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Re: Prologue and Chapter one of my book, The Chase.

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GiannaRoo27 is not online. GiannaRoo27
Joined: 22 Mar 2015
Total Posts: 26
24 Apr 2016 06:45 PM
Prologue


My feet hit against the hard, cold floor. I held the torch up high as to not catch anything on fire. I had been running for what seemed like ages now. I knew they would be chasing me for a while but not for my entire life. My parents had lost their breath and had been killed 1 and a half hours ago. Or that was at least how much time I thought. Maybe it was actually 3 hours ago, no, 4?

As long as I didn't lose my breath, I thought, I wouldn't die. I could actually run for however long I wanted to. Until I couldn't anymore.

My heart was pounding against my rib cage. How much longer do I have until it's ended like my parents? It was getting harder to breathe. My lungs needed more oxygen.

I turned a corner, and stepped into the room that was closest. The door was metal and inside was a lock. Yes! I thought. I walked inside and turned the lock to the door. It slammed shut. What I saw before my eyes, was something I could’ve never imagined.


“Mom? Dad? Uncle Jerry?”


“Yes, but we’re not alive. We’re holograms. We’ll aid you in your journey. For now though, good bye.” Mom said and they disappeared.


I heard a banging on the door. Oh no, I thought.

Chapter 1


I heard the muffled voices of the chasers. They were going to get me like the rest of my family I had thought. But, when I saw the holograms of Mom, Dad, and Uncle Jerry, my confidence really showed up. I don’t think that now. I just have to find a way to sneak through the door they are standing in front of. Isn't it impossible?

Just then, the holograms showed up again. I wanted so badly to run up and hug them, but I’d just fall flat on my face.


“I see you’re in a tough situation, eh? You’ll figure it out, think about it in a different way,” Uncle Jerry suggested.


“Like that’s going to help. I can’t just go through the door behind me and get out that way. Wait.. I just figured it out by thinking out loud,” I said.


Instead of going through the door that they were in front of, I went through the back door. It lead me to a series of passages. Of course, I knew nothing about these passages, so I chose the middle one to follow. It was super long, it took me 15 minutes just to get to another passage! Then it took me another 10 minutes to get to an opening in the passages.

In the opening of the passages there was an open door. I went in to see an odd and creepy room. The walls were stone, (Like all the other places in these passageways) and has moss growing in the cracks. Someone had to have been really lazy to not put enough cement in between the stone bricks. The floor was actually carpet but it was an ugly red color. In red writing (I thought it was blood) I saw these words, “I was a victim of the chasers. If you’re down here now you are too.”

I stood there for a moment puzzled as to why someone would write that there. Then I looked at my surroundings very carefully. I noticed there was a large mural on one of the walls. On the ground there was a couch and a tv.. Like the living room I had the faintest memory of. There was a poem on the wall. It said, “Our family was broken into little bits, Our family is gone into a dark pit, where all of us will be, till’ the end of it, when someone comes, to finish it.”

I stood there, tears started falling down my cheeks. What happened to my family? What will happen now?


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GiannaRoo27 is not online. GiannaRoo27
Joined: 22 Mar 2015
Total Posts: 26
24 Apr 2016 06:53 PM
Hehe, anyone like it? Give me cc too. It'd be appreciated! (cc = Constructed criticism.)
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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
24 Apr 2016 08:10 PM
I see some potential.

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GiannaRoo27 is not online. GiannaRoo27
Joined: 22 Mar 2015
Total Posts: 26
24 Apr 2016 08:16 PM
Thanks! I'm actually on chapter 7 and I'm writing it for the writers afire at my school. I could get it published!
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