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| 13 Dec 2015 12:38 AM |
"Jose, wake up" "Huh, what?" "Time for school" He get's out of bed and gets dressed. "What's for breakfast mom?" "Eggs and Ham" "Yum!" He eats the Eggs and ham and gets his backpack. "Bye mom, I'll miss you" "Bye son..." His dad drives him to school. "Bye son!" "Bye dad" Suddenly, an earthquake happens! "AHH, WHAT'S GOING ON!?!?" "Jose, Grab on!" "Oka- AHHH" Earthquakes get extremely strong, and the plates of earth suddenly move at 1,000 KPH. "AHHHHHHH" The dream ends.
This is just a intro... |
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MrStilts
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| Joined: 07 Nov 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3729 |
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| 13 Dec 2015 12:43 AM |
| Thanks for showing the roleplay forum your poor understanding of story writing. We can't get enough of those around here. |
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| 13 Dec 2015 12:47 AM |
^amen
This post has been claimed for ILoD. All trespassers will be smote. |
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Histcarp
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| Joined: 12 Nov 2015 |
| Total Posts: 601 |
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| 13 Dec 2015 12:49 AM |
"Thanks for showing the roleplay forum your poor understanding of story writing. We can't get enough of those around here." He tried his best. Not everyone writes perfectly--and last time I checked, you weren't exactly a perfect author yourself, were you? If you actually wanted to CORRECT someone (instead of being the obvious mule you are right now), you could've at least pointed out the way to them instead of making the comment you made. I'm just pointing out my viewpoint of this, sorry. |
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| 13 Dec 2015 12:51 AM |
The next part came out @above I agree >:( |
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MrStilts
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| Joined: 07 Nov 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3729 |
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| 13 Dec 2015 12:56 AM |
[Not everyone writes perfectly--and last time I checked, you weren't exactly a perfect author yourself, were you?] [I'm just pointing out my viewpoint of this, sorry.]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KDUvSBxbag
Anyway, I'm just saying what comes to my mind. If you want to see this guy improve is writing, then by all means, do it yourself. |
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Histcarp
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| Joined: 12 Nov 2015 |
| Total Posts: 601 |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:01 AM |
"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KDUvSBxbag" Thanks for the giggle.
"If you want to see this guy improve is writing, then by all means, do it yourself." I probably would if I could. I seriously lack the everything to help this person with their story. |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:04 AM |
| There is a movie relation in part 2 [II] |
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MrStilts
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| Joined: 07 Nov 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3729 |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:07 AM |
| Okay, I'm going to need you to just stop. Stop writing, read an actual book, then come back, because you've clearly never read one. |
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marc12267
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2008 |
| Total Posts: 25897 |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:22 AM |
i tried to get santee on the pad he got on but he just insulted me and stuffz it was for helping him improve
"What'cha gonna do, when Egomania runs wild, on you, brother?!" |
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marc12267
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2008 |
| Total Posts: 25897 |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:23 AM |
crap gotta fix some wording the pad was for helping him improve
"What'cha gonna do, when Egomania runs wild, on you, brother?!" |
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MrStilts
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| Joined: 07 Nov 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3729 |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:27 AM |
| Alright... what did he say exactly? |
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marc12267
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2008 |
| Total Posts: 25897 |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:33 AM |
False alarm, just some other guy who hates ROBLOX somehow got on the pad
"What'cha gonna do, when Egomania runs wild, on you, brother?!" |
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MrStilts
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| Joined: 07 Nov 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3729 |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:33 AM |
| Okay, I am just going to put the troll status to "confirmed" at this stage. |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:42 AM |
"IM ONLY 10!"
there we go case closed |
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| 13 Dec 2015 02:04 AM |
| NEXT PART!!! PART 3, BETTER THAN THIS BAD STORY (cri cri) |
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| 13 Dec 2015 02:07 AM |
| u poor confused little soul |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:01 PM |
Listen: Writing needs description.
Yes, there are instances where introductions start out solely with dialogue, and that usually adds a nice effect. In your story, though, the whole thing is mostly dialogue. This bores the reader and makes your story very uninteresting.
Take, for instance "Suddenly, an earthquake happens!"
This is boring. The reader can't imagine the earthquake because you simply say there is one. They have no idea what the earthquake is like. Instead, you could say:
"Jose strolled toward the school doors after saying farewell to his father, only to be thrown off his feet by a massive tremor. He yelled in shock, his terrified voice joining the cries of those also thrown by the Earth's shuddering. The school swayed, and he scrambled clumsily to find shelter, his ears latching on to the voice of his dad: "Grab on!" Jose grasped through the air to find his father's extended hand, but with the vibrations of the ground it was near impossible to steady his arm enough to accept his father's help. Suddenly, the ground seemed to speed out from under him, as though the plates of the earth were moving at 1000 KPH. He screamed, the world a blur."
"Jose awoke, sweating. It was only a dream." |
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| 13 Dec 2015 01:43 PM |
It was supposed to be a teacher saying "Grab on!"
Indeed +1 :) |
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| 14 Dec 2015 06:53 PM |
| From Youtube funny test answers video |
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MrStilts
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| Joined: 07 Nov 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3729 |
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| 14 Dec 2015 07:19 PM |
[From Youtube funny test answers video]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gOlUOm9dkU |
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