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Re: I need help on this wip

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LordEvergreen is not online. LordEvergreen
Joined: 05 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 1556
23 Apr 2015 11:01 PM
OKAY GUYS THIS IS A WIP TELL ME IF ITS ANY GOOD

The Tale of John Danby

Written by Theon Danby

Table of Contents

Prologue

I - The birth of a legend

II - Off to War

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Prologue

When I was but a boy, my father, the famous Ser John Danby would tell me tales of his valor on the battle field and in the great tournys of the high lords. You see, my father was not like other knights, he changes his stars and married my mother, the lady of Duskenhall.

So, I, Theon Danby have taken it as my duty to record the life of this maginifcent man, who embodied what it meant to be a knight.

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I - The birth of a legend

John Danby was born the simple son of a soldier, and of a tavern winch. From a young age, growing up in the meager holdfast of Duskenhall. He had no hope of being a great knight as many boys dreamed, but, some how he was givin a chance.

When John became a boy of ten and six years, the world was changed. The rebellion had begun. Lord Hawtrey called his banners; alongside Lord Evergreen, Evelyn, and Harwick. The civil war of the old kings death had begun. The lord of Duskenhall had raised his small force, and required a soldier from each household bearing atleast two males. Johns father was old, and no longer a soldier. So he picked up his father's sword and his sparse chain mail and leather garments, and dressed for war.

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I - Off to War

The Lord Duskenhall combined forces with the Lord Ogrul Hawtrey, who was currently marching toward the west, hoping to meet forces with Evergreen. However, the forces of Lord Hatinswath came down upon them, and so, the memorable battle of Dillsweed occured. This fight was rather small, but, proved to show John that the war was worth fighting when he slew a knight.

In the aftermath of the battle, the knight he had slain was named Ser Timothy Almont, heir of Almont. Not only did Ser Timothy Almont, heir of Almont die during the battle, but, many more did aswell. On the side of the Zorlog loyalist Ser Norvik Allunshire, heir to the Castle of Brackledun, and, lord of Bracklesun, and viceroy of the duchy of Noriknium died aswell.

Not only that, but, the squire of the Ser Norvik Allunshire, heir to the Castle of Brackledun, and, lord of Bracklesun, and viceroy of the duchy of Noriknium, whose name was Bill, heir to the castle of Forn, and son of the great lord of Forn died also.

Not only he, but, the lord Kallor Moonsigil, Lord of Moonsigil, and heir of Mooncrest died. However, Ser Brenden Kirment, and his twin brother Brendan Kirment died aswell. It has been greatly argued, which one of these two fine knights was the heir to the esteemed castle of Kirmentshall. It is believed that Brenden was born first, however, some argue that due to his birth mark dipecting a unicorn, this is not the case, and his brother, Brendan, was the heir of Kirmentshall.

Lord Tyotos Jorulshun, of the castle Fornburry, and regent of the viceroy of Eelingsburg also died, alongside his brother, the lesser known Ser Austin Jorulshun, who commited great acts of loyalty during the siege of Burningburn, during the crab woman rebellion. It is belived, that Ser Austin Jorulshun was the first knight over the walls during the crab woman rebellion in the siege of Burningburn. However, this argued by the great house Burningburn to not be the case. And that infact, Austin Jorulshun was a craven who peed himself therefor rusting his armor shut. Because of this, some name him Ser Austin Creakypants, while others name him Ser Austin the Bold.

Ser Austin the Bolds squires' father was Ser Erik Homesling, heir to the castle of Homesling, and was named the Old because he himself was a shocking 40,880 moons before his death. However, Ser Erik Homesling was not the last of our heroes to die, infact, the priviousy mentioned squire, Erik Homesling II, died also.

Ser Gorred Bruckleshire heir to the castle of Bruckehsire, and bodyguard of Lord Switin Ducksling, died after killing a man. He did this by accidently killing himself while pulling out his blade from the dead body. The body of the man he had killed was infact none other then LORD SWITIN DUCKSLING! This is belived to be apart of the Ducksling conspiraicy, which goes far back to the Clay river war of old, where King Quillis the Second was unable to name a lord of the Clay river. Therefor house Ducksling fought against house Bruckelshire for the river rights. They won, but eventually the king just deicded to take the land back. However, the Bruckleshires of the casle Buckehsire have never forgiven this, and therefore, it is belived by many this was Ser Gorreds Bruckleshires motives for killing Lord Switin Ducksling.

But! The great mercenary knight Justin Barbie died while fighting off nearly fifty men all with his blade named "dark sword". Which was said to steal the soul of any man who it was touched by, unless you were a Barbie. The men who have fallen victim to this blade go as follows. Ser Gondarian Nork, during the battle of Hornshire in the crab woman rebellion. Ser Bullshick Bullshick of the great castle Bullshick, also during the battle of Hornshire in the crab woman rebellion. Lord Robb Hunniesun, Lord of Hunniesun, during the siege of Burningburn. Lady Jade, the "Fair Fighter" during the Dragon Egg War of the southernmost northern terriotry of Dunn. Magistrate Illyrion Dorkshir, during the Dragon Egg War of the southernmost norther territory of Dunn. Ser Rorik Buttlehed during the Dragon Egg War of the sourthernmost northern territory of Dunn. Ser Gerald Lollingsbin during the great tourny at Bucksingbill. Bullingshed Jorringson son of Jorring, and cheiftan of the Northernmost terriotry of Dunn, during the second Dragon Egg War. Jorring, father of Bullingshed Jorringson, high chieftan of the Dunn chieftans, during the second Dragon Egg War. And finally, Ser Edrick Kent, of Kentshire during the trial of Ser Austin Jorulshun, disputing, if he was infact over the walls during the siege of Burningburn, during the crab woman rebellion.
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LordThaller is not online. LordThaller
Joined: 21 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 443
23 Apr 2015 11:12 PM
Very good though your knowledge of the crab women rebellion is clearly flawed. The first over the wall was not Ser Creakypants, but it was none other than Lord Clerick Hunningsburg of House Hunningsburg! The egotistic nature of the house Burningburn would obviously make up such stories about Creakypants - and by some sources it says that the Jorulshuns weren't even present!
I suggest you study up on the crab women rebellion before you post such stories
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Hugeboo322alt is not online. Hugeboo322alt
Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 3550
03 Aug 2015 10:52 PM
i had to listen to this story on skype
l-l
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jhewoi is not online. jhewoi
Joined: 06 Jan 2013
Total Posts: 2230
04 Aug 2015 01:36 AM
I can see why it's still wip.

u built an entire wall out of text.
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EndingReferendum is not online. EndingReferendum
Joined: 12 Jul 2015
Total Posts: 147
04 Aug 2015 02:35 AM
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"Dah-Dih Da! Dah Dah Dah Daaaaah!" -Red
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b0bpwns is not online. b0bpwns
Joined: 05 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 1733
20 Sep 2015 02:42 AM
I am considering writing an entire history of the Crab Woman Rebellion, as mentioned in this great piece of work. Am I supported?
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EpicBoyMike is not online. EpicBoyMike
Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 5037
20 Sep 2015 04:12 AM
tl dr but if it has crabs its 10/10
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