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Re: The Truth About My School (Remake)

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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
03 Oct 2015 09:37 PM
(robloxfan564 and i wrote this together woo)

Chapter 1: First Meeting

Today was my first day at my new school. I had just moved recently and I was just so nervous. I wasn't even sure if people were going to like me. I put on my favorite outfit; a pink blouse and a grey skirt with black boots. I looked at myself in the full-body mirror leaned against the wall on the side of the room and smiled. I grabbed a few things from upstairs, minute things like a little bracelet and necklace to go with my outfit. I slipped them on while running down the stairs, my boots making soft thumps on the hardwood stairs as I ran to go see my mother downstairs.

"Sara, are you ready for school-" My mom asked, but stopped abruptly when she saw me. I saw this weird look in her eye as she stared at me, she never looked at me like that before. She looked proud, and I felt proud knowing that I had her approval, even if it was just for that morning. "You look great, Sara."

She looked like she was about to tear up, and even though I knew she probably wasn't going to, I didn't want to see her cry. Even if it was happy tears. "Thanks, Mom." I said. "I don't think I can eat breakfast today, I want to get to school early to find my classes." My mom nodded slowly. "If you're hungry after school, just know that I have some food prepared." She said, smiling. I nodded, heading to the front door. I looked back and waved, and my mother waved back. I looked back to the sidewalk, running out the door to my school as fast as possible. It might've worn me out a little, but I didn't want to be late. The school's front yard was full of kids, tons of them. It was so awesome, I could make so many new friends. I saw a few wave at me, and I waved back with a grin. I ran into the open doors that were held open by little slabs of wood crammed under them, and nearly ran into someone. "Sorry!" I cried, the girl dropping her books. She knelt down to pick them up, and I realized this girl was dressed in all black and gray and had this emo-like look to her.

"You should probably be careful next time." The girl said, eyeing my outfit. "You must be new here, no one ever runs in the halls. It's a classic rule here."

"Yeah, I am new here." I said. "I didn't know that." All she did was stare at me. I didn't know what else to say, she didn't really strike me as friendly. She brushed her dark red hair with her hands, obviously not knowing what else to say either. She looked in the direction of these people that were dressed almost exactly like her. They were walking towards us. My arms shook a little bit, myself being pretty nervous as to what they would do.

"Who's this?" One of them, a boy with dark brown hair, asked. The girl took a look at me again. "I don't know, she's new here." The girl said.

"My name is Sara." I said. I bit my lip out of awkwardness. "I moved here from Maryland." I looked down, averting my eyes because I was a bit shy. "My name is Iris, and he's Jordan." She gestured to herself, then the brown-haired boy that had spoken before. One other stepped forward. "I'm Lucy." She stated plainly. "Cool." I said secretly elated that they were opening up a little bit to me. Even if it was just their names, it was a start. "So, um, do we have any classes together?"

Each of them stared at me, reluctant to share their schedules, as if they were scared to be friends with me. Finally, Iris gave in and took out her schedule. She walked over to me and let me see what classes she had. "Cool, we have bio together." I said. Jordan gave Iris and Lucy a look that probably meant that he wanted to get away from me. I didn't understand why they seemed to not like me. I mean, we only just met. "Well, we have to get going to class." Iris said. "Maybe we'll see you later?"

I thought that sounded more like a statement than a question. "Yeah." I said. "Maybe." They didn't respond, they just walked off and began whispering to each other, probably talking about me. I sighed as I watched them. "It really is going to be hard to make friends here." I whispered to myself and then started to walk to my next class.
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robloxfan564 is not online. robloxfan564
Joined: 24 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 5690
03 Oct 2015 09:41 PM
Woo.
RPF, do we get the seal of approval ;-;
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
03 Oct 2015 10:01 PM
gonna bump this because i can

you thought your problems were gone
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MrStilts is not online. MrStilts
Joined: 07 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 3729
03 Oct 2015 10:21 PM
It still looks like Twilight fanfiction, but at least it's a markable improvement from the last ones.
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
03 Oct 2015 10:22 PM
bump bump bump
plz guys

you thought your problems were gone
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
03 Oct 2015 10:23 PM
whoops
ok well thank you
i think?

you thought your problems were gone
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MrStilts is not online. MrStilts
Joined: 07 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 3729
03 Oct 2015 10:25 PM
It's a good step in the right direction, but don't expect shinning reviews of it.
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
03 Oct 2015 10:29 PM
eh, i have a rule for myself to never expect/want anything
i didn't think people were going to LOVE it, i just want to convince people that i'm getting better

you thought your problems were gone
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Liltechie is not online. Liltechie
Joined: 14 Feb 2015
Total Posts: 972
03 Oct 2015 10:30 PM
This is more of a reboot. A remake would be the same story but with better spelling and grammar.
(For my opinion on the story, it's an improvement.)


Poetry is sour...
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
03 Oct 2015 10:31 PM
well yeah ok so it's a reboot not a remake
but thanks

you thought your problems were gone
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Liltechie is not online. Liltechie
Joined: 14 Feb 2015
Total Posts: 972
03 Oct 2015 10:47 PM
I say reboot the second to last and last chapter.


Poetry is sour...
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Liltechie is not online. Liltechie
Joined: 14 Feb 2015
Total Posts: 972
03 Oct 2015 10:51 PM
When robloxfan564 comes back on.


Poetry is sour...
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
03 Oct 2015 10:52 PM
yeah that's what we're going to do
this story is going to be very different than the original

you thought your problems were gone
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robloxfan564 is not online. robloxfan564
Joined: 24 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 5690
03 Oct 2015 11:25 PM
Back on, and yes, we're planning to add better action and scenes like that.
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papermoon8 is not online. papermoon8
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 7409
04 Oct 2015 08:01 AM
*reads comments before i read the story*
*finishes comments*
*scrolls up a little and sees "I bit my lip in awkwardness"*
*shoots self*
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MrStilts is not online. MrStilts
Joined: 07 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 3729
04 Oct 2015 08:07 AM
As I said, pink is still new to writing, so this is actually pretty good as far as baby steps go. Although, if you thought this was bad, you should read her earlier version of the story.
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papermoon8 is not online. papermoon8
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 7409
04 Oct 2015 08:16 AM
@Stilts

Being new is no excuse for bad writing, especially when it is this terribad. I'm not a fantastic writer, however I was at least prepared when I entered the RP forum.
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MrStilts is not online. MrStilts
Joined: 07 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 3729
04 Oct 2015 08:25 AM
I didn't think I'd have to do this, but it seems you need a lot more convincing.

As I said, this was not pink's first attempt at writing, so here; the original story to this one:
http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=168725471
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robloxfan564 is not online. robloxfan564
Joined: 24 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 5690
04 Oct 2015 11:27 AM
Guys. Guys. Sure, this was her first story to begin with, but we've made a ton of improvements. It's not going as fast, we're not planning for the goth club to reveal themselves in the second chapter of all things (maybe the third), and she's made tons of improvements on it. Not as cliched, not as horrible grammar as the last one, and definitely better altogether. Even if it's not exactly what RPF hoped it would be, she's still trying, and I've contributed to this as well. I did half of the first paragraph, most of the second, and most of the fourth or fifth I can't remember. I also made minute grammar fixes here and there.
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UltramanJakku is not online. UltramanJakku
Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 981
04 Oct 2015 12:07 PM
pink could'eve done better, i think it turned out not as good as it would'eve been because that piece of autistic sht named robloxfan564 helped write it.
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xbikeman is not online. xbikeman
Joined: 24 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 2367
04 Oct 2015 12:50 PM
hey

roblox is a amazing rper and writer

so go take your bad attitude somewhere else

because' you've obviously never rp'ed with her

or even had a brief conversation with her
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UltramanJakku is not online. UltramanJakku
Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 981
04 Oct 2015 12:54 PM
Wrong.

She is autistic garbage.
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xbikeman is not online. xbikeman
Joined: 24 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 2367
04 Oct 2015 01:02 PM
she ain't garbage

but I do know she is the other thing.

Just because you have a disorder doesn't mean your a terrible piece of trash.

Kinda goes with the "even if your bad at school you can still be good"

because guess what

Einstein was bad in school

But he was (kind of) a genius.

Apparently I don't talk correctly

but guess what.

I'm the smartest kid in my grade, and the smartest kid in my grade that goes to the same school as me.

just

because

you

got

something

wrong

doesn't

mean

the

person

is

garbage.

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UltramanJakku is not online. UltramanJakku
Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 981
04 Oct 2015 01:16 PM
Lolno, she is still autistic garbage. >;)
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robloxfan564 is not online. robloxfan564
Joined: 24 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 5690
04 Oct 2015 01:43 PM
Bike, calm down. Ultra is a troll, so that's why I haven't lifted a finger to defend myself. Just ignore him. Calm down, okay? He knows I'm better than him at pretty much everything I do, so he tries to target my autism because he knows it was a sensitive spot on the past. Shushshush.
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