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Re: My Poem, Is It Good?

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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
10 Apr 2016 06:11 PM
My Nightmare
____________

A cold winter night I went to bed
Awful dreams racing in my head

A long skinny creature similar to an alien kept chasing me
The room was pitch black as I could hardly see

It reached my shirt and pulled me down
They dragged me across the ever-lasting ground

When it came close to my ear
It let out a piercing scream for all to hear

I woke up feeling sick and confused
But I realized these dreams weren't anything new

As I begged, crying with sorrow
Traumatized of what I saw
I only knew these dreams would occur tomorrow

On and on again is what I said

How would you react if that came to your dreams?
Your heart skips a beat and you drop dead.




Poem by BlackAngelDeath
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ChippyEatsDoritos is not online. ChippyEatsDoritos
Joined: 31 Aug 2013
Total Posts: 2312
10 Apr 2016 06:14 PM
It's good
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
10 Apr 2016 06:16 PM
Thank you!
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redcat214 is not online. redcat214
Joined: 09 Feb 2015
Total Posts: 5
10 Apr 2016 06:18 PM
nice :)
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anajay2 is not online. anajay2
Joined: 05 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 12028
10 Apr 2016 06:19 PM
The only part that's bad in my opinion is "a long skinny creature similar to an alien kept chasing me" it's a little too long, that line.
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LyricLynx is not online. LyricLynx
Joined: 18 Jun 2014
Total Posts: 8751
10 Apr 2016 06:20 PM
Hm, I think it's a bit too literal. You should be more metaphoric when writing poems by being less specific, you know?



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ericawesome2134 is not online. ericawesome2134
Joined: 13 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 3350
10 Apr 2016 06:20 PM
mkayas
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
10 Apr 2016 06:21 PM
Any more replies?
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OdardAkari is not online. OdardAkari
Joined: 16 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 1235
10 Apr 2016 06:22 PM
k so

real advice from a fellow poet:
you need to show but not tell, so drop out those details and use metaphors, and be vague..it makes it more interesting. also, if you can, come up with some sort of rhythm or find a way to use a lack of rhythm to tell the story

and my OT post:
i have a better poem

u pretty like flower
smell good too
may i pick?


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SoundBarrierSpino is not online. SoundBarrierSpino
Joined: 29 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 11645
10 Apr 2016 06:23 PM
8/10 needs more shrek -ign
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
10 Apr 2016 06:24 PM
Alright
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TheYoPicOne is not online. TheYoPicOne
Joined: 01 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 850
10 Apr 2016 06:26 PM
good
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Gam3Kill3r is not online. Gam3Kill3r
Joined: 22 Jul 2014
Total Posts: 847
10 Apr 2016 06:32 PM
nice
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
10 Apr 2016 06:34 PM
I'm glad you all enjoy my poem!
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In_Bloom is not online. In_Bloom
Joined: 16 Feb 2014
Total Posts: 1295
10 Apr 2016 06:34 PM
Pretty good.
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LyricLynx is not online. LyricLynx
Joined: 18 Jun 2014
Total Posts: 8751
10 Apr 2016 06:34 PM
yeah it needs to be more vague and you need to show, not tell like he said





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0rang is not online. 0rang
Joined: 14 Mar 2016
Total Posts: 959
10 Apr 2016 06:34 PM
Barssss
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
10 Apr 2016 06:36 PM
I'll plan on updating it
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
10 Apr 2016 06:41 PM
Oh, any ideas of what my next poem should be about?
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LyricLynx is not online. LyricLynx
Joined: 18 Jun 2014
Total Posts: 8751
10 Apr 2016 06:45 PM
war and pain and loss



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cthulhu812 is not online. cthulhu812
Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Total Posts: 824
10 Apr 2016 06:47 PM
*Snaps for op*
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
10 Apr 2016 06:48 PM
Lyric, that's not a bad idea!
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cthulhu812 is not online. cthulhu812
Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Total Posts: 824
10 Apr 2016 06:50 PM
Why does it always have to be dark and depressing? Why cant it be happy
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
10 Apr 2016 06:52 PM
For some people it can interest them more. It all depends on someone's personality of what they want to pick. I might do a happy poem one day.
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
10 Apr 2016 06:54 PM
If it was happy, I would plan to make it more about nature.
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