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| 15 Apr 2015 02:51 PM |
Chapter One
Pain was the first word that would've come to mind when his eyes first opened. My entire body felt like it was being pressed down by something cold and hard, there was also the fact that most of his vision was obscured except for a small slit in what was seemingly a helmet about an inch in height. Tails lied there for a good two minutes, before the metallic taste of the helmet brought me out of me stupor and he finally decided to get up.
It took quite a bit of effort to get up, considering the stuff Tails was wearing turning out to be thick iron armour and GOD DAMN was it heavy. In fact, I nearly fell back onto the stone floor when I got to my feet. It took a good five minutes to get used to the weight of the freezing cold iron suit and it was when he had done so, Tails finally noticed where the hell he actually was; a rather small room made of smooth, almost pristine apart from the few cob-webs with spiders eagerly awaiting their next meal.
It was only when he moved forward did he realise he wasn't alone here, his metal boot hit something squishy and it replied by letting out a rather audible groan. "Five more minutes..." the person says in a muffled and sleepy tone. As Tails' eyes adjusted to the dim light, he noticed the blonde hair of the individual lying prone in front of him; put into an Elvis Presley sort of style. Before he could inspect any other features, the voice continued as if having a conversation with a completely invisible person, "No... School's not on today... Yes I checked..." Tails was amused to say the least by the slightly familiar individual before kneeling down; attempting to keep balance and poking his back.
The figure grunted, reaching behind it's back and slapping the finger away. Tails' finger continuously poked the teenager until it flipped over to face him looking up at him with what he would assume are angry eyes, as there where shuttered metal shades in front of them and said grumpily, "For God's sake, leave me alo-" the teen cuts off, instead screaming out in surprise. Which, in turn surprised Tails and he started screaming too.
"Who the hell are you?!" the blonde-haired person demanded. "I should ask you the same question!" Tails retorted. "But I think a more important question is: Where the hell are we...?"
The expression on the face of the blonde boy changed from anger to confusion, "You're right... Where in the hell ARE we?"
(Woo! Chapter one! Thoughts? How is it? Where can I improve?) |
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| 15 Apr 2015 03:06 PM |
No offense, but,
I read the first sentence and it switched between third person to first person to third person writing again.
Need to work on your attention paid to your writing! |
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| 15 Apr 2015 03:08 PM |
Yeah, I noticed that the second I posted it and I was like, "OH GOD DAMMIT!" Since I at first had it in first person, but it used 'I' WAY too much, so I switched it to third person. Guess I didn't notice the My in the first line xD
"Tails, the ninja sammich stealer of the RP Forums." |
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| 15 Apr 2015 03:08 PM |
| Wait, the switching between the persons wasn't on purpose? I thought it added a sort of tension. |
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| 15 Apr 2015 03:10 PM |
@Cousin, there is no switching between persons, it is perhaps one of the Golden Grammar Fails.
Any prose cannot EVER switch between persons, only one may be used. |
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| 15 Apr 2015 03:14 PM |
This is what I get for writing at 8:00pm at night.
I'll make chapter 2 at some point tonight, but I could use a spell-checker to go over my grammar mistakes.
"Tails, the ninja sammich stealer of the RP Forums." |
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| 15 Apr 2015 04:20 PM |
Chapter Two
The pair seemed to linger on that question for a while, taking in the fact that they were no longer at home in their warm beds but in a cold room that was completely alien to both of them. It took a moment for realisation to dawn on Tails' face, he'd started referring to himself as Tails. That was strange in itself, but what was stranger was the fact that that when he went to say or think his real name, he involuntarily said or thought Tails. His old name was becoming harder and harder to remember the more he thought about it.
In fact, the more he tried to think about his life, it faded away just as quickly as he remembered it. It was like an hourglass, the sands representing his thoughts were slowly trickling away.
The snapping of fingers was what brought 'Tails' out of his trance, a voice followed by saying, "Dude... Hellooooo? You've been staring at the wall for like, two minutes," Tails shook his head the helmet making clanking sounds as he did so. He slowly got up from his kneeling position and finally got a proper look at the boy he'd woken up earlier.
He still had the Presley-style blonde hair, but was wearing... A suit? Yes, a black suit with green vest an tie. Over both the vest and jacket though was what made him look a bit strange. There was a studded leather tunic, that (just like Tails' own armour) was in completey perfect condition and along with the leather tunic, there was metal bands that went the full length of the boy's fore-arms along with metal shin pads.
Tails took the strange concoction of badass and dapper trying to rack his brain from where he had seen this face before but it wouldn't come to him. Then, the blonde haired boy spoke, "Listen, I don't know you and you probably don't know me, so how about you just call me..." the boy was deep in thought, as if trying hard to remember something and after a few long moments, he replied more in a question than an answer "Tim?"
That was the exact moment Tails remember who this was, he was one of his online best-friends, from a virtual game made for children: 'Timpookie'. He looked at 'Tim' wide-eyed before replying with: "Tim? As in Timpookie?".
"Ye- Wait, how the hell do you know that?" The blonde demanded. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" He demanded a second time, with more force this time.
"Call me Tails, Tailsdahfox," Tails' replied meekly.
"Tails, the ninja sammich stealer of the RP Forums." |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 16 Apr 2015 10:55 AM |
| Nice. The irony is that as I was reading you describing me as having an Elvis hairstyle I was listening to Elvis music on spotify. |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 16 Apr 2015 11:06 AM |
| Also, what level should the characters be? I assume this is 4e because that's the edition that we're both familiar with, I kinda want to write up some stats for my character just for the fun of it. |
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| 16 Apr 2015 12:03 PM |
""Call me Tails, Tailsdahfox," Tails' replied meekly.
"Tails, the ninja sammich stealer of the RP Forums.""
i couldn't help but laugh at the ironic position of your siggy |
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PawzKat
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| Joined: 22 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 21011 |
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| 16 Apr 2015 02:18 PM |
Lel.
"Tails, the ninja sammich stealer of the RP Forums." |
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| 16 Apr 2015 03:36 PM |
GOD
LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN IRONY AND COINCIDENCE
*Facepalm* Irony is like a firetruck being set on fire and exploding, or a police car being stolen by a criminal.
COINCIDENCE is like the incident with the naming and the siggy, where it was a really big coincidence that they just HAPPENED to be together there.
The Bana- *Gunshot* "BISH PLZ!" |
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| 16 Apr 2015 04:24 PM |
"GOD
LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN IRONY AND COINCIDENCE
*Facepalm* Irony is like a firetruck being set on fire and exploding, or a police car being stolen by a criminal.
COINCIDENCE is like the incident with the naming and the siggy, where it was a really big coincidence that they just HAPPENED to be together there."
allow me to reword that sentence then
For lack of a better word and a laziness to look up the words in a dictionary |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
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duck14
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| Joined: 20 Sep 2009 |
| Total Posts: 20912 |
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| 17 Apr 2015 07:42 AM |
| I love these types of stories, oh my gosh. Are there going to be more people in it? |
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PawzKat
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| Joined: 22 Apr 2012 |
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duck14
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| Joined: 20 Sep 2009 |
| Total Posts: 20912 |
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| 17 Apr 2015 09:39 AM |
| I hope so to. I am really enjoying the amount of stories we have been getting lately. |
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| 17 Apr 2015 09:43 AM |
| Don't worry duck, you'll be in it, and you'll be in it too Pawz. Any types of classes you'd prefer to be? Heavy hitter, thief, spellcaster, etc? |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
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| 17 Apr 2015 09:45 AM |
Tails
Answer my question
What level should I make my CS for this story
Just for fun |
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duck14
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| Joined: 20 Sep 2009 |
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| 17 Apr 2015 09:47 AM |
| Cool. Druid is the only class I have played as so far (unless you count that one session as a shaman) so that could work. |
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PawzKat
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| Joined: 22 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 21011 |
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| 17 Apr 2015 09:47 AM |
| Fighter, please. Preferably with a greataxe, and throwable javelins. |
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