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| 24 Jan 2016 12:48 PM |
BOB IS MAKING AN ARMY, COPY AND PASTE BOB SO HE CAN TAKE OVER THE INTERNET!!!
░░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▂▄▅█████████▅▄▃▂ Il███████████████████]. ◥⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙◤..
☻/ /▌ ︻芫═══─ / \
☻/ /▌ ︻芫═══─ / \
☻/ /▌ ︻芫═══─ / \
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| 24 Jan 2016 12:49 PM |
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
What could paw-sibly go wrong? |
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| 24 Jan 2016 12:50 PM |
░░░░▓▓▀▀██████▓▄▒▒░░░ ░░░▀░░░░░░▀▀▀████▄▒░░░░ ░░▌░░░░░░░░░░░▀███▓▒░░ ░▌░░░░░▄▄▄░░░░░░▐█▓▒░░░ ░▄▓▀█▌░▀██▀▒▄░░░▐▓▓▓▒░ ░█▌░░░░░▀▒░░░▀░░░▐▓▒▒░░ ░▌▀▒▄▄░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄▒░░ ░▒▄█████▌▒▒░░░░░░░▒▌▒░ ░░▓█████▄▒░▒▒▒░░░░░▐░░░ ░░▒▀▓▒░░░░░░░▒▒░▒▒▒▄░░ ░░▓▒▒▒░░░░░░▒▒▒▒▒░▓░░░░ ░░████▄▄▄▄▓▓▓▒▒░░▐░░░░░░▀██████▓▒▒▒▒▒░▐░
might have failed
I ᴀᴍ ᴛʜᴇ Kᴇʏʙᴏᴀʀᴅ Wᴀʀʀɪᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴏʀᴜᴍs ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇ﹐ ʙᴜᴛ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ɪᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅs.
I ᴀᴍ ᴛʜᴇ Kᴇʏʙᴏᴀʀᴅ Wᴀʀʀɪᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴏʀᴜᴍs ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇ﹐ ʙᴜᴛ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ɪᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅs. |
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asf2424
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| Joined: 21 Sep 2013 |
| Total Posts: 6972 |
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| 24 Jan 2016 12:51 PM |
I have a creepypasta to share with you.
Ok, here it goes.
One day I was playing NFS Rivals (Game on PS4, not the roblox ripoff), and I noticed some train tracks while I was driving in the desert. I followed them and they led to a beautiful beach, the waterfront blocked off by rocks. I went the other way on the tracks, and I saw a train wreck (It didn't just happen, it was wrecked for a while). I decided to consider the words I put in quotes: "This train must have crashed on the way back from bringing people to the beach." I continued driving along until I came across this weird sandy mountain, flames suddenly erupting. "There mustv'e been a bad pilot or somethi- no wait, many bad pilots or something." This concludes my mythicalish creepypasta.
cactus |
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