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Re: Is This Poem Any Good?

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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
16 Jan 2016 06:27 PM
They mistake me as a culprit
Nothing but sounds of people throwing fits
Arrest me for my rights
Why? It's very hard to deny
Days are dark
Just scars & marks
Roaming in circles
Longing for my home
They wont leave me alone
Sighs and lies
Creates the fights
Locked in rooms
Take a walk in my shoes
All trouble in my life
Fined me I tried not to whine
Learning lessons to not take what wasn't mine
Won't be worth a shining dime
Delightful like
If I don't shine brighter than you thought
Just remember, you mean a lot
Out of nowhere we appear
Don't expect us to leer
Let us hide in the mist
Days in the cold you resist
Holding your hand through out the cells
Birds chirp & Children ringing bells
Vanishing times
Growing like vines
We are thoughts in someone else's mind
This is the end of the line.
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 03:12 AM
Just trying to make this poem alive.
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 03:13 AM
Bump
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iiEpikAlt1 is not online. iiEpikAlt1
Joined: 19 May 2015
Total Posts: 2155
17 Jan 2016 03:14 AM
no
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 03:15 AM
Saying no won't make me rage but I won't be rude to a fellow beginner of Roblox.
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iiEpikAlt1 is not online. iiEpikAlt1
Joined: 19 May 2015
Total Posts: 2155
17 Jan 2016 03:19 AM
but you asked if it was good arent you happy you got an answer ;c
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 03:20 AM
Well yes of course, sorry if I offended you in any way I am just here to say sorry.
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elkrai is not online. elkrai
Joined: 04 May 2008
Total Posts: 7390
17 Jan 2016 03:20 AM
not very good as a rap song
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 03:22 AM
It's a poem not a rap song.......
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elkrai is not online. elkrai
Joined: 04 May 2008
Total Posts: 7390
17 Jan 2016 03:23 AM
yeah but i cant read poems without going a little eminem on them
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 03:26 AM
Or maybe you can change the tone of the rap song you are thinking about.
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Fireboy835 is not online. Fireboy835
Joined: 21 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 589
17 Jan 2016 03:26 AM
it's good, i enjoyed it!
print("Ohh Haii There")
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 03:27 AM
Thanks!
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Fireboy835 is not online. Fireboy835
Joined: 21 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 589
17 Jan 2016 03:27 AM
no problem. c;
print("Ohh Haii There")
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Replaced is not online. Replaced
Joined: 15 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 55335
17 Jan 2016 03:44 AM
try shortening your poem a bit and learn how to write in sonnet style
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 04:11 AM
Sonnet style?
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Replaced is not online. Replaced
Joined: 15 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 55335
17 Jan 2016 04:15 AM
google it

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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 04:21 AM
I did it is Italian, a little song.
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Replaced is not online. Replaced
Joined: 15 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 55335
17 Jan 2016 04:25 AM
no

sonnets have a particular structure

and i thought a more structured way of writing poetry would be beneficial to you since your piece above is pretty long and drags on
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 02:42 PM
Anyone else agree with Replaced?
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 02:45 PM
Any how I will be thinking of ways to make it shorter.
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Numericters is not online. Numericters
Joined: 13 Aug 2013
Total Posts: 247
17 Jan 2016 02:46 PM
tl;dr
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Sernish is not online. Sernish
Joined: 13 Sep 2013
Total Posts: 5819
17 Jan 2016 02:46 PM
no cause tl


dadadanananagagaga
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Secret63712 is not online. Secret63712
Joined: 04 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 3166
17 Jan 2016 02:46 PM
I agree with Replaced.

Anyways, it was good.
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BlackAngelDeath is not online. BlackAngelDeath
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 4027
17 Jan 2016 02:47 PM
Thank you.

Does anyone else have any ideas of what my next poem should be about?
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