lostend
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| Joined: 21 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 8265 |
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| 28 Sep 2015 07:24 PM |
i have 2 write a fiction story
u have to have less than 6 pages of writing. typed or written i was sick on friday, so i didnt take it home on the weekend im thinking of just turning it in like this, so r8 plz (im a bad writer) and im in 8th grade, and this doesnt fit all the requirements o3o but im willing to give up a few points
The darkness was unsettling. You could hear the water leak in a rhythmic pattern as it echoed throughout the facility. This water was the only thing that kept the survivors calm. When it stopped, a savage beast would attempt to murder a random survivor. Their mission, their purpose, their life, was to exterminate this beast that lurked in the wretched facility. Only five of the survivors remained from the original twenty. They were thirsty for blood. "Caesar, get over here," whispered Alan,"there are blood streaks on the ground!" "Looks like that bullet really did hit him. Get a sample of it to Mike." Alan was a man in his mid-thirties. He had a dark complexion. His only motive he was at that facility was because his wife had been taken from him by the twisted beast. And he was forced there, along with his wife. Caesar was a man of many skills. He could handle a gun and wield a knife gracefully. He had exceptional academic knowledge with instincts as sharp as flint. The very essence of this man could frighten the beast. Caesar was the leader and protector. His only drawback was chemistry. He knew it, but he didn't know how to work the tools. He used to be a hardened man. This was before his brother, Jordan, died. This was where Mike came in with his science expertise and to help Caesar. Mike was the science expert. He could identify any material, use any tool, and manipulate any object. He was imperative to the team's survival. The last two surviving members were unknown. They couldn't remember their names. Caesar called the female Jane and the male John, as in Jane and John Doe. The unknowns had advanced military training. Everyone called the wretched facility that they were trapped in the Bane. Soldiers would be moved to the bane everytime the survivor count dipped below five, but that had never happened before. They could never leave the Bane unless the beast was exterminated. It was either kill or be killed. The survivors decided to greet new recruits with these words— if they ever needed to: Welcome to hell. |
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xman262
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| Joined: 24 Aug 2010 |
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lostend
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| Joined: 21 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 8265 |
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| 28 Sep 2015 07:27 PM |
| atleast say whats wrong o3o |
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| 28 Sep 2015 07:28 PM |
| 11/10 for 8th grade level! |
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RegalTPM
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| Joined: 22 May 2012 |
| Total Posts: 13734 |
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| 28 Sep 2015 07:30 PM |
| I laughed at "savage beast", the word has been ruined for me |
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| 28 Sep 2015 07:31 PM |
tbh at least in my school this is either C-B work but eh its ok... Kind of weird how you include so much detail into some parts yet so little into others... Also the names made me chuckle (Such a simple name as Alan and then a complex historic name Caesar) "Only five of the survivors remained from the original twenty. They were thirsty for blood." I dont understand why the survivors are thirsty for blood; isn't it the beast that is? |
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lostend
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| Joined: 21 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 8265 |
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lostend
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| Joined: 21 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 8265 |
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| 28 Sep 2015 07:35 PM |
names are pretty bad but i was trying to imply more that caesar is the leader and will possibly be killed by his team cause he goes insane (why i chose that name)
and i put they are thirsty for blood because their friends / family had been killed or taken by the beast. but you're right, it is placed pretty bad and should/will be moved |
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| 28 Sep 2015 07:36 PM |
8/10
Send me a trade! http://www.roblox.com/Trade/TradeWindow.aspx?TradePartnerID=47973456 |
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lostend
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| Joined: 21 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 8265 |
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