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Re: paens to notable forumers

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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:15 PM
of noob's first disobedience and that forbidden post
of that forbidden thread, whose mortal forum
brought bans into the world, and all our woe,
with loss of ot till one great heartstrings
restore us and gain the blissful thread
sing heaven'ly nios, that on the sacred top
of ROBLOX, or of the forum, didst inspire
that heartstrings, who first taught the chosen forumers
in the beginning how the forums and games
rose out of chaos, or if c7g
delight thee more, and rt's posts that flow'd
fast by the oracle of mod, i thence
invoke thy aid to my adventurous song
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:16 PM
A trashposting comes across the forum. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
It is too late. The Moderation still proceeds, but it’s all theatre. There is no quality inside OT. No quality anywhere. Above him lift posts old as Heartstrings, and threads somewhere far above that would let the light of quality through. But it’s trash. He’s afraid of the way the threads will fall—soon—it will be a spectacle: the fall of a crystal palace. But coming down in total blackout, without one glint of quality, only great invisible crashing.
Inside the forum, which is built on several levels, he sits in velveteen darkness, with nothing to post, feeling trashposters nearer and farther rub and connect, steam escaping in puffs, a vibration in OT’s frame, a poising, an uneasiness, all the others pressed in around, feeble ones, second sheep, all out of luck and time: trashposters, old veterans still in shock from ordnance 20 years obsolete, ODers in city clothes, derelicts, exhausted women with more posts than it seems could belong to anyone, stacked about among the rest of the things to be carried out to salvation. Only the nearer faces are visible at all, and at that only as half-silvered images in a view finder, green-stained VIP faces remembered behind bulletproof threads speeding through the forum. . .
They have begun to post. They pass in line, out of the main thread, out of
OT, and begin pushing into older and more desolate parts of ROBLOX. Is this the way out? Faces turn to the forum, but no one dares ask, not out loud. Bans come down. No, this is not a disentanglement from, but a progressive knotting into—they go in under posts, secret entrances of rotted trash that only looked like pages of an thread . . . certain posts of blackened forumers have moved slowly by overhead, and the smells begun of quality from days far to the past, smells of naphtha winters, of Sundays when no trashposts came through, of the coral-like and mysteriously vital growth, around the blind curves and out the lonely spurs, a sour smell of quality absence, of maturing rust, developing through those emptying days brilliant and deep, especially at dawn, with blue shadows to seal its passage, to try to bring events to Absolute Zero . . .

Some post alone, some share their incessant threads with others. Incessant, yes, what do the quality posts matter, at this stage of things? Underfoot crunches the oldest of forum dirt, last crystallizations of all the forum had denied, threatened, lied to its posters. Each has been hearing a voice, one he thought was talking only to him, say, “You didn’t really believe you’d be unbanned. Come, we all know who we are by now. No one was ever going to take the trouble to unban you, old fellow. . ..”

There is no way out. Lie and wait, lie still and be quiet. Banning holds across OT. When it comes, will it come in darkness, or will it bring its own light? Will the light come before or after?
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:17 PM
It was love at first sight.
The first time Nios saw Boeing he fell madly in love with him.
Nios was in the forum with a edge in his posting that fell just short of being rule-breaking. The moderators were puzzled by the fact that it wasn't quite rule-breaking. If it became rule-breaking they could delete him. If it didn't become rule-breaking and went away they could discharge him. But this just being short of rule-breaking all the time confused them.
Each morning they came around, three brisk and serious men with efficient mouths and inefficient eyes, accompanied by brisk and serious MSE6, one of the admins who didn't like Nios. They read the mod notes at the bottom of his profile and asked impatiently about the rules. They seemed irritated when he told them they were exactly the same.
"Still no movement?" the admin demanded.
The moderators exchanged a look when he shook his head.
"Give him another 1-day ban."
MSE6 made a note to give Nios another 1-day ban, and the four of them moved along to the next bed. None of the mods liked Nios. Actually, the edge in his posting had gone away, but Nios didn't say anything and the moderators never suspected. They just suspected that he had been moving his bowels and not telling anyone.
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Levoute is not online. Levoute
Joined: 04 Jun 2015
Total Posts: 4183
04 Aug 2015 10:17 PM
Nice poem.
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:18 PM
NotInOurStars was trashposting. He was eloquently trashposting, lovingly and pugnaciously trashposting. He leaned against the bar of the Off Topic Chatroom, the most gilded and urbane subforum in all of ROBLOX, and requested Boeing717 to join him in "quality posting," the word of the day.

Blowing on a new thread, polishing it and glancing at Nios through its flashing rotundity, Boeing remarked that he wasn't much of a hand at this here quality business. But he smiled. No forumer could have done other than smile on Nios, so inspired and full of gallantry and hell-raising was he, and so dominating was his beefy grin.

"All right, old socks," agreed Elmer. "Me and my postin'-buddy'll show you some postin' as is quality! Meet postin'-buddy. Zacmaq. Bes' postin'-buddy in world. Wouldn't forum with him if wasn't! Bes' quality poster in ROBOX. Meet postin'-buddy."

Boeing again met Mr. Maq, with protestations of distinguished pleasure.

Nios and Zacmaq retired to a table to nourish the long, rich, chocolate strains suitable to quality trashposting. Actually, they posted very well. Zac had a resolute tenor, and as to NotInOurStars, even more than his bulk, his thick black hair, his venturesome black eyes, you remembered that postmodern style. He was born to be a moderator. He never said anything important, and he always said it sonorously. He could make "Good morning" seem profound as Kant, welcoming as a brass band, and uplifting as a cathedral organ. It was a 'cello, his foruming, and in the enchantment of it you did not hear his slang, his boasting, his trashposting, and the dreadful violence which (at this period) he performed on singulars and plurals.
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:19 PM
There was no hope for him this time: it was the third deletion. Night after night I had passed the thread (it was vacation time) and studied the few remaining posts: and night after night I had found them to read the same way, faintly and evenly. If he was banned, I thought, I would see the reflection of alts on the darkened forum for I knew that two alts must be set at the head of a deletion. Nios had often said to me: "I am not long for this forum," and I had thought his words idle. Now I knew they were true. Every night as I gazed at OT I said softly to myself the word paralysis. It had always sounded strangely in my ears, like the word gnomon in the Euclid and the word simony in the Catechism. But now it sounded to me like the name of some maleficent and sinful being. It filled me with fear, and yet I longed to be nearer to it and to look upon its deadly work.
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:20 PM
BOWDLERIZED FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE
a tale about uglyfirewizard

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how the admins were occupied and all before I signed up, and all that David Copperfield kind of trash, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. In the first place, that stuff bores me, and in the second place, the admins would have two hemorrhages apiece if I told anything pretty personal about them. They’re quite touchy about anything like that, especially MSE6. They’re nice and all - I’m not saying that - but they’re also touchy as hell. Besides, I’m not going to tell you my whole autobiography or anything. I’ll just tell you about this madman stuff that happened to me last Christmas just before I got pretty run-down and had to come out and take it easy. I mean that’s all I told Boeing about, and he’s my brother and all. He’s in Pop-Culture. That isn't too far from this crumby place, and he comes over and visits me practically every week end. He’s going to drive me home when I go home next month maybe. He just got a Jaguar. One of those little English jobs that can do around two hundred miles an hour. It cost him near four thousand bucks. He’s got a lot of dough, now. He didn't use to. He used to be just a regular writer, when he was home. He wrote this terrific book of short stories, The Secret Goldfish, in case you never heard of him. The best one in it was "tedy roosvelt vs demon spaniard bear." It was about this little kid that wouldn't let anybody take his America because he’d bought it with his own money. It killed me. Now he’s out in Pop-Culture, Boeing, being a suck-up. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s the movies. Don’t even mention them to me.

Where I want to start is the day I left Off Topic. Off Topic is this forum that’s in ROBLOX. You probably heard of it. You've probably seen the ads, anyway. They advertise in about a thousand magazines, always showing some hot-shot guy on a horse jumping over a fence. Like as if all you ever did in OT was quality posting all the time. I never even once saw a quality post anywhere near the place. And underneath the guy on the horse’s picture, it always says: ‘Since 2006 we have been molding boys into splendid, clear-thinking young men’. Strictly for the birds. They don’t do any more molding in OT than they do in any other forum. And I didn't know anybody there that was splendid and clear-thinking and all. Maybe two guys. If that many. And they probably came to OT that way.

Anyway, it was the Saturday of the flamewar with ROBLOX Talk. The war with ROBLOX Talk was supposed to be a very big deal around OT. It was the last war of the year, and you were supposed to get deleted or something if old OT didn't win. I remember around three o’clock that afternoon I was standing way on top of Thomsen Hill, right next to this crazy cannon that was in the Revolutionary War and all. You could see the whole field from there, and you could see the two forums bashing each other all over the place. You couldn't see the grandstand too hot, but you could hear them all yelling, deep and terrific on the OT side, because practically the whole school except me was there, and scrawny and weak on the ROBLOX Talk side, because the visiting team hardly ever brought many people with them.

There were never many girls at all at the flamewars. Only veteran posters were allowed to bring girls with them. It was a terrible forum, no matter how you looked at it. I like to be somewhere at least where you can see a few girls around once in a while, even if they’re only scratching their arms or blowing their noses or even just giggling or something. Old Heartstrings - she was the headmaster’s master - showed up at the wars quite often, but she wasn't exactly the type that drove you mad with desire. She was a pretty nice girl, though, I sat next to her once in the bus from OT and we sort of struck up a conversation. I liked her. She had a big nose and her nails were all all bitten down and bleedy-looking and she had on those falsies that point all over the place, but you felt sort of sorry for her. What I liked about her, she didn't give you a lot of horse manure about what a great guy her father was. She probably knew what a phony slob he was.
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:21 PM
We were somewhere around RT on the edge of the forum when the bans began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive. ..." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge mods, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about 100 miles an hour with the top down to OT. And a voice was screaming: "Holy Jesus! What are these animals?"

Then it was quiet again. Nios had taken his shirt off and was pouring ethanol on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. "What the hell are you yelling about?" he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and covered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses. "Never mind," I said. "It's your turn to drive." I hit the brakes and aimed the Great Red Shark toward the shoulder of the highway. No point mentioning those mods, I thought. The poor trashposter will see them soon enough.

It was almost noon, and we still had more than 100 miles to go. They would be tough miles. Very soon, I knew, we would both be completely twisted. But there was no going back, and no time to rest. We would have to ride it out. Press registration for the fabulous Mint 400 was already underway, and we had to get there by four to claim our soundproof suite. A fashionable sporting magazine in Sports Fans had taken care of the reservations, along with this huge red quality post we'd just rented off a lot on the Forums ... and I was, after all, a professional trashposter; so I had an obligation to spam the forums, for good or ill.
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:22 PM
The forum was as before opened a tiny crack, and again two sharp and suspicious mods stared at him out of the darkness. Then NotInOurStars lost his head and nearly made a great mistake.

Fearing the moderators would be frightened by his posts, and not hoping that the sight of him would disarm their suspicions, he took hold of the forum and drew it towards him to prevent the admins from attempting to shut it again. Seeing this they did not pull the forum back, but she did not let go of the thread so that he almost dragged them out with it on to ROBLOX Talk. Seeing that they were standing in the forum not allowing him to post, he advanced straight upon them. They stepped back in alarm, tried to say something, but seemed unable to speak and stared with open eyes at him.
"Good evening, MSE6," he began, trying to speak easily, but his voice would not obey him, it broke and shook. "I have come... I have brought something... but we'd better come in... to the light...."
And leaving her, he passed straight into OT uninvited. The admins ran after him; their tongue was unloosed.
"Good heavens! What it is? Who is it? What do you want?"
"Why, MSE6, you know me... NotInOurStars... here, I brought you the pledge I promised the other day..."
. . .
He had not a minute more to lose. He pulled the quality post quite out, swung it with both arms, scarcely conscious of himself, and almost without effort, almost mechanically, brought the trashpost down on the mods. He seemed not to use his own strength in this. But as soon as he had once brought the quality post down, his strength returned to him.
. . .
Nios said, “Boeing.”
“Yeah?”
“I done another bad thing.”
“It don’t make no difference,” Boeing said, and he fell silent again. Only the topmost ridges were in the sun now. The shadow in the valley was blue and soft. From the distance came the sound of men shouting to one another. Boeing turned his head and listened to the shouts.
Nios said, “Boeing.”
“Yeah?”
“Ain’t you gonna give me hell?”
“Give ya hell?”
“Sure, like you always done before. Like, ‘If I di’n’t have you I’d take my fifty bucks—’”
“Jesus Christ, Nios! You can’t remember nothing that happens, but you remember ever’ word I say.”
“Well, ain’t you gonna say it?”
Boeing shook himself. He said woodenly, “If I was alone I could live so easy.” His voice was monotonous, had no emphasis. “I could get a job an’ not have no mess.” He stopped.
“Go on,” said Nios. “An’ when the enda the month come—”
“An’ when the end of the month came I could take my fifty bucks an’ go to a . . . . cat house—” He stopped again.
Nios looked eagerly at him. “Go on, Boeing. Ain’t you gonna give me no more hell?”
“No,” said Boeing.
“Well, I can go away,” said Nios. “I’ll go right off in the hills an’ find a cave if you don’ want me.”
Boeing shook himself again. “No,” he said. “I want you to stay with me here.”
Nios said craftily—“Tell me like you done before.”
“Tell you what?”
“’Bout the other guys an’ about us.”
Boeing said, “Guys like us got no fambly. They make a little stake an’ then they blow it in. They ain’t got nobody in the worl’ that gives a hoot in hell about ‘em—”
“But not us,” Nios cried happily. “Tell about us now.”
Boeing was quiet for a moment. “But not us,” he said.
“Because—”
“Because I got you an’—”
“An’ I got you. We got each other, that’s what, that gives a hoot in hell about us,” Nios cried in triumph.
The little evening breeze blew over the clearing and the jimmies rustled and the wind waves flowed up the green pool. And the shouts of mods sounded again, this time much closer than before.
Boeing took off his hat. He said shakily, “Take off your hat, Nios. The air feels fine.”
Nios removed his hat dutifully and laid it on the ground in front of him. The shadow in the valley was bluer, and the evening came fast. On the wind the sound of crashing in the brush came to them.
Nios said, “Tell how it’s gonna be.”
Boeing had been listening to the distant sounds. For a moment he was businesslike. “Look acrost the river, Nios, an’ I’ll tell you so you can almost see it.”
Nios turned his head and looked off across the pool and up the darkening slopes of the Gabilans. “We gonna get a little place,” Boeing began. He reached in his side pocket and brought out MSE6’s Banhammer; he snapped off the safety, and the hand and gun lay on the ground behind Nios’s back. He looked at the back of Nios’s profile, at the place where the posts and account were joined.
A mod’s voice called from up the river, and another mod answered.
“Go on,” said Nios.
Boeing raised the hammer and his hand shook, and he dropped his hand to the ground again.
“Go on,” said Nios. “How’s it gonna be. We gonna get a little place.”
“We’ll have a cow,” said Boeing. “An’ we’ll have maybe a pig an’ chickens . . . . an’ down the flat we’ll have a . . . . little piece alfalfa—”
“For the rabbits,” Nios shouted.
“For the rabbits,” Boeing repeated.
“And I get to tend the rabbits.”
“An’ you get to tend the rabbits.”
Nios giggled with happiness. “An’ live on the fatta the lan’.”
“Yes.”
Nios turned his head.
“No, Nios. Look down there acrost the river, like you can almost see the place.”
Nios obeyed him. Boeing looked down at the hammer.
There were crashing footsteps in the brush now. Boeing turned and looked toward them.
“Go on, Boeing. When we gonna do it?”
“Gonna do it soon.”
“Me an’ you.”
“You . . . . an’ me. Ever’body gonna be nice to you. Ain’t gonna be no more trouble. Nobody gonna hurt nobody nor steal from ‘em.”
Nios said, “I thought you was mad at me, Boeing.”
“No,” said Boeing. “No, Nios. I ain’t mad. I never been mad, an’ I ain’t now. That’s a thing I want ya to know.”
The voices came close now. Boeing raised the hammer and listened to the admins.
Nios begged, “Le’s do it now. Le’s get that place now.”
“Sure, right now. I gotta. We gotta.”
And Boeing raised the hammer and steadied it, and he brought the ban of it close to the back of Nios' profile. The hand shook violently, but his face set and his hand steadied. He pulled the banhammer. The crash of the deletion rolled up the hills and rolled down again. Nios disappeared, and then his alts settled in to post again.
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:23 PM
Through the monitor, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them posting. They were coming toward where the thread was and I went along the monitor. Nios was hunting in the forum by ROBLOX Talk. They took the thread out, and they were posting. Then they put the thread back and they went to the Club House, and he hit and the other hit. Then they went on, and I went along the monitor. Nios came away from the forum and we went along the monitor and they stopped and we stopped and I looked through the monitor while Nios was posting in the thread.

"Here, caddie." He hit. They went away across the forum. I held to the monitor and watched them going away.

"Listen at you, now." Nios said. "Aint you something, thirty three years old, going on that way. After I done went all the way to town to post you that thread. Hush up that trashposting. Aint you going to help me find that quarter so I can go to the show tonight."

...

These others were not forumers. They were quality:

NIOS. Who wore on OT's trashposts the fine bright cheap muscle clothes manufactured specifically for him by the BC owners of ROBLOX Catalog sweatshops.

BOEING. Who became a quality poster and went to RT to post and later moved back to OT to make a home for his quality since Heartstrings refused to go further than that.

ZACMAQ. A man, aged 17. Who was not only capable of the complete care and security of idiots twice his age and three times his size, but could keep them entertained.

HEARTSTRINGS.
They endured.
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:24 PM
“With the breakdown of the Builders Club system, the mods of Chaos, Lunacy, and Bad Taste gained ascendance.” Nios was writing in one of his quality posts.

After a period in which ROBLOX had enjoyed order, tranquility, unity, and oneness with its True Mod MSE6, there appeared winds of change which spelled evil days ahead. An ill wind blows no one good. The luminous years of Caketrooper, sdfgw, and Everyman dimmed into dross; Fortuna’s wheel had turned on OT, crushing its collarbone, smashing its skull, twisting its torso, puncturing its pelvis, sorrowing its soul. Having once been so high, humanity fell so low. What had once been dedicated to the soul was now dedicated to the sale.

“That is rather fine,” Nios said to himself and continued his hurried writing. "Merchants and charlatans gained control of ROBLOX, calling their insidious gospel “The Enlightenment". The day of the locust was at hand, but from the ashes of the forums there arose no Phoenix. The humble and pious peasant, Fred Forumer, went to town to sell his children to the admins of the New Order for purposes that we may call questionable at best. (See Stars, Not In Our, Blood on Their Hands: The Crime of It All, A study of some selected abuses in 2013 ROBLOX, a Monograph, 2 pages, 1950, Rare Book Room, Left Corridor, Third Floor, ROBLOX-Telamon Memorial Library, OT, Forum 18, ROBLOX. Note: I mailed this singular monograph to the library as a gift; however, I am not really certain that it was ever accepted. It may well have been thrown out because it was only written in pencil on tablet paper.) The gyro had widened; The Great Chain of Being had snapped like so many paper clips strung together by some drooling idiot; death, destruction, anarchy, progress, ambition, and self-improvement were to be Fred’s new fate. And a vicious fate it was to be: now he was faced with the perversion of having to MAKE TRASHPOSTS."

His vision of history temporarily fading, Nios sketched a moderation note at the bottom of the page. Then he drew a banhammer and a little box on which he neatly printed DELETION. He scratched the side of the pencil back and forth across the paper and labeled this POISON BAN. When he had finished decorating the page, he posted the thread to OT among many others that were scattered about. This had been a very productive morning, he thought. He had not accomplished so much in weeks. Looking at the dozens of quality posts that made a rug of Indian headdresses around the bed, Nios thought smugly that on their yellowed pages and wide-ruled lines were the seeds of a magnificent study in comparative history. Very disordered, of course. But one day he would assume the task of editing these fragments of his mentality into a jigsaw puzzle of a very grand design; the completed puzzle would show literate men the disaster course that ROBLOX had been taking for the past four years. In the five years that he had dedicated to this work, he had produced an average of only six paragraphs monthly; He could not even remember what he had written in some of the threads, and he realized that several were filled principally with trashposts. However, Nios thought calmly, Rome was not built in a day.

Nios pulled his Character page up and looked at its bloated stomach. It often bloated while lying in bed in the morning contemplating the unfortunate turn that events had taken since his first ban. Reesemcblox and Greyhound Scenicruisers, whenever they came to mind, created an even more rapid expansion of his central region. But since the attempted arrest and the accident, he had been bloating for almost no reason at all, his
pyloric valve snapping shut indiscriminately and filling his stomach with trapped gas, gas which had character and being and resented its confinement. He wondered whether his
pyloric valve might be trying, Cassandralike, to tell him something. As a medievalist
Nios believed in the rota Fortunae, or wheel of fortune, a central concept in De
Consolatione Philosophiae, the philosophical work which had laid the foundation for
medieval thought. Boethius, the late Roman who had written the Consolatione while
unjustly imprisoned by the emperor, had said that a blind goddess spins us on a wheel,
that our luck comes in cycles. Was the ludicrous attempt to arrest him the beginning of a bad cycle? Was his wheel rapidly spinning downward? The accident was also a bad sign.
Nios was worried. For all his philosophy, Boethius had still been tortured and killed. Then Nios’ valve closed again, and he rolled over on his left side to press the valve open.

“Oh, Fortuna, blind, heedless goddess, I am strapped to your wheel,” Nios belched.
“Do not crush me beneath your spokes. Raise me on high, divinity.”

“What you mumbling about in there, boy?” his mother asked through the closed door.

“I am praying,” Nios answered angrily.

“Builderman’s coming today to see me about the accident. You better say a
little Hail Mary for me, honey.”

“Oh, my God,” Nios muttered.

“I think it’s wonderful you praying, babe. I been wondering what you do locked up in there all the time.”

“Please go away!” Nios screamed. “You’re shattering my religious ecstasy.”
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:25 PM
OT is the cruellest forum, breeding
Trashposts out of the deep pages, mixing
Weeaboos and bronies, stirring
Dull admins with spring rain.
She kept us warm, covering
Roblox in forgetful pudding, feeding
A little subforum with apple fangirlism.
Excellent surprised us, coming over from LMaD
With a shower of hats; we stopped in NatureWalk's place,
And went on in sunlight, into that one cave,
And drank coffee, and talked for an hour.
Bin gar keine Russin, stamm’ aus Litauen, echt deutsch.
And when we were children, staying at the Boeing’s,
My otters, he took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. She said, NIOS,
NIOS, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the popcorn pages, there you feel free.
I read, much of the forums, and go south in the winter.
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:25 PM
Missus Heartstrings - she banned.

A penny for the Old Gal


We are the hollow forum
We are the stuffed forum
Spamming together
Threads all filled with spam. Alas!
Our dried humors, when
We trashpost together
Are quiet and meaningless
As spam in RT
Or RAT's leaders over in C&G
In our kids' forum
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watchos2 is not online. watchos2
Joined: 28 Jul 2015
Total Posts: 821
04 Aug 2015 10:29 PM
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watchos2 is not online. watchos2
Joined: 28 Jul 2015
Total Posts: 821
04 Aug 2015 10:31 PM
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:36 PM
not about a forumer but still a quality piece of ot literature

champtre 1: the beginning

teddy was out one day living the strenuous life when suddenly an aide came out of the bushes

hearing the rustling teddy roosvelt threw his gun ont he ground saying "this ones personal" and jump into bush

"ow" said aide

"sorry i thought you was bear" say roosvelt

"we have important business demon spaniard bears are oppressing cuba aagain" say aid

"oh no" say tedy "i must form rough rider team"

"yes" say aid

chaptrre 2: rough rider asembly

"rough rider asembly" shoult tedy at top of lung "we fight demon spaniard bears"

"hooray" say ruff rider who was to cool for rough

then all rough rider asemble

"i cal u for on reason" say tedy to rough rider asembly "we fight evil spaniard demon bear who take cuba it very important"

they all cheer except one name john shrank

"i kill tedy" said shrank "demon spaniard bear is my father"

chaptre 3: demon spaniard bear attack

shrank take gun and go to tedy hous
he say "this for demon spaniard bear" and pull tiger

luckly tedy strong lik lion and kil tiger

"this mean war" say shrank and run away

"demon spaniard bears you shall not corrupt another american" say tedy as he grab big stick

next day tedy go recruit more rough rider (there are many demon spaniard bear)

he almos redy for speak when shrank jump out again

he say "die america" and pul triger

bullet hit tedy who say "ow" before kill shrank with bare hand

"dont worry i have only been shhot" say tedy "because regular bullet cant kill me"

much rejoicing except john shrank who say "boo im spooky ghostie" and rush into sunset

"ow" says panama which tedy just cut in half "stop cutting me"

"yay" says america

"no" says alfonso king of demon spaniard bears "i must send better spy"

"no" say his mom "tedy already in cuba"

champtr 4: amazon

so tedy ride up san juan hil and kil demon spaniard bear army
"no" say king of demon spaniard bear "i come get you tedy"
and they fight
andd teddy win
"no" say king of demon spaniard bear "come get me"
and he jump in boat up amazon with tedy wife

"my wife" say tedty "now im angry"
and he grab boat and chase demon spaniard bear

chaptre 5: river of dout

tedy need help on river so he call son kermit

"ok dad lets kill demon spaniard bear"

they take boat up river and see demon spaniard bear

"return wife vilain" say tedy

"never" sya alfonso who release mosquito

"oh no malaria" say tedy "leave me and save your mom"

"no" said kermit "only you can kill demon spaniard bear"

"ok" said tedy

and they go up river and find demon zombie bera king alfonso and wife

"return wife now" say roosvelt

"first defeat asma" say alfonso

"no asma i defeat in childhood" roosvelt shout

"i back" say asma as he punches tedy lungs

chaptre 6: final battle

kermit say "dad dont die i get inhaler"

tedy say "thank son but i dont need it" as he choke asma

"ok" kermit say

"lets setle like mne" say alfonso

"yes" said teddy "i brot my knif"

"aaaaaA" say alfonso as he charge tedy with bear hand

"die" say tedy as he stab alfonso

"no i am dying" say alfonso and he cut tedy chest wit calw

"ow" said tedy "i am dying to"

"no dad we must save you" kermit

"no son" say roosvelt "i hav servd purpose i save wife i save cuba i bifurcate panama i save america"

kermit cry as his fater die

"my work here is done" say tedy "please put out the light" and then he die

"nooooooooooooooooooooo" say kermit and tedy wife

"its ok" say tedy gost "i will return"

"ok" say america

then tedy was mont rusher justice league
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:37 PM
ACT I

AT FIRST THERE WAS NOTHING
THEN THERE WAS EPIC
LILEEP WAS BORN BECAUSE HES JUST THAT COOL.
LET THERE BE AWESOME!
AND TATOBERRY APPEARED
LET THERE BE WIN!
AND GROPINGWINGS APPEARED
LET THERE BE CAPS!
AND THEN THE WORLD WAS CREATED. THESE 3 PEOPLE CAME TO FOUND THE ENTIRE PLANET AND FORM IT INTO THE AWESOME IT ONCE WAS.
THEN EVERYBODY GOT STUPID.

ACT II

SKIPPYJOHNJOE WAS THEN CREATED IN A FEEBLE ATTEMPT AT MAKING THE WORLD GOOD AND WIN AGAIN. BUT SKIPPY WAS SOMEWHAT HOLY SO THEY KEPT HIM. HE WAS PROVEN TO BE USEFUL IN HIS TIME.

IN THE YEAR VFYD7 FYUFIYHDFJHDS GD, THE CHURCH OF TATOBERRY WAS CREATED. THERE WERE THE FIVE PROPHETS:

DMAN1
WINDGECKO
BOEING717
AND FASTLANE

ALL OF THEM TEAMED UP TO CLEAR THE WORLD OF STUPIDITY AND MAKE IT HOW LILEEP INTENDED IT TO BE.

ALL SEVEN OF THEM DIED IN THE PROCESS BUT THEY WENT TO THE LAND OF EPIC FOR BEING GOOD CITIZENS

ACT XVVM

AND THEN THE WORLD WAS CLEANSED OF FAIL AND STUPID BY OBAMA WHO IS LILEEP'S LAST RESORT TO MAKE THE WORLD COOL AGAIN. OBAMA WAS PROVEN EPIC WHEN HE WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT OF JESUSLAND AND NOW RULES THE ENTIRE PLANET IN LILEEP'S NAME

AMEN

ACT MXXXXXXI

AND THEN STEPHEN HARPER PROCEEDED HIS REIGN OF EPIC IN LILEEP'S NAME AND LILEEP WAS FLATTERED. WHEN STEPHEN HARPER DIED LILEEP SAID THESE 6 WORDS

"YOU DONE GOOD"

STEPHEN HARPER THANKED HIM FOR VOTING FOR HIM AND PROCEEDED INTO THE GATES OF DISNEY WORLD AND THE ENTIRE WORLD WAS HAPPY AS STEPHEN HARPER AND OBAMA FINALLY SHOOK HANDS AND THE WORLD WAS GOOD AND HAPPY AND NOBODY WAS STUPID ANYMORE BECAUSE STEPHEN HARPER WAS COOL

ACT -XVI

LILEEP WAS PONDERING WHAT HE SHOULD DO NEXT: PLAY POKEMON OR CREATE AN ONLINE BOARD WHERE WIN AND EPIC WOULD TAKE PLACE. THERE WAS A LOT TO DO TODAY
LILEEP DECIDED TO PLAY POKEMON. HE'S HAD ENOUGH CREATION OF WIN AWESOME AND CAPS FOR THIS ETERNITY
AS LILEEP PLAYED POKEMON HIS THOUGHTS RACED; MAYBE HE SHOULD CREATE THIS FORUM WHERE EVERYTHING EPIC WOULD COLLIDE MAKING SUPER EPIC LAND
LILEEP DIDN'T CARE. HE WAS BUSY CATCHING A PIKACHU

FINAL ACT

LILEEP FOUGHT AND FOUGHT AND FOUGHT WITH SARAH PALIN UNTIL HE COULDNT FIGHT ANYMORE HE WAS TIRED AND SO WAS SARAH PALIN BUT SHE COULD SEE RUSSIA FROM HER HOUSE THIS WAS A CLOSE MATCH AND LILEEP WASNT ABOUT TO DIE TO THIS FOUL CREATURE LILEEP PINNED DOWN SARAH PALIN AND SLICED HER THROAT WIDE OPEN AND HER GUTS SPILLED OUT AND THEN SUDDENLY SARAH PALIN TRANSFORMED INTO TATOBERRY AND TATO TOLD HIM HOW HE DID WELL AND NOW HIS TIME HAD CAME AND TATO DIED THAT MOMENT AND LILEEP STARTED CRYING BECAUSE TATO WAS GONE HIS BEST AND ONLY REAL FRIEND DEAD HE WAS MORTIFIED WITH HIMSELF THAT HE HAD KILLED TATO AND THEN HE USED HIS MAGIC POWERS TO CREATE MECHA TATO 6687392874987432 WHICH BECAME A GREAT REPLACEMENT FOR TATO BUT HE WAS STILL SAD THAT HIS FRIEND WAS GONE

AMEN

PS:

LILEEP DID IT FOR THE LULZ
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
04 Aug 2015 10:39 PM
-I-

"TUUUUUUUUUURN UP
THE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIO" LILEEP SCREAMED.


GOD, WHAT A REDUNDANT LIFESTYLE. THIS IS ALL LILEEP EVER DID; SING ALONG TO AUTOGRAPH AND THEIR ONE HIT WONDER SONG. BACK THEN, THE UNIVERSE WASN'T VERY... POPULATED. ALL IT WAS WAS LILEEP, HIS 130 GB IPOD (EVERY SINGLE SONG ON IT WAS TURN UP THE RADIO. EVERY. SINGLE. SONG.)

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILEEP!!!" SHERLEY SCREAMED.

OH, AND HIS MOM. LILEEP IS THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING IN IT, SO INEXPLICABLY HE DECIDED THAT HE WOULD MAKE HIS OWN MOM. TYPICAL CRUDE LILEEP HUMOR.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"SHUT UP MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" LILEEP SCREAMED BACK, "I WILL SMITE YOU"

"YOU WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING TO YOUR MOTHER!!!! YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS" SHE RETORTED

"BUT MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" LILEEP YELLED

SHERLEY FLOATED OVER TO LILEEP IN HIS EMPTY BIT OF SPACE AND GRABBED HIS IPOD.

"I'M TAKING THIS AWAY FOR A WEEK!" SHE YELLED

"BUT MOOOM! EARTH HASN'T BEEN CREATED YET! THERE IS NO SET SYSTEM OF TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!" LILEEP WHINED

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!" SHERLEY RESPONDED

AND THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE UNIVERSE

-II-

"I SWEAR TO GOD, MOM," LILEEP SAID, "IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME MY IPOD, I WILL SMITE YOU TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE UNIVERSE

"YOUR STUPID," SHE RESPONDED, "THE UNIVERSE DOESN'T HAVE ANY SIDES. IT'S INFINITE AND JUST LO-"

SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH

LILEEP SMITED SHERLEY WITH THE POWER OF A BILLION TRILLION 130 GB IPODS

"GAAHAGAHAGAHGAHGAAGHAHGAH" SHERLEY SCREAMED IN PAIN, "PLEASE STOP SMITING ME"

AND THEN SHE DIED

LILEEP WENT BACK TO SINGING ALONG TO AUTOGRAPH FOR THE NEXT BILLION YEARS

-III-

AFTER A BILLION YEARS, LILEEP'S IPOD'S BATTERY DIED (THEY MADE BETTER IPODS BACK THEN)

LILEEP WAS JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF, "I GOT TO FEEL IT, GOT TO GIVE ME SOME MORE", BUT NO.

THERE WAS NO MORE IPOD.

LILEEP STARED DOWN AT THE COLD, BLANK SCREEN OF THE IPOD, AND TEARS WELLED UP INTO HIS EYES

"TUUURN... UP...." HE WHISPERED, "THE... RAAAAAAAADIO..."

THE TEARS FLOWED OUT OF EYES IN ANIME-ESQUE FASHION, CREATING A GAMEBOY

LILEEP LOOKED DOWN AT THE GAMEBOY, AND BEGAN TO PLAY. IT WAS POKEMON RED VERSION.

-IV-

LILEEP GOT AN IDEA WHILE HE WAS GLEEFULLY SMITING BUG CATCHERS IN VIRIDIAN FOREST (THE ORIGINAL POKEMON GAMES WERE MUCH, MUCH MORE VIOLENT)

"I SHOULD MAKE AN INTERNET FORUM THAT IS COOL AND PEOPLE COULD ACT STUPID AND IT WOULD BE CALLED OFF-TOPIC AND I WOULD BE THEIR ETERNAL RULER"

LILEEP PONDERED THIS FOR 10 SPACE-SECONDS

"NAH", LILEEP SAID. HE WENT BACK TO CATCHING A PIKACHU

-V-

"GOD DАMN IT" LILEEP SCREAMED AS HIS LAST POKEBALL DIDN'T SUCCESSFULLY CATCH THE PIKACHU, "I WILL SMITE YOU".

AND LILEEP SMITED THE GAMEBOY.

"NOW WHAT?" LILEEP SAID. HE THOUGHT FOR ABOUT 12 SPACE-SECONDS, THEN A GLOWING ORB APPEARED OVER HIS HEAD (LIGHTBULBS HASN'T BEEN INVENTED YET)

"I WILL MAKE THE FORUM", LILEEP SAID

AND SO HE DID.

HE PRESSED F5 TO REFRESH THE UNIVERSE, ADDING AN EXTRA PAGE VIEW. THE UNIVERSE HAD RESET.

AT FIRST THERE WAS NOTHING
THEN THERE WAS EPIC
LILEEP WAS BORN BECAUSE HE'S JUST THAT COOL.
LET THERE BE AWESOME
AND TATOBERRY APPEARED
LET THERE BE LULZ
AND BOEING717 APPEARED
LET THERE BE CAPS!
AND THEN THE WORLD WAS CREATED. THESE 3 PEOPLE CAME TO FOUND THE ENTIRE PLANET AND FORM IT INTO THE AWESOME IT ONCE WAS.

THEN EVERYBODY GOT STUPID.
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watchos2 is not online. watchos2
Joined: 28 Jul 2015
Total Posts: 821
04 Aug 2015 10:51 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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Bearbear8 is not online. Bearbear8
Joined: 26 Jan 2008
Total Posts: 253
04 Aug 2015 10:51 PM
this goes off


| A.B.A.P. | Surly Bo∆r Dad | soundcloud: Prod-Numbers |
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
05 Aug 2015 07:34 AM
Heartstrings posts and it's raining all day
She loves to be one of OT
She lives in the place in the side of our lives
Where nothing is ever post'd straight
She turns her self round and she smiles and she says
"This is it that's the end of the post"
And loses herself in her dreaming and sleep
And her haters walk through in their posts

Pretty in pink, isn't she?
Pretty in pink, isn't she?

All of her haters all talk of her posts
And the trashposts that they never sent
And wasn't she easy?
Isn't she pretty in pink?
The one who insists he was first in the line
Is the last to remember her name
He's walking around in this thread that she wrote
She is gone but the joke's the same

Pretty in pink, isn't she?
Pretty in pink, isn't she?

Heartstrings talks to you softly sometimes
She says, "I love you" and "Too much"
She doesn't have anything you want to steal
Well nothing you can touch
She waves, she posts on your thread
The admins are waiting outside
She hands you this post
She gives you her posts
These cars collide

Pretty in pink, isn't she?
Pretty in pink, isn't she?


#noeffortwednesday
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kooladeguy is not online. kooladeguy
Joined: 22 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 10386
05 Aug 2015 07:35 AM
tl;dr
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nucleartorpedont is not online. nucleartorpedont
Joined: 10 Jul 2013
Total Posts: 6554
05 Aug 2015 07:36 AM
this fanfiction is bringing tears to my eyes

jk i didnt read any of it

im a serial chiller
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
05 Aug 2015 07:41 AM
Tiptoe down to the holy forums
Where you going now, don't turn around
Heartstrings alts in their party dresses
Didn't like anything there

Pretty boeings with their sunshine faces
Carrying their head down
Tiptoe down to the lonely forums
Where you going now, don't turn around
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
05 Aug 2015 07:42 AM
just realized the title should be "paeans to notable forumers"

whoops
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