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| 18 Jan 2016 12:57 AM |
(Life post alert. Look away now if you're not interested in rant-like life posts by a visibly stressed and pissed off 20 year old.)
Yeah, another fight with my parents over something unnecessarily stupid, but this time it's gone way too far. I can't blame you if you genuinely don't believe me because what I'm about to explain is an absolutely ridiculous case, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who knows that it's something that you can't just make up out of the blue.
So I mentioned earlier that I'll be buying a new PC on Monday because the one I have at the moment is absolutely useless and craps out for no reason every few seconds. I've finally gotten sick of it to the point that I'm getting a laptop with my own money.
When I mentioned to my parents that I'm going to be gone for maybe the entire early afternoon tomorrow to be buying a new PC, my mom literally threatened to disown me if I bring any kind of computer home.
Yeah. My own decision as a responsible adult to BUY A NEW LAPTOP WITH MY OWN DAMN MONEY is potentially getting me literally disowned by my family.
Now some of you might remember my mom as being an emotionally abusive, extremely foul mouthed alcoholic with near-crippling OCD and possible insanity (think about what I'm normally like on the internet and multiply that by 5 and completely eliminate the part about being humorous with it), so this probably shouldn't raise any red flags for some of you. But the problem is that half of the time she actually follows through on things she threatens to do, and my dad is too much of a coward to do anything about it and usually just ignores everything and continues watching TV. If he does care, he'll always side with my mom, probably out of fear of being emotionally abused himself.
Despite the fact that I try so hard to move along in life I can't seem to because of some random bad luck always getting in the way. And what do my parents always tell me when I explain my problems to them? Either "it's because you're damn useless" or "you don't try you lazy POS". I'm 20 and judging from the near-nonexistant respect I get from my own family, they probably imagine me as being 12 and completely incapable of making decisions.
I want to get out of here but I have nowhere to go. Normally my only realistic choice would be to go back to Finland to live with my sister, but she's homeless at the moment and is leaving the country for two months soon anyway. All of my friends are either also living with their family or don't have any time or room to have me stay for even a few days. I'm stuck in this hell hole that only provides unhealthy doses of stress outside of basic human needs like food and shelter.
The few times that the parent that ISN'T an emotionally abusive loudspeaker of bullcrap talks to me, which would be my dad, all he does is ask me, despite me giving the same logical explanation dozens of times, why I don't have a job (because it's the employers' decision to have me work, not mine), why I don't have my own place to live in (he seriously expects me, who has ZERO luck finding a job, to be able to afford the ripoff rent prices in this city), and why I'm not married or in a relationship otherwise (because all of my GFs have either moved away or cheated on me). So basically I live with TWO people who have no understanding of my life simply because they refuse to actually listen to what I have to say.
Not to mention that they're absolutely convinced that modern life in Canada works the exact same way for younger people as it did in 1980s Finland. Yeah, like I'm totally going to be able in this country in 2016 to just walk into a liquor store and get a job IMMEDIATELY after asking for one, and then being able to afford a decent house for myself before turning 23.
There are people who literally off themselves because of this kind of stress. I won't ever intentionally off myself, but I ask myself a lot whether I don't do that because I think that doing so is for cowards, or if the reality is that I'm actually a coward to not just do it at this point.
In the meantime, have a listen to this song. Kind of describes my life at the moment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF28BO3N-_Q |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:04 AM |
| you can always come live with me <3 |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:05 AM |
| are we going to make a living off becoming a poopfist cover band |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:08 AM |
That sucks man, but I feel as if until you somehow get a job you have to stay there
As for the pc it's really not worth it, but that's your decision
Also NEVER think of offing in any situation, wether your being hunted by police or suffering from abuse offing is never the right way |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:10 AM |
Actually the PC kind of IS worth it, because I use it to apply for jobs (without having to waste money on bus tickets to hand out resumes as a total crapshoot), read emails, maintain a website (for free), and other actually useful stuff.
Not exactly easy to do when it takes about three minutes to even open up your emails because of the current PC being old and absolutely useless. |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:11 AM |
"maintain a website (for free)"
>:D |
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RedDawg
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| Joined: 08 Sep 2008 |
| Total Posts: 18265 |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:14 AM |
Hey man, I am really saddened to hear that this is what is going on in your life. You deserve better, and I am very sorry that it isn't better.
I know adults and other authority figures repeat this over and over again to the point of it becoming some sort of joke, but seriously; suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The thing about life is this; it goes on. You may not feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and just being real there isn't always a light at the end of the tunnel. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth it to keep going.
Your parents don't seem like the people that can be easily reasoned with. Just keep chugging along and eventually you'll find a job somewhere, and then one thing will lead to another and you won't need them in your life anymore. It's a slow process but I know you'll do it. I believe in you. |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:14 AM |
In case you're wondering how I have enough money to be able to afford to buy a laptop:
I've had jobs before and I don't use a lot of money, plus I do short contract jobs every couple of months for about $200-300.
As a result I'm actually in possession of over $4,000. |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:15 AM |
| any interest in programming jobs? |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:18 AM |
| ill take that post block as a hell no |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:20 AM |
@ Red
Back for your occasional visit?
Unfortunate how you had to come back to witness a rare depressing life post by LORD TINFOIL
And yeah, not exactly easy to deal with two 50-somethings who grew up in a totally different time on a different continent and don't pay any attention to the realities of modern life, except that "the younger people are pretty good with technology and stuff, maybe I should ask my son how to use google". |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:22 AM |
"any interest in programming jobs?"
That's literally what I've been trying to get into since the age of 14.
Forgot to mention that I've considered just self-employing myself and creating some kind of game or app, but both of my parents refuse to acknowledge that as a "real job" and absolutely won't support my decision to do that. |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:22 AM |
| i mean, its not exactly a job as its more of a project to just develop a thing or 2, but its definitely a start |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:26 AM |
| Tell that to whoever made Flappy Bird. |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:27 AM |
tru maybe you can make a similar game called flying turd |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:28 AM |
too unoriginal, nobody would buy it except people who are interested in scatological humor.
good idea though, i might make a concept of it by trying to fling my own turds past highway traffic. |
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RedDawg
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| Joined: 08 Sep 2008 |
| Total Posts: 18265 |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:31 AM |
| Do you have a Twitter account? |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:32 AM |
thatd be goat how about an upgrade on the tatoberry poop simulator |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:32 AM |
@ Red
No, I despise social media and refuse to use any kind of it. The closest I have to that would be Steam, which I can't boot up anymore on this PC.
@ Vik
Already in progress :) |
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RedDawg
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| Joined: 08 Sep 2008 |
| Total Posts: 18265 |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:41 AM |
| Darn, I wanted to have a way to stay in touch with you and other SFers |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:44 AM |
| There does exist a FB account that uses my real name, but it's an impostor. |
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Rodriquex
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| Joined: 04 Jun 2011 |
| Total Posts: 14525 |
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| 18 Jan 2016 01:56 AM |
| Hope everything goes well for you :) If you need any more support, I can try to help anytime :) |
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