dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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| 27 Jun 2016 11:33 AM |
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species1. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Greens are set aside in a Brandy Snifter, both in homage to rockers of old2, and for small amounts of self indulgence3 as the championship is underway.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
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Aveeo
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| Joined: 28 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 26934 |
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| 27 Jun 2016 11:34 AM |
This is my favorite copypasta
Respect the science! |
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| 27 Jun 2016 11:35 AM |
| I'm going to do this every time I get m&ms |
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xdudesalt
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| Joined: 10 Jul 2015 |
| Total Posts: 495 |
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| 27 Jun 2016 11:36 AM |
Beautiful
WE KNOW YOU'RE WISHING WE COULD GO AWAY! BUT THE INQUISITION IS HERE TO STAYYYY! |
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dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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| 27 Jun 2016 11:39 AM |
| I'm not sure what happens when the world champion is found. |
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dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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ralftrol
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| Joined: 08 Apr 2013 |
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Zeedax
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| Joined: 08 Nov 2009 |
| Total Posts: 24415 |
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dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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| 27 Jun 2016 11:26 PM |
Ding ding
I'm SomewhatAnonymous to Roblox |
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dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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| 28 Jun 2016 10:26 PM |
| HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA |
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dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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lavendeer
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| Joined: 27 Apr 2013 |
| Total Posts: 790 |
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| 30 Jun 2016 05:17 AM |
this just makes me want candy tbh
VAPORWAVE 焼き鳥 | death is imminent |
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dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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| 05 Jul 2016 08:18 AM |
| Happy After-Independence Day |
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dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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| 11 Jul 2016 11:13 AM |
| copied to my ever-growing folder of odd text files. |
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Zeedax
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| Joined: 08 Nov 2009 |
| Total Posts: 24415 |
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Astrain1
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| Joined: 27 Mar 2013 |
| Total Posts: 18697 |
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| 11 Jul 2016 01:14 PM |
omg i thought i was the only one that did this
jeb get me the seperatrons |
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dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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| 13 Jul 2016 04:26 PM |
mhm
Kirby's Pinball Land - Title Theme (1 Hour) Kirby's Pinball Land - Title Theme (1 Hour) Kirby's Pinball Land - Title Theme (1 Hour) Kirby's Pinball Land - Title Theme (1 Hour) Kirby's Pinball Land - Title Theme (1 Hour) |
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Zeedax
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| Joined: 08 Nov 2009 |
| Total Posts: 24415 |
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dualroxas
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| Joined: 10 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1039 |
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