xNestori
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| Joined: 12 Jan 2011 |
| Total Posts: 19 |
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CIarisa
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| Joined: 26 Jan 2013 |
| Total Posts: 8079 |
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| 24 Aug 2015 10:59 PM |
The story needs work. For instance, in the beginning; you say: "A kid who was bullied throughout his life". That basically sounds like you're saying he's been bullied since he was born. Also, how and when did he meet his friend? You also only mention that the only time they spend with each other was at some playground. Is that the only activity they've done? Doesn't sound like a best friend to me if that's the case. Also, out of all things the boy could've done, he joins the army. Also, why did he run after the assailants of his colleague? Did they have a friendship or a bond? What is it!?
Just constructive criticism. Don't take this too harshly please! |
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| 26 Aug 2015 01:17 PM |
it was Nice and Sad ;c
☢Cooljjman☢ |
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| 31 Aug 2015 06:54 PM |
Wasn't sad, very hilarious.
Holding hands, swinging, running in the middle of the battlefield when people are shooting. o3o |
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