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spideematt is not online. spideematt
Joined: 07 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 354
05 Aug 2015 08:26 PM
Chapter 1: Lashings

"Hello?

Sekwitz?

Hello?

...What do I even pay him for?"

The sound of rain pelted the roof. It was dark outside, evident by the only window revealing a raging thunderstorm. This only added to the dreary atmosphere of the recording.

"Sekwitz?"

The voice was unusually high, but it was distinctly a man's voice.

"I swear to god, if we make it out of here alive, I am firing that man."

A lightning strike nearby shook the building, and revealed a pale looking man in a white lab coat, in his late 50's. He had white hair pushed back and sticking up in many places. He was afraid of something, but it was hard to tell what.

"I sent him ten minutes ago... He should be back by now."

The sound of footsteps were nearby. Heavy footsteps, but it was too dark to tell what they were from.

A scream.

A thud.

The recording changes location.

"Power, power.

Where is the power?

The old man said the panel would be right here!"

There is a flashlight illuminating a hallway, far ahead of the camcorder. Traced around the light is a black figure of a man.

"A6..."

He runs a finger across the wall

"A7..."

He turns

"What the, it should be right here!"

The flashlight shines on a blank part of the wall.

On the other wall is a set of cables, clearly ripped.

"You know I wont let you get out of here Sekwitz."

The man holding the flashlight turns toward the camera, terrified.

"But thank you for letting me in."

The person holding the camera throws a knife at Sekwitz.


...The hilt hits him in the stomach and bounces off carefree.

"Dang. I was going for dramatic effect."

The sound of a gunshot rings out, and Sekwitz falls backward.

-------------------

This is my first attempt at writing something remotely scary and I want to know how its going. The next chapter probably will not be as scary, this was just to hype you up and set the plot and stage for the entire series that I am hoping to create.

Feedback is requested, but don't just go "omg no stop making it"

In other words, don't be the unpopular opinion meme.
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spideematt is not online. spideematt
Joined: 07 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 354
06 Aug 2015 11:19 AM
Bump.
Chapter 2 should be coming today.
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spideematt is not online. spideematt
Joined: 07 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 354
06 Aug 2015 06:33 PM
Chapter 2, Naoma: Truthless

It's a bright day. But then again, it always is bright in Secom. The masked mage Tyranar has been harnessing the sun, storing it, and unleashing it on dreary days. It helps protect the shopkeepers from thieves, he claims.

The townspeople know that's a front. Its true, but its not his true purpose for doing that. It's common knowledge now that Tyranar is a Radiance.

The Radiance are superhuman, but only with sunlight. They were ordinary men once, until special rituals transformed them.

All the same, the Lunar are the opposite. Superhuman during the night. They take to shadows.

And Naoma is the only Lunar in Secom.

Naoma was out that day, doing her usual bouts in the outer markets of Secom. She had a list of items, and is well known for buying more than she needs. There are speculations of how she got all of her money. Some say she was part of a wealthy family, some claim she is the young widow of a prince in distant lands. But they can only speculate. And they are always wrong. Naoma is funded from a foreign land. For Naoma is merely a puppet, a front, for a greater plan.

But she couldn't question what her masters wanted, so she bought what they requested, every day, via Dawnlink.

And the Dawnlink told her today to meet up with another operative.

She finally spots him through the crowd. He was taller than the Dawnlink had made her believe. Black hair, and cloak. Slight stubble on his chin. Naoma could tell he was concealing a weapon, as part of her training. But then again, Secom is full of closed carriers.

He pulls out a small glass cylinder and passes it to her as she walks past him, then buys some things and heads home, where she opens the cylinder and finally inspects whats in it.

There was a video chip. Small and Blue. That means no space left. This means there was a lot of debriefing on this chip.

She loads it into her Dawnlink, and pulls up the data. Only two things, a video, and a message.

She watches the video first.

And she watches the man in the video murder two people.

She had heard of this murder, the Albhriem Apothecate murder. Professor Kaymen and his assistant Sekwitz were murdered. Shame that such lives must be taken. Her targets were usually common men, with secret lives only found after death. Most of them were drug dealers or arms dealers. But these men were innocent. What was there to gain from them dying?

She pulls up the message


IN THIS FASHION
TYRANAR
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JackLorenzi is not online. JackLorenzi
Joined: 01 Jul 2015
Total Posts: 3588
06 Aug 2015 06:38 PM
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JackLorenzi is not online. JackLorenzi
Joined: 01 Jul 2015
Total Posts: 3588
06 Aug 2015 06:42 PM
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JackLorenzi is not online. JackLorenzi
Joined: 01 Jul 2015
Total Posts: 3588
06 Aug 2015 06:44 PM
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JackLorenzi is not online. JackLorenzi
Joined: 01 Jul 2015
Total Posts: 3588
06 Aug 2015 06:54 PM
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BilICipher is not online. BilICipher
Joined: 27 Jul 2014
Total Posts: 1510
06 Aug 2015 07:34 PM
The story sounds like it could be very interesting. I like how you're building the world up, using terms that we aren't exactly 100% sure of their definition yet. I do that too with my original stories sometimes. It definitely has potential and you should keep writing, but what does chapter one have to do with chapter two? They seem like entirely different stories with entirely different genres.
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spideematt is not online. spideematt
Joined: 07 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 354
06 Aug 2015 08:09 PM
"She had heard of this murder, the Albhriem Apothecate murder. Professor Kaymen and his assistant Sekwitz were murdered. Shame that such lives must be taken. Her targets were usually common men, with secret lives only found after death. Most of them were drug dealers or arms dealers. But these men were innocent. What was there to gain from them dying?"

I'll put emphasis on this paragraph. Go back and re-read chapter one after reading this.
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spideematt is not online. spideematt
Joined: 07 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 354
07 Aug 2015 02:05 PM
Chapter 3, Naoma: Questions

It was clear the message wanted her to kill Tyranar, and record it.

She downloaded both things and used a program to hide them unless a keybinding is input.

She'd been preparing for something of this sort for a while, but didn't expect to be forced to kill Tyranar, of all people! It was crazy. She needed energy.

Speaking of energy, the Dawnlink spurted out a package in the other room. Another glass cylinder, with a black energy inside it. Lunar energy. That was that taken care of.

She got out a note and wrote on it
"Need supplies
Gun + bullets, throwing knife, potions
Can purchase potions here, not gun + bullets and knife."
And tossed it in the Dawnlink.

The dawnlink was a messaging system, a way of communicating with farther places. Toss items in and out, but humans can not go through. Nobody knows why this happens, but they just can't.

A message popped out.
"TALK TO VENDOR X-845. GIVE FOLLOWING CODE.
1342"

The string of numbers had a nice flourish at the end. An extra, almost checkmark imperfection. She would have to check that out when she was free.

For now, it was time to meet this vendor, and find out why he had these items in Secom.

-----------

Author's Note:
I envision Secom as a desert town. Sandstone buildings, sand floors. The people inside Secom wear t-shirts and shorts. The town is lined with merchants selling wears, and it is always sunny, albiet less so when most of the people are asleep. Thats because Tyranar is awake when others are asleep, channeling his power to the sky.

The Dawnlink is envisioned to me as something like Symmetra's Teleporter (in overwatch)
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spideematt is not online. spideematt
Joined: 07 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 354
07 Aug 2015 02:06 PM
Fun fact: Chapter 3 was rejected by roblox 4 times because of the original code being 10 numbers instead of 4.
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