
comes up to me. He was like, "Yo, you DeputyBurrito?" I said, "Yeah, what's up." He told
me that I pulled over his wife for no reason. I responded with, "Your wife was
illegally driving 57 miles per hour on a 55 miles per hour highway. I will take you guys
to court if you try to argue with me." The man left. Just, left! I couldn't take it
anymore. I followed him home, and he stopped at his house. When he got out of his car,
he ignored me. Not even an apology! I wrote a ticket and placed it firmly to the hood of
his car, and being the nice man I am, wrote it for $380,000. He is now in federal prison
due to the inability to pay the fine. Pathetic, right? So earlier today, I was showing
my wife my sword collection. She was disappointed in me, so I decided to divorce her.
Don't worry, pals! She was worthless anyways! Later on, I brought one of my swords to
the top of an active volcano, dipped it in some of the molten lava, and created my own
fire sword! I then used those swords to make YouTube videos of me slicing them in half
then giving them to other people. I'm sure they are enjoying them right now. Thanks to
my lovely ex-wife! Today on ROBLOX, I realized that my robux amount was low. I thought
that was odd, since I have over 100,000,000 fans! I then looked, and saw someone MOCKING
me! Me, out of everyone! I quickly reported him, and he didn't get banned! He then made
everyone hate me and now I have no robux! So yesterday, while I was playing Pilgrims
Island Reborn, I said the word "furry" and was banned. Weird, huh? I agree! Alright but
in all seriousness to anyone who is still reading this, I am in one of these war clans,
and the owner literally asked me to recreate this entire island for no payment at all. I
still haven't finished the map. Today when I was shopping, this little 63 year old man
walked up to me and kicked me in the shins. I was so mad. I reported him to myself, then
arrested him for eight years. Thank you, DeputyBurrito, for saving the day once again!
Yeah, this is a pretty nice newspaper, I agree! So yesterday, I was done watching my
daily 51 cringe compilations, and this guy comes up to me. He says, "Hey dude, I don't
like your attitude." I then told him that my attitude is mine to please and that he can
shove it. He then tried to pick a fight with me, but being the strong man I am, I easily
beat him. He then ran crying home. I laughed! What a weird day this was! So to anyone
who is reading this up to this point, I congratulate you with the Sorry Award. This
award is given to everyone as an apology for wasting all this time of your day. Wow,
what a night this has been! So today while I was riding in my gold-plated helicopter,
the pilot started to act weird. I had allowed him to watch anime for the past 21 hours,
and he suddenly fell the the floor. His eyes were all black. I think the anime virus had
got to him. He suddenly rose off of the floor, staring straight at me. His mouth was
dripping with slobber. He suddenly broke into a sprint, pinning me to the ground, trying
to devour my uninfected face. The helicopter was stalling now, collapsing over 200 feet
in the air. I had to get out of here fast. I strangled to let loose of his grasp, but it
just became tighter and tigher. I realized I had a parachute attached to my back at the
moment, so I deployed it, and he flew off of the heli with me on impact. He was holding
on to my leg, and just as he was about to clasp on to it with his teeth, I kicked him
with my other leg. I was now safe, but from above, I saw him moving toward the city. I
fell to the ground very hardly, but still stayed alive from the impact. The parachute
had collapsed on me, and I struggled to find my way out from the giant balloon. I
finally found a way, and was immediately shocked when I saw multiple of the infected on
the beach I laid. I quickly ran through the forest. I stopped. The expression on my face
was under the reaction I felt under my skin. The entire city had been destroyed, and
attack helicopters were flying from above the vast buildings. I limped across the
landscape, suddenly collapsing on the uneven surface. I had almost given up. Long story
short, I found my way into one of the buildings, and here I am now with this typewriter!
Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much. Hey guys, I am back again with some juicy
memes. So today, I woke up, and saw various amounts of anime zombies. One of them was
wearing a Cory in The House shirt. I was surprised! Well, semi-surprised, as I was
expecting some of them to wear anime themed shirts. I threw a trash can at him, and he
crawled in it. I haven't seen him since. I am currently camping under a back alleyway
between to industrial buildings. I saw a man earlier today, named Hyperthetic. When he
told me his name, I decided to come with him. He showed me his setup between these
buildings. It's actually quite nice, as he keeps many poop joke books in his bag! We
survive off of those and a huge dumpster of hotdogs we found earlier. We are living
life! So earlier today, we were walking down the city, and we saw a huge plane crash
into 3 buildings! The buildings collapsed about 100 yards away from us, killing everyone
inside. When we went over there to check it out, it was flooded with weeaboos! We
started to run for our lives, as we knew this was going to be the end of us. The
weeaboos were too fast, and they cornered us at a cliff. Just as we thought we were
going to die, my leg slipped off the cliff, toppling Hyper with me. The impact of the
ground was rough, but it was worth it when we looked up to see the weeaboos limping the
other way. When we made our way up the cliff again, we walked around the city, finding
our future campsite we are at right now, and a dumpster of those delicious hot dogs! We
hit the jackpot. I brought the typewriter with me, so we could have a little chat once
more! So anyways, I had a flashback to when I was 8 years old. A man told me to go heck
off, so I kicked him in his butt and he ran off! Funny, right? I know right! Yeah. Oh
dang, Hyper just found something. A dead mole rat! We are currently cooking it over the
campfire. What a delicious meal we just ate! I love eating dead mole rats, if you
couldn't tell. So guys, my brother and I a couple months ago found a small hut in the
woods. We told our friends about it, and then we were dragged off by some general guy! I
remember, he put us in his hut, polished our fingernails, gave us free auto insurance,
then let us free! I still have some red nail polish on my fingers, as I was eating it
earlier. I love the taste of fresh nail polish! So guys, earlier this year, I saw JACOB
SARTORIUS with uhmraegen! I then pushed them off of a cliff and Hyper and I kept
walking. Earlier today, I encountered this pomeranian, who told me that I was cool. I
thanked her, then took her with me. In fact, she is right by me right now, playing on
her DS! So guys, I downloaded a game on my watch, called patterns. It's where you have
to mimic the pattern that pops up on your screen! Very original and fun, right? I played
that game for hours, before I finally gave up on pattern 121. I know, it's not much, but
it was good for me! Hyper and I earlier today were forced into a sewer system by a crazy
bald man. The place was full of weeaboos! We were scared to death, but we started
shouting that they were Japanese wannabees and they started to scream and run away. We
quickly crawled out of the sewer grate, and never saw the crazy bald man again. Thank
God! Then all that stuff happened about the cliff and zombies, you know the deal. Oh no,
it has started raining! Sorry guys, but this newspaper is going to have to stop for now,
as the ink starts to smudge after it gets wet! Bye guys, and God bless all of you! Muah,
muah! Bye guys!
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coke2011
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| Joined: 25 Jul 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1689 |
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| 01 Aug 2016 08:49 AM |
I watch animes
and u hate animes
unsub |
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| 01 Aug 2016 08:49 AM |
could you say that again, sonny? im hard of hearing and if youre a dear you could triple line that
WOA LOOK AT THIS https://www.roblox.com/--item?id=450930233 | @lwfmnb |
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| 01 Aug 2016 08:51 AM |
Alas, DeputyBurrito was last seen a month ago. Many say he is dead, but others... They say he has possessed a horse's body and has been there ever since.
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