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Re: Legacy (another poem)

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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
12 Apr 2016 08:40 PM
I know I've been writing a lot of these lately but I hope to get better by putting them up for critique. Feel free to suggest changes, as it is only a first draft!

What if I were to convey in sonnets
The vocal release of my ev'ry word
As Romeo in his noted moments;
Lacking hesitation, bearing no slur?

Marvelous metaphors conceived with ease--
These I would utter with guile at my will!
Music it'd be, and my soul it'd appease
To evoke Shakespear'an beauty distilled.

Now I humbly relay these thoughts to you
As I submit and humbly slip away.
Weary and discontented I am too
As sunset brings about the end of day.

But have I not fulfilled my dying wish?
Farewell, good friends. I plan to part at this!

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lobstery7 is not online. lobstery7
Joined: 02 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 12637
12 Apr 2016 08:51 PM
hay dood u evr think of rorapping? u got sum srs barz yo



Lobstery, God of Infinite Wisdom and Cruelty, King of the Pop Fans
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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
12 Apr 2016 09:19 PM
Ro-rapping? Ha! You jest!
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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
13 Apr 2016 08:34 PM
but srs m8t3 i coud b king ov rorap

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lobstery7 is not online. lobstery7
Joined: 02 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 12637
14 Apr 2016 02:32 PM
no but realy u should come up w/ a rorap naim
LoyalG4ngsta


Lobstery, God of Infinite Wisdom and Cruelty, King of the Pop Fans
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PaleFolklore is not online. PaleFolklore
Joined: 30 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 5592
14 Apr 2016 03:46 PM
Loyal2NoOne


its got a rebelious chime to it
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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
14 Apr 2016 03:50 PM
One day I'll be like Yung Shaweeaboo!
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SalsaSight is not online. SalsaSight
Joined: 04 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 10199
14 Apr 2016 04:20 PM
i remember my teenage poetry stage
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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
14 Apr 2016 04:22 PM
And what do you mean by that, SalsaSight?
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PaleFolklore is not online. PaleFolklore
Joined: 30 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 5592
16 Apr 2016 02:17 PM
ya salsa tf u doin rude

but tbh loyal i think you are still discovering your style. keep at it though
reading poetry is the greatest teacher for writing poetry

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