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Re: Pokemon Story Prologue

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CrystaIGems is not online. CrystaIGems
Joined: 23 Jan 2015
Total Posts: 1774
22 Jan 2016 05:46 PM
I finished the prologue last night. There's a big chance of it being redone or going through heavy editing soon because it hasn't yet. It's pretty short and isn't exactly an introduction, and it didn't take much time for me to write it up, but I'm still proud of it nonetheless:

https://www.wattpad.com/210998134-adventure-of-the-ages-prologue


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Crystakyl is not online. Crystakyl
Joined: 23 Apr 2011
Total Posts: 2381
22 Jan 2016 06:00 PM
I read it up until wattpad didn't let me. The beginning of your beginning seems really good, and I urge you to write the entire story.

~ "Long live the purple shirt." ~
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CrystaIGems is not online. CrystaIGems
Joined: 23 Jan 2015
Total Posts: 1774
22 Jan 2016 06:14 PM
Thanks! Wattpad's system is usually pretty shtty but hopefully it clears up if you decide to read the rest. I'm urging myself to write the entire story, too.


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CrystaIGems is not online. CrystaIGems
Joined: 23 Jan 2015
Total Posts: 1774
22 Jan 2016 08:57 PM
bump


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SirBookington is not online. SirBookington
Joined: 30 Dec 2014
Total Posts: 2409
22 Jan 2016 09:14 PM
It's very good. The opening was fantastic and generally made it flow pretty well.
There's some...questionable choices of words or sentences in there, but it doesn't really matter all too much.

I also like how you left the identities of the villains fairly anonymous, so that there's still a lot of suspense and mystery as to who they are.
Also, I will mention that you used "it's" a lot where it's supposed to be "its". I'd recommend you fix that.
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CrystaIGems is not online. CrystaIGems
Joined: 23 Jan 2015
Total Posts: 1774
22 Jan 2016 10:04 PM
Thanks, I see the mistakes now, the prologue hasn't gone through editing yet anyway


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vamking12 is not online. vamking12
Joined: 08 May 2010
Total Posts: 17651
22 Jan 2016 10:12 PM
The first paragraph is legit
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Tarandus is not online. Tarandus
Joined: 04 Jan 2013
Total Posts: 85
22 Jan 2016 10:58 PM
I WANT TO BE
THE VERY BEST
THAT NO ONE EVER WAS

SOMETHING SOMETHING
SOMETHING SOMETHING
TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSSSEEEEE


POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH EM ALLLLLLL

YOU KNOW ITS MY DESTINYYYYY
I'LL TEACH YOU AND YOU TEACH ME

POKEEEMOOOONNNNNNNN

GOTTA CATCH EM ALL
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TheLopez911 is not online. TheLopez911
Joined: 16 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 65
23 Jan 2016 04:17 AM
Too many paragraphs. Put your sentences together and make it a new paragraph when a character talks or a new subject is being talked about. Other than that it's not bad.
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CrystaIGems is not online. CrystaIGems
Joined: 23 Jan 2015
Total Posts: 1774
23 Jan 2016 09:06 AM
I know the spacing's weird. It was much less spaced out when I wrote it on google docs, but when I transferred it over to Wattpad, Wattpad's system changed it to look like that.


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SirBookington is not online. SirBookington
Joined: 30 Dec 2014
Total Posts: 2409
23 Jan 2016 09:11 AM
Wattpad has a strange system. I don't like it.
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