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Re: Writing something...

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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
04 Apr 2016 08:02 PM
What sounds better?

Yet words are stripped of benefit when nothing remains to be said

Yet words can do no good when nothing is left unsaid

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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
04 Apr 2016 08:08 PM
Or any combination of the two?

Or you could just say "they both suck!"

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YungSmoke is not online. YungSmoke
Joined: 08 Sep 2013
Total Posts: 8468
04 Apr 2016 08:12 PM
I can't choose because I can't fit it in with the rest of the writing.
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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
04 Apr 2016 08:15 PM
The bitter taste of parting still grips my tongue
But words do no right when nothing remains to be said
What is left:
A memory of a memory,
A nocturnal iteration,
A tantalizing ambiance
And I would have it no other way


I know it's rough but if you could give me any suggestions without absolutely condemning it that'd be nice

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Cudbert is not online. Cudbert
Joined: 18 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 16725
04 Apr 2016 08:24 PM
AA judgement could be more more clearly if you gave us some context
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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
04 Apr 2016 08:28 PM
Poetry is a form of literature that uses aesthetic and rhythmic qualities of language to evoke meanings in addition to, or in place of, the prosaic ostensible meaning - wikipedia

So it's open to interpretation. There is no set context. I know what it means to me, and if it is passable, it may mean something completely different to you

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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
04 Apr 2016 08:30 PM
Is it cringey? Does it make you think? Does it flow well?

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YungSmoke is not online. YungSmoke
Joined: 08 Sep 2013
Total Posts: 8468
04 Apr 2016 08:30 PM
Lose your girlfriend m8?

Jk nvm,

I would say... Yet words can leave regret when the unsaid is spoken.

But if I had to choose I would go with number 2.
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zenazebra is online. zenazebra
Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 3349
04 Apr 2016 08:31 PM
the second one


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Loyal2One is not online. Loyal2One
Joined: 24 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 10155
04 Apr 2016 08:35 PM
Ha no, Yung. I was given a prompt, "A Bitter Taste," and I decided to come up with a story in the form of an unconventional poem

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