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Re: I'm having post-breakup friendship problems

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NotAshley is not online. NotAshley
Joined: 16 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 14257
05 Aug 2015 09:11 PM
and I need advice. I'll try to make the story short.

I had a friendship with somebody where we could express everything. We could be totally honest and outward with our feelings, which is rare for both of us.

Eventually we expressed that we loved each other, and we were fine loving each other even with no relationship. We'd talk about it and we knew about it and it was 100% alright.

Eventually we decided we could try a relationship. We did, and we agreed that if it ever ends, everything will still be fine. It lasted months.

Eventually we began to distance more and more, and he would do his own thing more and more, and I got a little upset one night and broke up with him. He was all cool about it and told me I was overreacting, and I apologized, and that was that.

Now the problem arises with an unanswered question that he refuses to answer. In order to re-orient myself to the friendship, I keep asking him if we still love each other like before the relationship, or if it's different. We can be talking about anything and he completely ignores me whenever I bring it up.

Eventually through a series of cleverly asked yes/no questions, I learned that he doesn't feel angry, hurt, or uncomfortable, and that he simply feels I'm overreacting which is why he doesn't answer.

I love this friendship but it's important that I know the dynamics of it to keep it, and he won't answer. Is there anything I'm missing here? Is it a normal response or is he in the wrong?
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
05 Aug 2015 09:14 PM
>We can be talking about anything
>I bring it up

there's your first problem
i think it is overreacting to keep asking him
especially when you're talking about something unrelated
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NotAshley is not online. NotAshley
Joined: 16 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 14257
05 Aug 2015 09:15 PM
@Joseph I suppose, but it's still 2 days after the breakup. The question is looming. Do I just need to give it more time?
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
05 Aug 2015 09:15 PM
>2 days

yes give it more time definitely
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NotAshley is not online. NotAshley
Joined: 16 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 14257
05 Aug 2015 09:18 PM
It just feels painfully frustrating how he won't answer the one question I need in order to know what kind of things I can say in the friendship, how far I can go, etc

I might be overreacting without realizing, but I also get a sense that he's underreacting. He doesn't understand why I need the answer and he's been relaxed about the whole situation
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CorrodedBlade is not online. CorrodedBlade
Joined: 05 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 1053
05 Aug 2015 09:19 PM
where's the fresh prince of bel-air ending
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NotAshley is not online. NotAshley
Joined: 16 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 14257
05 Aug 2015 09:20 PM
@CorrodedBlade

and I need advice. I'll try to make the story short.

I had a friendship with somebody where we could express everything. We could be totally honest and outward with our feelings, which is rare for both of us.

Eventually we expressed that we loved each other, and we were fine loving each other even with no relationship. We'd talk about it and we knew about it and it was 100% alright.

Eventually we decided we could try a relationship. We did, and we agreed that if it ever ends, everything will still be fine. It lasted months.

Eventually we began to distance more and more, and he would do his own thing more and more, and I got a little upset one night and broke up with him. He was all cool about it and told me I was overreacting, and I apologized, and that was that.

Now the problem arises with an unanswered question that he refuses to answer. In order to re-orient myself to the friendship, I keep asking him if we still love each other like before the relationship, or if it's different. We can be talking about anything and he completely ignores me whenever I bring it up.

Eventually through a series of cleverly asked yes/no questions, I learned that he doesn't feel angry, hurt, or uncomfortable. He told me “You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.” I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought, “Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air!” I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabby yo holmes smell ya later Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
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Henrykingfire is not online. Henrykingfire
Joined: 18 Sep 2014
Total Posts: 771
05 Aug 2015 09:22 PM
i br0k3 uup wiht my exgirl her'es the numbor..sice!!! TATS THE WRONG NUUUUMBOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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CorrodedBlade is not online. CorrodedBlade
Joined: 05 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 1053
05 Aug 2015 09:23 PM
i was looking forward to that, and it got a laugh out of me.

anyways, wait a while and ask again.
it's likely the timing of your questioning that's throwing everything off.

also, no matter what, after a relationship ends with a good friend, that friendship will never be the same, even if the people want it to be.
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FourthInstinct is not online. FourthInstinct
Joined: 13 Jul 2015
Total Posts: 4727
05 Aug 2015 09:24 PM
fff idk why people break up
just get back together and try again lmao
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NotAshley is not online. NotAshley
Joined: 16 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 14257
05 Aug 2015 09:25 PM
"just get back together and try again lmao"

I wish, he won't allow that
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NotAshley is not online. NotAshley
Joined: 16 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 14257
05 Aug 2015 09:26 PM
@CorrodedBlade thanks. I guess I do need to wait
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FourthInstinct is not online. FourthInstinct
Joined: 13 Jul 2015
Total Posts: 4727
05 Aug 2015 09:26 PM
he won't? oh.
yeah i know nothing of authentic relationships tbh
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Slydexia is not online. Slydexia
Joined: 10 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 98517
05 Aug 2015 09:30 PM
just do what i do when i have problems
SCREEEEAAAAAAAM
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Avenxx is not online. Avenxx
Joined: 02 Feb 2015
Total Posts: 2726
05 Aug 2015 09:33 PM
First thing, when you two were becoming distanced, you should've talked to him instead of breaking up. That happened to me once with someone and I instantly told them what was wrong. It worked out great and I'm in a happy relationship with him as of now. When he avoids answering your "Do we still love each other?" question, it's palpable that he doesn't want to bring it up. This might mean that he doesn't want to get back together. What I suggest you to do is go and apologize. You overreacted a tee too much.

heil nxx
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NotAshley is not online. NotAshley
Joined: 16 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 14257
05 Aug 2015 09:34 PM
@Avenxx thanks for your advice. I did apologize, I still do every day. I very much hope he doesn't feel like it's his fault.
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RevitaIized is not online. RevitaIized
Joined: 16 Jun 2015
Total Posts: 1563
05 Aug 2015 09:34 PM
Yeah, I agree with Avenxx, you should have talked things out before jumping to a break up.


the constipution says that I can post freely!
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Henrykingfire is not online. Henrykingfire
Joined: 18 Sep 2014
Total Posts: 771
05 Aug 2015 09:35 PM
Ok, he is probably angry becuase you broke up with him and he thinks you're not loyal there's only one answer to this dilema here's a video that will better explain what I'm trying to tell you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AteuGCuz_34 you wlecome
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randompanda44 is not online. randompanda44
Joined: 04 Jul 2014
Total Posts: 61
05 Aug 2015 09:35 PM
Just talk like normal it helps returns things to normal
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Avenxx is not online. Avenxx
Joined: 02 Feb 2015
Total Posts: 2726
05 Aug 2015 09:35 PM
How does he react when you apologize?


heil nxx
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NotAshley is not online. NotAshley
Joined: 16 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 14257
05 Aug 2015 09:36 PM
"How does he react when you apologize?"

he doesn't address it and the conversation continues
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Avenxx is not online. Avenxx
Joined: 02 Feb 2015
Total Posts: 2726
05 Aug 2015 09:38 PM
He doesn't have feelings for you, sorry. I know that because earlier during my relationship, him and I would have lots of arguments. When he apologized, I completely ignored it because I didn't care and stopped liking him. Don't go too fast, be friends again and let the feeling come to him naturally.


heil nxx
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ThisSlayerGotVibe is not online. ThisSlayerGotVibe
Joined: 09 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 224
05 Aug 2015 09:40 PM
If you didn't hear what i said on your other forum i said video chat him if this is online


and if this is real life stop him next time you guys meet up and tell him you HAVE to talk

for my advice contact me at imsofancy66 going on c&g now
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RevitaIized is not online. RevitaIized
Joined: 16 Jun 2015
Total Posts: 1563
05 Aug 2015 09:41 PM
Some friendships should stay friendships, I lost someone who was once my go-to best friend, my life long tag-team partner for everything, by taking it to the next level and making it a relationship...

the constipution says that I can post freely!
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randompanda44 is not online. randompanda44
Joined: 04 Jul 2014
Total Posts: 61
13 Aug 2015 01:41 PM
I had a male friend who was NOT my boyfriend and at the mention of a relationship he just leaves but we made up and he just wanted to not feel like he had to date me or anything
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