maubinlol
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| Joined: 03 Aug 2009 |
| Total Posts: 8363 |
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| 11 Dec 2011 03:24 PM |
I'll shorten it for you. Originally, it's 42 meters long. But it took me like 40 minutes to read. This'll roughly take 10-20 minutes.
A man gets lost in the desert by crashing his SUV. His name is Jack. He's crawling around. In his pocket, he has a knife, sun block, and windshield wiper fluid from his car. He walks around he desert, trying to find a nearby town. He is very dehydrated. After a while, he decides to drink some of the windshield fluid to survive. He knows there's some type of poison in it, but he doesn't care. So he drinks it and keeps moving.
After walking around a bit, he spots a large dark circle in the sand. He walks towards it. When he reaches it, he discovers that it's stone. He lies down, it's cool. Then, he hears someone talking to him. He keeps hearing "Greetings traveler. You do not look well. Do you hear me?". He tries to track down where the sound is coming from. While searching, he spots a white pole in the middle of the circle with a long snake wrapped around it. He stares at the snake, terrified. It looks like the snake is talking to him. Jack tries to talk, but his throat is too dry. So, he decides to drink some more windshield fluid. He drinks, and feels much better. "Hello?" says Jack. "Hello, what is it you want," responds the snake. Ignoring the fact that there's a talking snake, Jack replies "I would like to not be thirsty anymore. I have gone a long time without water,". "Very well, coming up," says the snake.
Suddenly, Jack feels a sharp pain in his left shoulder. He feels blood, and two holes in his shoulder. He's been bitten. "It'll feel better soon" says the snake. And now, Jack isn't thirsty at all! He feels much better. But, he's still hungry and tired. "Have I died? Is this the afterlife?" asks Jack, confused. "Sorry I had to bite you, but that's the way I work. Think of it as a natural medicine," says the snake. Jack asks a bunch of questions. The snake and Jack talk for a while, then the snake suggests that he takes the poison from the windshield fluid out of Jack's body. Jack agrees. "Are you sure you want this to be your second request?" asks the snake. "Request?" replies Jack. "You get 3 requests. The 1st one is free, but for the 2nd one requires an agreement of secrecy. The 3rd one requires the binding or responsibility," says the snake. Jack asks more questions about these agreements. After a while, Jack makes his 2nd request. He wishes for good health for the rest of his life.
That took care of the poison, and many other things. "By the way, my name's Nate. Old Nate," says the snake. "My name's Jack" says Jack. They talk for a long time. Jack discovers that this "stone circle" was the garden of Eden. They discuss about the snake that tempted Eve, but Nate was unsure if he was the snake. For, he has encountered many humans. He's even unsure about how he got to this place. Finally, Jack asks for his 3rd request. He asks for wisdom. After the bite, they talk about the binding of secrecy. Jack must never tell anyone about the pole, or Nate. Jack agrees, and Nate tells him how to get back to town. Jack leaves, but he comes back to visit every month or so. Jack is pretty much back to normal. Then, on one day, he visits Nate. Nate tells him about the pole. The pole is a lever of some sort. And, if you pull it, it ends all humanity. Nate tells Jack that he is in charge of this now. If Jack ever decides to end humanity, he can do it. Just by pulling the lever.
Anyways, Nate introduces Jack to his first son. His son's name is Sammy. Nate asks Jack for a big favor "I want you to take my son, and show him around the world. I've always wanted to see more then this vast desert, but I never got the chance. Please, will you do this for me?". "Of course," replies Jack. After a few days, Jack brings a laptop to Nate. One that can not be tracked by satellite, and is easy to use, if you're a snake. That day, Jack and Sammy leave to tour the world. Jack kept Sammy a secret, so no one found out about a talking snake. But, Jack is very worried and sad. Because, before he left, Nate told him something big. Nate was tired of living, and Nate wanted Jack to kill him when they got back. Nate wanted Sammy to watch over the pole when he died. Jack agreed to do so. After touring the world, Jack and Nate got in an RV and drove in the desert. They headed in Nate's direction. They saw him in the distance. But, in front of them was a huge sand dune. It was hard to get up, but they made it. They had to go back down it to reach Nate. While they were carefully strolling down, Jack lost control of the RV. He was stuck in the direction of the lever. He could barely steer, and his brakes broke. He thought if he was swift enough, he could steer to the side as soon as he hit the stone platform. But, on the side of the lever was Nate. Jack could not move to the other direction, because it was too risky. So, he had to decide between Nate or the lever.
He decided to not end humanity, and run over Nate. Right before he did so, he screamed:
BETTER NATE THEN LEVER!
◄♀♥Moob of the North♥♀► |
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MrGungHo
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| Joined: 29 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 179 |
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| 16 Jul 2014 08:20 AM |
| Ehhh, I don't get the joke. |
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bio111
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| Joined: 04 Jun 2010 |
| Total Posts: 5879 |
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| 16 Jul 2014 08:30 AM |
| this was so worth it to read |
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| 29 Jul 2014 07:55 PM |
| how do you run over a snake in an rv by sliding. the logic, he would of gone ovver the snake as it was lying flat cuz he is a smart snake. |
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iiLukexX
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| Joined: 20 Jun 2014 |
| Total Posts: 15 |
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| 19 Aug 2014 07:03 PM |
| Lel. I kinda got the joke, It was alright, I Didn't find it "HILARIOUS" Since I probably read it WAY Too fast like I do with every other damn book |
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Zeviox
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| Joined: 21 Feb 2011 |
| Total Posts: 9703 |
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| 19 Aug 2014 07:08 PM |
what
you friking kfc bucket |
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| 19 Aug 2014 07:13 PM |
All that just for a cheesy punchline?
prepare ur asses |
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YayYippy
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| Joined: 13 Mar 2014 |
| Total Posts: 3889 |
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| 19 Aug 2014 07:24 PM |
It was worth it. seriously. |
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MrGungHo
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| Joined: 29 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 179 |
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| 06 Oct 2014 10:19 AM |
continue, i only came to read the comments,
aaaah die potato! |
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MrGungHo
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| Joined: 29 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 179 |
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