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| 22 Jan 2016 05:46 PM |
I finished the prologue last night. There's a big chance of it being redone or going through heavy editing soon because it hasn't yet. It's pretty short and isn't exactly an introduction, and it didn't take much time for me to write it up, but I'm still proud of it nonetheless:
https://www.wattpad.com/210998134-adventure-of-the-ages-prologue
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Crystakyl
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| Joined: 23 Apr 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2381 |
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| 22 Jan 2016 06:00 PM |
I read it up until wattpad didn't let me. The beginning of your beginning seems really good, and I urge you to write the entire story.
~ "Long live the purple shirt." ~ |
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| 22 Jan 2016 06:14 PM |
Thanks! Wattpad's system is usually pretty shtty but hopefully it clears up if you decide to read the rest. I'm urging myself to write the entire story, too.
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| 22 Jan 2016 09:14 PM |
It's very good. The opening was fantastic and generally made it flow pretty well. There's some...questionable choices of words or sentences in there, but it doesn't really matter all too much.
I also like how you left the identities of the villains fairly anonymous, so that there's still a lot of suspense and mystery as to who they are. Also, I will mention that you used "it's" a lot where it's supposed to be "its". I'd recommend you fix that. |
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| 22 Jan 2016 10:04 PM |
Thanks, I see the mistakes now, the prologue hasn't gone through editing yet anyway
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vamking12
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| Joined: 08 May 2010 |
| Total Posts: 17651 |
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| 22 Jan 2016 10:12 PM |
| The first paragraph is legit |
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Tarandus
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| Joined: 04 Jan 2013 |
| Total Posts: 85 |
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| 22 Jan 2016 10:58 PM |
I WANT TO BE THE VERY BEST THAT NO ONE EVER WAS
SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSSSEEEEE
POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH EM ALLLLLLL
YOU KNOW ITS MY DESTINYYYYY I'LL TEACH YOU AND YOU TEACH ME
POKEEEMOOOONNNNNNNN
GOTTA CATCH EM ALL |
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| 23 Jan 2016 04:17 AM |
| Too many paragraphs. Put your sentences together and make it a new paragraph when a character talks or a new subject is being talked about. Other than that it's not bad. |
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| 23 Jan 2016 09:06 AM |
I know the spacing's weird. It was much less spaced out when I wrote it on google docs, but when I transferred it over to Wattpad, Wattpad's system changed it to look like that.
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| 23 Jan 2016 09:11 AM |
| Wattpad has a strange system. I don't like it. |
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