generic image
Processing...
  • Games
  • Catalog
  • Develop
  • Robux
  • Search in Players
  • Search in Games
  • Search in Catalog
  • Search in Groups
  • Search in Library
  • Log In
  • Sign Up
  • Games
  • Catalog
  • Develop
  • Robux
   
ROBLOX Forum » Role-Playing
Home Search
 

Re: Dreams Collapse [ISRP]

Previous Thread :: Next Thread 
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
28 Nov 2015 03:06 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkLWf-fbsLo
Abandon all enmity, ye who enter here.

In truth, what is the nature of the darkness we hold within ourselves? It is, as we know, a vile and venomous darkness. A flame that burns brighter in a man of anger. In death, the spark of life is gone, as is the flame and the dark. Is this horrid dark within ourselves part of who we are? Is darkness the natural state of humanity? If it is, what right do we have to bring light to that dark? Would any attempts in doing so be successful?

Things fall apart and dreams collapse. This is the course of nature, veered as far from its original path as possible. The birth of Humans, and the birth of Dark is what caused the failure of what once was a perfect existence. The establishment of societies, then, is what ensured the Earth would cease to be the Cradle of Good, and become the Cradle of Humankind.

Few acknowledge the Dark within themselves. It's a horrible beast, one that is rarely spilled out in words, but so often spilled out in the entrails of others. A man sought to create a society. A society free of enmity, free of prejudice, free of pain, and free of Dark. His first mistake was building this society for Humans.

In 2046, a man, with new-found technology, led purification efforts in Chernobyl and surrounding areas. For the first time, this area was habitable. The same man built up his Utopia in this area. Perfection from destruction, a shelter from man created from the folly of man. All were allowed entry. All were allowed safety from the Dark of Man. And all carried within them the Dark of Man. A year later, the Utopia and the dream of the man with a name forgotten collapsed. The buildings of the Utopia still stand, but all who were once a part of it are dead. It's believed a war started within the Utopia, a war that never ended until every person within was killed.

The Utopia, in order to keep itself safe from the Dark of Man, had to keep itself completely separated from all nations. After one month, the Utopia closed its doors and sealed itself in an opaque dome. Any progress made before the Collapse was kept in secret. Only now do we see what sort of progress they made.

It is 2199 now, the end of a century. Roughly one-hundred years ago, we discovered that hidden away behind that opaque dome was a mission, a mission to see the stars up close. Hidden underground was a facility, one created for the purpose of finding space-travel. After this discovery was made, the Dark of Man began to spread throughout the Universe. In memory of the Utopia and its nameless founder, the remnants of the Utopia have been re-purposed and now serves as a ticket into space, for those willing to start a new life.

And, so it is with you. You're unhappy, for some reason or another, with your life on Earth. Pay up enough cash, and you're given VR lessons on how to fly a spaceship, along with your own spaceship. You've finished your VR training now, and picked out a little ship for yourself. As you walk to the hangar where your ship is held, you see the old and weathered sign. A sign that served as the welcome sign for the Utopia. At the top, the sign once read "PEACE RULES HERE." But, the words have faded, and now only one word remains at the top.

RULES
ABANDON ALL ENMITY, YE WHO ENTER HERE
-Welcome to Utopia.
-All men and women of good character are welcome. Leave behind your hatred and your prejudice. Leave behind your pre-conceived thoughts. Here, you are forgiven. All are welcome, and all are forgiven. You are forgiven. You are welcome.
-War is a poison that must be coated on a weapon. Leave behind your weapons, they are not allowed here.
-Stay with this place, do not try to leave.
-Peace Forever

As you walk towards your spaceship, you begin to recall who you are, and who you were.
Your name?:
Your gender?:
Your age?:
What do you look like, and what are you wearing?:
Why are you leaving the Earth?
Do you recall your past life? If so, speak about it. If the memories are too bitter, then let your past be left unsaid.
Anything else?:
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
28 Nov 2015 04:31 PM
Bump.
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
28 Nov 2015 05:26 PM
Bump 2.
Report Abuse
damagingdaredevilman is not online. damagingdaredevilman
Joined: 23 Apr 2011
Total Posts: 1489
28 Nov 2015 05:31 PM
Your name?: Larez Yideeren
Your gender?: Male
Your age?: Somewhere around 24, I guess. I haven't really been keeping track.
What do you look like, and what are you wearing?: I have pale skin, grey eyes, brown hair, and stand at 6'1. No scars or other defining features, really. As for what I'm wearing, a purple tee-shirt and some khakis.
Why are you leaving the Earth?: I used be a bad man. Thievery, fraud, the works. I've changed, but nobody will believe me. No friends. No future on earth.
Do you recall your past life? If so, speak about it. If the memories are too bitter, then let your past be left unsaid. I'd rather not talk about it.
Anything else?: Nope.

(Here, have a CS to rip to shreds.)

~ "Long live the purple shirt." ~
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
28 Nov 2015 05:43 PM
Your appearance is written in a lazy fashion (writing all your appearance pieces in a list in one sentence), like something you'd see in a Garry's Mod RP. Perhaps acceptable there, but not here. Besides the fact that your appearance isn't structurally well-written, it's not detailed either. You provide no information on things such as the build of your character, his hair (besides its color), his shoes, etc. Furthermore, the details you do provide are, as stated previously, poorly laid out. They are, also, very bland. You've gone into no detail whatsoever, even with the items you've given to me in your appearance.

Perhaps my biggest gripe with your character sheet is the fact that you go out of your way to tell me he doesn't have any scars or defining features. It's okay to not have features to define your character if you're playing a Fight Club-esque everyman character. You are not. You're playing a reformed criminal. It's simply poor character-writing to have a reformed criminal who's struggling with his reformation to have no defining details whatsoever. Your lack of any sort of defining physical traits or sentimental articles of clothing for your character wrap up what I think of your character sheet in a nutshell.

It's lazy. Declined.
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
28 Nov 2015 08:50 PM
Bump 3.
Report Abuse
PurringThunder is not online. PurringThunder
Joined: 23 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 16465
28 Nov 2015 10:31 PM
Your name?: Holly Canyon
Your gender?: female
Your age?: 38

What do you look like, and what are you wearing?:
I don't think I'm too short, but most adults are either my height or taller. I have curly, dark brown hair that glimmers red and gold in the right light, though it had looks dimmer than it should for a time so long I stopped counting. It rests a few inches past my shoulders. My eyes, like my hair, are dark brown, but they don't look much different in the light. My skin is pale, and my face is usually tired, though today it has a spark. I'm wearing a green shirt that flutters out to one side. My pants are the color where you can't tell if it's black or brown or purple. The shoes I have are slightly covered up by the pant leg, hiding them just enough that no one can tell they're regular, comfortable tennis shoes (as opposed to dressy shoes that would have gone better with the outfit.)

Why are you leaving the Earth?
I am leaving Earth to renew my sense of adventure and freedom.

Do you recall your past life? If so, speak about it. If the memories are too bitter, then let your past be left unsaid.
I had gotten too caught up in the stresses of normal, everyday life. I am sore from it. I grew tired of the same old routine that was killing me slowly, so I saved up, putting money in a jar until I finally had enough. Luckily, I never made myself a family, so I have no husband or children to make me stay. My job wasn't something I liked; just something I used to get by. I don't need it anymore, now that I'm going far away from the whole world. I am going to be free.

Anything else?: I think that's everything.
((If I do something wrong, please point it out- which you undoubtedly would do anyways- so that I may fix it.))
Report Abuse
LeBlaster200 is not online. LeBlaster200
Joined: 29 Mar 2015
Total Posts: 3267
28 Nov 2015 10:54 PM
Your name?: Duy Le

Your gender?: M

Your age?: 30

What do you look like, and what are you wearing?: I stand at 5'5, weighing in about 135. Some would say I'm quite scrawny. I have dark brownish, ruffled up hair. If you first saw me, you would think that I just woke up, out of bed, but I look like so all the time. I have bags under my eyes, with thick glasses. I wear a button-up with some black slacks. I slouch a bit, with slightly bad posture. If you looked at my right eyebrow, you would see that part of it missing. That is, at least, how I would describe myself.

Why are you leaving the Earth?: I am leaving for the very same reason a boy with a magnifying glass would go outside, simply to learn.

Do you recall your past life? If so, speak about it. If the memories are too bitter, then let your past be left unsaid.: I was born into the middle class. Average kid in an average family. I lived a normal-ish life, some issues at home, school issues, let's just say there were many issues in my life. I cared about my academics quite a bit back then, I got into a university and left with a Ph.D and masters. I joined a research team that was going to Utopia to research things.

Anything else?: I lazily made the Bio.
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
28 Nov 2015 11:06 PM
Purring: http://forum.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=178814331

LeBlaster, declined. Your character has a physical deformity (missing part of the right eyebrow). You must explain how your character lost part of his eyebrow in your Biography. Also, no research teams were ever sent to Utopia.
Report Abuse
LeBlaster200 is not online. LeBlaster200
Joined: 29 Mar 2015
Total Posts: 3267
28 Nov 2015 11:13 PM
Is this just one chance? Or can I fix it?
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
28 Nov 2015 11:14 PM
You can fix it.
Report Abuse
LeBlaster200 is not online. LeBlaster200
Joined: 29 Mar 2015
Total Posts: 3267
28 Nov 2015 11:23 PM
Alright

Do you recall your past life? If so, speak about it. If the memories are too bitter, then let your past be left unsaid.: I was born into the middle class. Average kid in an average family. I lived a normal-ish life, some issues at home, school issues, let's just say there were many issues in my life. There was one day in my life that was quite notable. It happened in school, when a bully brought a lighter to school. He was just fooling around and I was walking by, I was usually a target by him. He brought the lighter up to my face and threatened me, but a teacher came by and startled the bully causing him to accidentally burn off part of my eyebrow. Soon after, the bully was suspended and ect. I cared about my academics quite a bit back then, I got into a university and left with a Ph.D and masters. When I heard of Utopia, I decided to go just to perform some private experiments in space and such.

Eyebrows
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
29 Nov 2015 02:03 AM
http://forum.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=178822475

Here you are.
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
29 Nov 2015 04:36 AM
Bumping before I go to bed. Everybody is welcome to sign up, because I believe in equal opportunity.
Report Abuse
eikoopmit is not online. eikoopmit
Joined: 10 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 3499
29 Nov 2015 09:32 AM
I lost interest when you misquoted Dante. Then again, it's nearly midnight where I am located, I can't focus on anything; I'll read this in more detail when I'm a tad bit more awake. Marked.

Brea, bûter en griene tsiis is goed Ingelsk en goed Frysk
Report Abuse
happysupercooldude99 is not online. happysupercooldude99
Joined: 25 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 7380
29 Nov 2015 12:20 PM
Marked. I'll make a CS later.
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
29 Nov 2015 04:03 PM
I altered the original quote by Dante on purpose, Tim.
Report Abuse
happysupercooldude99 is not online. happysupercooldude99
Joined: 25 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 7380
29 Nov 2015 05:18 PM
As you walk towards your spaceship, you begin to recall who you are, and who you were.

Your name?: Ratchit Trailhorn

Your gender?: Male

Your age?: 34

What do you look like, and what are you wearing?: From what i know, i stand at a normal height for people my age (5'9). My body is somewhat skinny, and my skin is darkened white with a touch of unnoticeable paleness. My hair is a darkened orange; although when i was a child it was bright strawberry orange. My eyes are the brightest thing on my face, with a nice bright blue color to them. I'm wearing a normal blue charvet shirt with striped sweatpants, black and white. A small scar resides on my cheek.

Why are you leaving the Earth?: I need to gain a better life; i also need a good adventure.

Do you recall your past life? If so, speak about it. If the memories are too bitter, then let your past be left unsaid.: The days of childhood in my life are quite blurry, although i recall some specific, notable facts and occurrences. First, Ratchit means invention, which is my first name. Second, i got my scar from a pocketknife. Me and a past friend of mine were cutting a rope for an art project, when i accidentally collided my cheek into the knife while i crouched down.

Anything else?: Nope.
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
29 Nov 2015 05:29 PM
>darkened white

Do you mean grey? Does your character have grey skin?

Besides that, your grammar is absolutely abysmal. I'm not declining you for that though, I'm sure I can work past it. Your character is leaving Earth to gain a better life. Because of this, you must include what exactly is wrong with your character's current life that makes him want to leave.
Report Abuse
eikoopmit is not online. eikoopmit
Joined: 10 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 3499
29 Nov 2015 06:05 PM
I know that it was clearly purposeful as you did it twice. I posted that late at night and tried to add in a joke to the generic "marked".

Brea, bûter en griene tsiis is goed Ingelsk en goed Frysk
Report Abuse
happysupercooldude99 is not online. happysupercooldude99
Joined: 25 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 7380
29 Nov 2015 09:01 PM
"absolutely abysmal"

um i think that's a bit of an overstatement, therefore you have embarrassed me

but i can fix the other problem

addition to the bio:
My life isn't really the best because of multiple reasons. I recently lost my job; the opportunities remaining soon became slim and i can no longer find an occupation. All residents of my current family have either moved away or died; therefore keeping me alone in my current household.

Tell me if this isn't enough.
Report Abuse
whackymacky is not online. whackymacky
Joined: 19 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 505
29 Nov 2015 09:07 PM
Dammit, is Yesteryear dead? Probably should've looked at RolePlaying forums before My Forums...


Sample Text
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
29 Nov 2015 09:36 PM
That's good enough, you're accepted. I'll have your thread up tomorrow.
Report Abuse
happysupercooldude99 is not online. happysupercooldude99
Joined: 25 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 7380
29 Nov 2015 09:41 PM
Gotcha. I'll see if i can get better.
Report Abuse
Z0rr0w is not online. Z0rr0w
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 14027
30 Nov 2015 08:52 PM
http://forum.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=178939883
Report Abuse
Previous Thread :: Next Thread 
Page 1 of 1
 
 
ROBLOX Forum » Role-Playing
   
 
   
  • About Us
  • Jobs
  • Blog
  • Parents
  • Help
  • Terms
  • Privacy

©2017 Roblox Corporation. Roblox, the Roblox logo, Robux, Bloxy, and Powering Imagination are among our registered and unregistered trademarks in the U.S. and other countries.



Progress
Starting Roblox...
Connecting to Players...
R R

Roblox is now loading. Get ready to play!

R R

You're moments away from getting into the game!

Click here for help

Check Remember my choice and click Launch Application in the dialog box above to join games faster in the future!

Gameplay sponsored by:
Loading 0% - Starting game...
Get more with Builders Club! Join Builders Club
Choose Your Avatar
I have an account
generic image